First WEDDING Anniversary

Ba,

I would like to thank you…

For the adobo you cook (my favorite dish of all)

For the bachoy in the morning and the sliced bread for breakfast

For irritating the hell out of me with your farts, which seems to give me brain freezes

For the late night talks

For the quarrels…oh, geeze! The quarrels. They say that when two people loves each other passionately, they would quarrel with as much passion… Well, I think we pass that description.

For our little girl. There could be no thank you enough for her. She is just simply my life’s miracle, just as you have always been.

For holding on when times were tough, were really tough, and

were really, really tough.

For your faith. I can conquer mountains because of that.

For washing our clothes and never complaining that I never have. I did ONCE…at least.

For being my savior and my protector.

For the ears that never fail to listen to all my gossips and my never ending complaints.

For your patience because you have a lot of it.

For shrugging off my bitchiness and my nastiness.

For always wanting to give the best for us and for our children and never failing to be the best husband and father that you can be.

For every little thing that you have done, have not done, said and did.
But most of all for your love.

Ba, I could go on and on forever and ever about how much grateful I am and how lucky I am to have you for a husband, but words will never suffice.

Thank you for putting up with me.
For loving me this whole year through.

And for the promise that you will always do.
Happy Anniversary.

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Oh Happy Day!

We just received a wonderful news and I am happy!

What's the news? My hubby is okay and we have...umm...60 or so years to be together.

Merry Christmas to all of you!!!

And may the new year be a year where your heart's prayer will be answered.

Merry Christmas to those far away from me, especially to...
1. Bes
2. Rarye.
3. Muni
4. Lonlon
5. To all those who reads this and I do not know that they do.

This is my bullshit new years resolution:
1. I will learn to cook. (When Ate Liza learns to carry a Celine Dion-worthy tune...probably nevah!)
2. I will be a dutiful and caring wife. (Yeah sure. When the hell freezes the freakin' devil's ass off! But I will really try baba...)
3. I will stay off playing Sims (and of course, by that time I have stopped breathing.)
4. I will seriously turn to my review for the Bar. (God! HELP ME!!!)
5. I will find a job paying me a freaking lot of money by October (Even if I have to coerce my sister in taking me to UK)
6. I will be a very patient mother...
7. I will never miss a Sunday Mass.
8. Have I said I will learn to cook?
9. What about being a soft-spoken wife?
10. Ah, yeah and how about staying off playing Sims to pass the Bar?
11. oh. I forgot. I have to DIET AND lose all this freaking weight!!!

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the sound of bells...again

China is getting married...

Bon voyage girlfriend.

CONFESSION: I am happy that you have found your happiness, but still there is that little part of me wishing that you will be walking in the aisle with "him" beside you...

but as I always say...

Cest la vie.

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ala -- just ala.

She fascinates me.

Not in a homosexual way, okay. (Although I have nothing against homosexuals, they are fine with me as they have the right to breathe as well).

Ala Paredes fascinates me.

She has the face that women loves (if they don't actually hate it). And she has that certain air -- that I-don't-give-a-shit air.

But I liked her more when I started reading her blog and found out that she is actually pretty intelligent and talented. I guess the fascination also comes from actually being able to go beyond the face and read the thoughts and have an actual idea of the person.

But what I like best about Aya is that she likes Panky!!! I was wondering if I am the only one who liked Panky. I figured, she's the actual real person in that Academy. Even Yeng admits that being aware of how she would project herself to the public, she allows a lot of bullshit to happen to her when all she wants to do is actually fucking scream. ( I think my blasphemy does not speak well of me as a mother, huh?). But Panky seems beyond that though she worries, of course.

But I digress..

Anyways, back to Ala.

Check her out -- www.ala-ism.pansitan.net. She might probably fascinate you too.

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my confessed selfishness

Sometimes, I am selfish.

I am damn selfish.

It has been weeks since Reming deemed it a duty to wipe out Albay from the map. We were in Lagonoy when that happened. Erbe was busy sleeping and my daughter was fussing and crying, while I was worrying myself to early grave. It was utterly scary. I now know how Noah feels while waiting for the storm to pass... it was just for like 8 hours or so, imagine 40 days and 40 nights, and with elephants tooting their horns!

But why am I selfish?

Because I am.

Once I've learned what happened in Albay, I couldn't get enough newspapers to read the "happenings". I wonder why it's human nature to act utterly concerned and devastated when tragedy happens, but in actual truth they are relishing it. Relishing the sheer morbidity of increasing body counts, destruction, and the fact that they were untouched. Lucky. I do. I couldn't get enough of "how horrible it was." Still, there is still that humane part of me...actually emphatizing.

But that is not why I am selfish. I am because inspite of the tragedy that happened, all I could think about is how this fuck up storm inconvenienced me. Disturbed my existence.

No TV.
No Internet.
No Aircon.

Fucking boring.

And no pinoy dream academy.

I missed a lot.

I am glad though that Panky stays.

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peaceful in lagonoy

Erbe has been posted in Goa for a 2-week teaching stint and we are staying in Lagonoy.

I still love to look at Mt. Isarog as much as i loved to look at it when I first traveled to Nato with the fellows for an overnight swimming (Although I did not stay for the night).

I noticed that Lagonoy is not so far from naga after all...

I noticed that I could be a small-town girl.

Except when McDonalds beckons... hehe.

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love ko to!

at this very moment...
this is what I am dreaming of.

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Looking at the opposite side of the mirror

Like everyone else, I rooted myself to the tube today waiting for "The Fight".

I suffered the scared and irritating efforts of the Hawaiian Punch while waiting for the BIG FIGHT. Hawaiian Punch? Hah! Why was he even there when all he did was wait for the punches to come! It was really, really painful to watch him and extremely irritating. It was boring which made the hype and anticipation for the Pacquiao-Morales fight more real as I knew that would be far from being boring.

I was right.

It was one great fight and I was screaming, jumping on the bed, with heart pounding the first minutes.

Pacman knocked out Morales the first time.. Aagh! There! I screamed with sheer satisfaction.

Pacman knocked him out the second time. Suddenly, it wasn't as fun anymore as Morales suddenly became nakakaawa.

But since he got up and started aiming for Pacman's face, I was back in the game.

And then Pacman knocked him down the third time...

You could see his face. Beaten. Shaking his head. Refusing to get up.

And although I rejoiced for Pacman's victory...for my country's victory... I just can't help what was passing through Morales' thoughts at that exact moment. As if his whole glorious career cumulates to that exact moment -- him sitting, beaten and tired, refusing to fight, stunned, shaking his head.

I couldn't believe it ended in just three rounds. As if there was no fight left in Morales. Was it because he lost so much weight? Did he lack the stamina? Is it because he has grown old?

Yes, we are all rejoicing but I couldn't help feeling sorry for Morales and his family, but especially the man who was once a legend.

Reduced to what he was --- once again beaten by a knockout.

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the faces of ikay

and she grows...









and she makes us proud...

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Rye! Just giving you the UPDATE

I discovered something about me.
Contrary to Tinay's feelings.
I discover I love teaching.
It's actually pretty fun.

Ikay is growing up pretty fast now. She's going four months old now and she is Mama's "mutya". She's looking more and more like me, only prettier. She looks nothing like her papa, which is fine with Erbe. Because he loves her to the point of I think he is going to spoil her. He can't bear to hear her cry or even whimper!!! But nobody can beat mama... The other day, Mama came home, pretty excited that she was able to get the 6-hectare piece of land in Cabusao and she was telling my daughter, "nene, may papamana na naman ako saimo!"

My mama thinks that Kris is getting a little bit jealous of the attention Mommy pays on Paige.

Kris actually thinks that Mama loves Ikay more than her...

I was joking to Hazel that Mama should ask Kris whom she loves more, "Brendan or her". I mean, she's deadset on marrying Brendan by next year while Mama is absolutely against any thought of Kris marrying. I understand my sister but I think she's a little bit young to get married. She hasn't even experienced being on her own and being independent. I told her that marriage absolutely changes everything. I guess she has to find out on her own, huh?

Anyways, I was talking about Ikay, right? Running thoughts again...

I am still working in RC, but I am actually confused as to what is my position is -- I thought it was clearly defined. But apparently not. Oh well...

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She's the Bomb!

I watched Oprah on Studio 23 the other night. The topic was about sexual predators.

And oprah was giving out $100,000 reward money to anyone who could point out these monsters to the FBI.

It was rewarding watching these predators being captured.

I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if any of those twisted predators come in contact with my daughter.

Probably commit bloody murder.

I wonder how much Oprah would give for my capture?
Nah...I'd bet she'd reward me instead.
just silly thoughts...

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For people who shares my husband's illness...

It never fails to break my heart whenever I see my husband suffering from his illness.

It never fails to break my heart to know that there will always be people who would not understand and whose little minds make this illness something so difficult for my husband to reconcile with.

It never fails to break my heart to know that at the end of the day, it will be me and ONLY me to whom my husband could go to for comfort and for consolation.

It never fails to break my heart to know that my little girl will grow up and will have her heart broken to witness what I am witnessing now -- her father's pain.

My heart will continue to break over and over again because I deeply love my husband who suffers what all of you suffer.

And knowing that my heart also breaks for all your love ones whose heart breaks when they see you in pain.

It is truly difficult. sometimes i wish i could take even half of what my husband go through, but most of all i wish people could understand because in all this -- that is the most difficult thing to deal with, the stigma. I applaud the courage that my husband possesses and all of you possess.

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Erbe, Dragons, and the Confused Wife

Erbe has accused me of not having enough belief in him.

But in my head, I figured that its not about having enough belief but just knowing the limits.

I was wrong. I should have never put limits in my husband's capabilities as God never intended to limit him.

"A wife can give her husband that confidence (just as, hopefully, a husband can for his wife). It's not about being the supportive "little woman." It's about realizing that despite their veneer of confidence, our husbands really do "carry their treasures in fragile containers," and they crave our affirmation for how they did on that play. It's about sending the man we love into the world every day—alive with the belief that he can slay dragons. "

--Now, I understand...

Ba, believe me in my heart I know you can.
Slay more dragons than you could ever realized.
You slay dragons everyday.
You even slayed my dragons.

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remembering the Ex

Yesterday, I was sitting inside the car, holding Ikay, trying to fend off the mosquitoes swarming around us while we waited for Erbe to finish his grocery.

The airconditioning was down and the heat was stifling.

It was dusk... Ikay was asleep and I was looking at her...

and looking and looking...

And suddenly, it struck me, "This little girl is what my life was all about..."

My life cumulates to that moment -- I was a mother and I was holding my little girl.

And my whole 26 years of existence flashed before my eyes and I thought of the EX.
That one EX who made so much of an impact that He was never forgotten -- that I even thought of him on the days preluding my wedding. Because he was just there.

He believed that some people could always be a part of your life. Someone who could be in your past could still be in the future. As if you two are a part of this story. And you're both waiting for the rising action...and ultimately for the climax. As if the things that happened between then and now are just the part of the story.

And I always wondered.

And yesterday while I was looking at Ikay -- I realized that my life was not about any rising actions... It was because precisely of that moment...

When I was sitting inside a car, fending off mosquitoes, waiting for my husband (the love of my life) to arrive with the ingredients for his menudo, watching the dusk turn to night..

...holding my little girl...

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Erbe's amazing patience

This is one of the million reasons I LOVE HIM.

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It made me laugh

Hello!!!

I actually thought that my blog was just being religiously read by two person -- rarye and Bes.

Not even Erbe actually bothers to read it.

So my blasphemies are safe...YET. Until he finally deems it worthy enough to be read.

So whenever people would suddenly say something like, "Nabasa ko sa blog mo."

Surprise! Surprise!

Kuya Vic and Ate Che wrote me a message via Friendster. Kuya Vic actually gave me a sentimental message about Inay when he saw her pic in one of my posts.

It was funny that when I posted my new blog address in friendster, thinking I had to inform those that bothers -- I got more than I bargained for -- more people to actually read my blog.

Thanks for Reading!!!

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I WAS CALLED A BITCH

loser
Originally uploaded by Silhoutte.

Hello!!!

I looked for my blog via Google and to my surprise it came out and it was because somebody who loves Pacquiao called me a "bitch" for my post on Manny. (Try it by the way, type "piebuko" and you'd come across it)

It was funny. hehe.

What was funny about it? I didn't know somebody reads my blog and that a post of mine could generate that hatred! Damn! I'm freakin' good!

Okay, in fairness, I did a fair number on Manny with that post. I don't hate him! I just had a phase where I was just tired of all the ruckus about him and this "hero" thing. By the way, I did a number on Sara Balabagan there, why didn't anybody react on that? hehe...

Anyways, so that the Manny fan won't hate me anymore. Let me redeem myself in your eyes... the phase where I didn't like Manny is OVAH! You read that? OVER! You see, I saw this clip about Morales and where he says that he'd beat the crap out of Pacquiao to redeem himself. I didn't like that. Na-ah. I still want Manny to beat the crap out of him! Sa pinoy pa rin ako! And this time, I am betting against Rowel that Manny will win. The thing is, Owel is also betting on the same thing. hehe. So, I like Pacquiao again. And if it's any consolation to you, Manny Fan, I was freakin' pregnant and you don't mess with a Pregnant woman's estrogen, though she's a biatch! hehe... I like being called that. dunno...

...I still find it funny that someone besides my friends reads my blog.

But I think I know who that person is... And if he/she is who I think he/she he is...

Geeze!

I have a baby now. Ano ba naman yan! Get a life!

Really!

Fuc#@ng pathetic.

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just a note

Ba,

Sometimes I want to bloody scalp your head off...

Pero kalbo ka na eh!

We still have a loooooooooooooooong way to go.

Until all we have is our two front teeth.

You can be the most stubborn man alive but I love you.

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watching my baby sleep

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A letter to my daughter

Ikay,

Life holds too many surprises and before I lose the chance to do so, I want to teach you some things I’ve learned in life…

First, learn to live your life without regrets. Living with regrets, wishing to change things you can’t change only drags you down.

Learn to find the little wonderful things in life – they are what matter most.

Learn to dream big and believe the vastness of heavens and the depths of the oceans are not enough to encompass all that your heart can possibly wish for as they can never compass all my dreams for you.

Learn to forgive no matter how difficult it is to forget. Living life without anger is easier than consuming your life with a fruitless wrath.

Believe that you can do anything you set your mind to doing and learn to accept the things that you can’t.

Set a goal for yourself. It is easier to live your life when you know where you want to go.

Never allow yourself to believe that you don’t need an education. It is something that you’d never lose once you have it.

Respect everyone and have compassion for those who do not have respect for themselves.

Love unconditionally but never ever lose yourself in the process.

Learn to say “No” and mean it. You don’t always have to please everyone.

Find a man who’d watch you sleep for hours, hold your hands when you’re in pain, love you unconditionally and think you’re sexy and beautiful even when you weigh 75 kilos!

Learn to accept yourself – flaws and all. Look in the mirror and know that you are beautiful and that you are loved.

Learn not to judge yourself by what people think of you because people will always have an opinion and you could never please everyone. Learn to judge yourself according to how you’d be judge in the end.

Live an honest life. You’d live longer.

Learn how to pray and believe with absolute faith that He will never forsake you.

Choose well the people you’d trust.

Learn to keep secrets.

Pay your debts.

Cultivate in your heart an innate kindness and the ability to find the goodness in everyone.

Don’t forget birthdays and learn to do something special for someone when he least expects it.

Learn how to cook and keep house. You’d find life’s little pleasures in doing so.

Never let others define you – define yourself.

Never forget to dance in the rain, walk barefoot on the grass, kiss the roses as you go by living your life.

Know that you are love always.

Love,
Mama

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separation anxiety

I understand mothers experience separation anxiety...

But mine is unique.

Her name is Edith. I honestly, sincerely likes her. She works really hard and without complaint that my mother loves her. And no, she has not just come down from the Isarog mountains.

Guess what? She takes care of my baby when I'm not at home.

Now, tell me.. honestly...just honestly... do you think I have to worry???

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there i go again..

I really am such a klutz.

Today, we formally launched the medical transcription course our company is offering, in partnership with WRI.

There were a lot of guests...

The ex-vice mayor, city councilors, people from TESDA and DTI, media people and a lot of important guests...

And I came in pants a tad smaller for me (blame it on my pregnancy fat) and take note with a hole in the ass area. geeze! I wanted to come wearing slacks but nothing fits and those that my aunt lent me were two freaking big. I look like I'm with freaking rapper group or something.

So I wore this long shirt (which was too big for me before I got pregnant and now is tad small for me) and I happily went along there with my husband who wanted to come wearing a polo shirt, but who I fortunately convinced to wear something more appropriate for the occasion.

When I got there, I entered the room and shook the hands of VERY important people and my aunt was frowning at my shirt. She then asked Erbe to get Her BIG blouse from the car and made me wore the pink blouse, which did not match with my blue pants with a hole in the ass and my yellow sandals. What a screw up!

To make matters worst, just when I thought things couldn't get any worst than a screwed up ensemble, the yellow sandals broke and Erbe asked for a freaking masking tape. Geeze!

But luckily, somebody keeps a pair of sandals and lent it to me. What a fiasco!

Anyways, at the end of the whole thing, I got to watch my husband impressed the people with his presentation. That was at least one good thing that came out of the whole experience.

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life and bitches

people would either hate you..
or love you...

You could never please everyone as always...
there would be who would be those who'd find you lacking...

The fucked up thing though is that there are people who would stabbed you when your back is turn while all the while pretending to be the nice bitches that they are...

Some would find so many reasons to hate you but forget that they have more fucked up skeletons in their closets.

In my life, therefore, I've learned to care only for those opinion of people who matters...

and to have my bullshit detector intact so that i'd know who is bullshitting me or not.

I've also learned to smile at those who I know stabs my back.

While chanting in my head, "Screw you bitch."

P.S. Sorry baba for the blasphemy...

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my sister says...

this is how my daughter would be like 7 years from now...

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Oh! Beautiful Life!

I have a good life...

I am so blessed.

I have a husband who drives me nuts everyday and who have his faults and yes, he is not perfect but he loves me. UNCONDITIONALLY AND COMPLETELY. Because of that, I am blessed. He forgives me for all my shortcomings and my screw-ups.

I have a family who is very supportive, a mother who still treats me like her baby and Dad who still treats me like his little girl, and a sister who just understands where my sense of humor is coming from -- who has always been there for me inspite of everything and anything.

I have my friends -- crazy, lovely people they are!

I have a job. Inspite of the headaches it brings. It fulfills a part of me.

And now I have my daughter -- proof of the love I share with MY husband.

Kaya IKAW, manigas ka sa inggit!!!

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Lolo popsie made her a swing

Erbe and I work on some files at night, so Mommy takes on Ikay for the night, and being the Kix Palabs that she is, she cries through the night when she is put down, so you'd find mommy dancing on the top of the bed or singing at 4 in the morning...

By the way, where is my sister through all this?
Well, after doing the damage, she refuses to take care of Paige at night.

The other night, Mama was almost in tears, being very sleepy while Paige continues to demand that she be danced and sang to.

Daddy sympathetic of Mommy's plight, while of course refusing to take on Paige himself, made Mommy and Paige a makeshift swing...

And there she is... :)

The next day, Erbe and I bought her our own swing which gave us a nights rest as well from the dancing and singing as our princess demands. :)

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She is the CULPRIT!

my little girl is an addict.

Addict to "PALABS"

She likes to be cuddled, cooed, and be rocked to sleep.

Mama is putting up another chicken grill and would like to call it "Cheska's Lechon Manok" in honor of her grandchild, but we are suggesting that she calls it, "Kix Palabs".

Ikay could put up hell at night. One night, she didn't sleep from 2 am to 6 am, which really drove me nuts and Erbe and I had a huge fight from the sheer exhaustion. She just wouldn't stop crying!

She is an addict and my sister is the pusher for Palabs addiction.

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Adora, oh! Adora!

and she loves this soap...

But I will let you in a little secret...

I adore this soap as well...hehe... I mean, I actually stop playing sims or anything I'd be doing just so I can watch the soap.

When I was having Paige, the one thing I kept lamenting about is missing the soap for days!

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Poor Emilio

This is mommy...

commiserating with the fate of emilio in bituing walang ningning..

she really looks funny here...

but if i could be half the woman and the mother she is, i'd die happy. :)

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Raid!

REPORT ON THE FORNICATION SHACK

I have been informed by a reliable source -- my mother!-- that the fornication shack has been raided!

Apparently, the good people of Mabolo, concerned about the welfare of the freakin' fornicating teenagers reported the activities to the authority and the shack has been raided.

It is now closed. Eternally.

:)

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The House of Orgy

I am in a need of a helper..

so mama got me one.

or at least for a day.

A kind neighbor took it upon herself to help out this young 15-year-old girl, Monica, get away from the depravation of living together with her sister. It would have been great if her sister is a grown-up, fully capable of supporting her and not pregnant and living in an orgy sanctuary.

Nah... actually the elder sister lives with her boyfriend in a shack, together with three other couples. All they do is have sex! And they are barely 16 years old!!!

Everybody in the neighborhood talks about them but nobody really does interfere...

Anyways, Monica lasted a day. She drove Daddy nuts watching her transfer from our house to the fornication house almost every other hour. Thus, she had to go.

But in a way, I am rather curious about the activities inside that little shack...

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paige and her papa

paige and papa
Originally uploaded by Silhoutte.

And she is loved by us..
by her papa..
deeply.
unconditionally.
and We are weaving great dreams for her.
And I want to conquer the world for her,
while Her Papa wants to lay the world at her feet.
She is our daughter
and she is loved.

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The PLEASURES OF EVE

For the last few months, I have been researching on Lamaze techniques, studying and reading everything I could get my hands to in preparation for my labor and for the big day. There were number of times even that I quarreled with Erbe because of his - what seems to me - lack of interest in studying the Lamaze notes along with me. So, it is quite ironic that on the BIG day…

I did not go into labor.

Nope. I did not.

I woke up that day and I felt some discomfort in my pelvic area so I went to the doctor, had an NST and was told that Paige still had some cord coiling going on inside and the doctor said I was 1 cm dilated and I had to get into the hospital for observation because of the cord coil.

So, I got into the hospital and next thing I know Erbe elected for a cesarean section.

I slept peacefully through the night as I did not feel anything at all and woke up pretty scared shit the next day and I began harping on my kind husband about his electing to have me whacked up and so I went inside the operating room in a snit. I was thinking that I wanted to give Paige the chance to descend properly and if she can’t do it, then we’d do the hacking up option… but my hubby elected to not risk our lives so he signed the form.

Fortunate for me that my husband had that foresight because it turned out that Paige had three cord coils! And there is no way in hell she could have descended properly because the loop went through her neck twice, her armpit and her body!

Anyways, do you know how it is like to be operated on? I could actually feel the upper part of my body shaking from whatever the hell they were doing. I was rather in a stupor due to the spinal anesthesia, there were only five times that I was conscious:

First, when I heard Paige crying and I heard them saying, “Dakulaon!” Whatever the hell it was that was big. Probably my freaking ass! Because Paige is only 6.12 pounds!

Second, when a nurse brought her to me, I turned, saw her and said, (which mind you was the first thing I said about my baby), “Ay maputi man.” I kissed her and promptly went back to dark kingdom.

Third, when I was shivering bloody hell, begging for someone to cover me up because I knew I was lying there stark naked and this bitch of a nurse, was making fun of me, while another asshole was laughing along with her.

Fourth, when another nurse (a guy) made some kind overture for me. I heard someone said, “Ano ginigibo mo?” And the kind Samaritan said, “Hirak man kaya o..”

Basically, from that experience I learned that some nurses and doctors (even) have forgotten the fact that they are dealing with human lives and people with feelings – they seem to look at people in a purely mechanical manner and have forgotten the essence of their service.

Anyways, scratch that up to a really horrible nightmare. It was worth whatever humiliation I endured though for my little girl.

My sufferings did not end there, however, I had 40 degrees fever for days and then after that I couldn’t move because of this utterly severe head, neck and back pain due to the operation complications - heart enlargement and water in my lungs. Talk about the pleasures of being Eve.

I’m actually better now, still recovering though and having fun having my kind and poging hubby take care of me and having my baby in my arms.

By the way, she looks like me. Lucky for her, she got her Papa’s coloring because she got my nose! Hehehe.

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now, i'm also a mom..

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This and That

I have been married for months now and I am an expectant mother and handling some major responsibilities… I realized that in the process I am learning a lot of things –

I am learning that I might be bossy, demanding and a person who just wouldn’t let anybody get the last word – but for my hubby, I am to make an exception.

That I am not the head of the family… I am the heart of it.

I learned that my mama loves me to distraction and would give her life for me – because that is what I feel for Paige.

I learned that Daddy must have been really excited when Mama was carrying me and that no matter what I will always be daddy’s little girl – because Paige will be that for my husband.

I learned that when you take on a responsibility – a lot of people will depend on you and they become your responsibility. You cannot just decide without thinking about the number of people that would be greatly affected by your decision.

I have learned that my little sister is not a little girl anymore.

I am learning that I have still so much to learn about my husband. He still surprises me everyday, but the one thing that I have also learned that I will never get used to looking at him and marveling at how lucky I am. I have learned that I will never get used to his face.

I have learned that I am slowly becoming a grown-up who sometimes wish I could just stay the girl I was with my Daddy and Mama and continue to giggle with my little sis.

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the humor of mama

Erbe and I went to dinner at my parent's house and mama cooked a very special meal. It was Bituing Walang Ningning in the tube so I decided to get some food and eat in the living room. I was getting my dinner and I noticed the veggie in mama's dish.

Me: "Ma, ano pong gulay yan?"

Ma: "Halat..."

Then I heard her humming.

Barely discernible.

So I turned and listened...

"Bahay kubo.. kahit munti..."

It was so funny, her humming so seriously that I started laughing.

She suddenly shouted, "Singkamas!"

*sigh.. my funny mama.

by the way, Mrs. Sixteen, her other pig, named for the number of nipples this pig has, gave birth to 13 healthy piglets!

Woohoo!!!

Mama suggested that her being a very good pig-midwife, perhaps she could be mine!

Yeah sure. *snort!

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Awww...c'mon!

Okay. He moves fast and granted he can really make a mess out of his opponent's poor face, but do we really need to call him a freakin' hero?! For god's sake! Poor Jose Rizal and Andres Bonifacio, they had to have themselves shot before they became a hero.. and those poor martyrs! But Pacquaio just have to beat up somebody's face to a pulp and be called a friggin' hero. And yeah, he has millions on the side as well. He has all the freakin' commercials, pati suka! Pinatulan! I wonder if Lumen would have to find another commercial as well. Did you see his shorts when he fought? He had McDonalds logo on it! I wonder if he also had the Datu Puti logo.

Ok. ok. obviously, I don't like the guy. I didn't start out this way. Honest! I liked him. I even had my heart in my throat when he fought Morales and rooted for him all the way! It was just that I hate his being called a hero and that business with the illegit child! If that was his, just freakin admit it! C'mon! Cut the woman some slack! But what irked me the most is the constant exposure and the drilling of the "Bayani" thing. I had a bet with my cousin with his last fight. I give Rowel his allowance daily and he got an additional P20.00 for Pacquiao winning.

Anyways, I don't care if you like him. Piss off!

I have this thing about the word "Bayani". It's like the word "diva". Everybody in the freakin' country is a diva. Move some ass and voila! Diva!

But my eternal irritation with the word "bayani" started with Sara Balabagan. Geeze! She went to Saudi, got raped and killed the employer. Hell! All you have to do is go to Saudi or anywhere in the Middle east for that matter, get raped and kill the bloody pig! And then you go back home, received a hero's welcome, be given millions, be able to fix your face and your teeth, have a new house, have a movie, and have a record contract. Geeze!

Ok. ok. I am ignorant. Liza (our house help) kindly explained to me yesterday how Balabagan got beaten up and everything... thus the bayani thing. An education from Liza, who right now irritated me for buying pineapple pie good enough to feed the whole Africa when there are only four of us to eat the freakin' P1.00 pie.

Ok. gotta work. Again.

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my angel

paige 3
Originally uploaded by Silhoutte.

See?! Her nose got a ridge! Told yah! it is just big!
Isn't she cute???!

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my baby

paige 2
Originally uploaded by Silhoutte.

here she kinda looks like me, huh?

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Papa's little girl

paige 1
Originally uploaded by Silhoutte.

...with his nose.. I insist!

Or is it mine?

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for your information

I have been trying to think of something to write about. I mean, anyone who is reading my blog and trying to update himself with my life would be possibly vomiting by now with my entries on paige and my eternal lamentations about my freakingly huge weight. For your information, I am now 77 freakin' kilos! And guess what, Paige weighs 5.2 kilos, so basically, I am like 72 freakin' kilos!!! My depression about that is not abated by my hubby's plans on " WAYS FOR MY WIFE TO LOSE WEIGHT". Na-ah.. no siree.

I could write about how we practically moved out of Mama's house and how much I miss her. Mama had just a tragic experience last week when she had to come to terms with losing Rosaura. You see, Rosaura is a mother pig that she has had for 4 years now. She had to sell Rosaura and had to accept the fact that her lovely pig would have to be turn into "longganisa" because Rosaura has menopaused! The pig juices have dried up and her eggs have shrivelled. Poor Rosaura! She served her purpose and has got to go! Longganisa! What a sad sad ending.

Moving on, if Rosaura's uterus has shrivelled up, mine is bloated and active. Anyways, I had an ultrasound - a 4D ultrasound so we could see what Paige looks like. The first batch was not to erbe's liking as the doctor had our baby's little private part printed! hehe... The second batch was okay, but my friggin' placenta was covering half her face. What stand out though was her nose! It is huge! From the front, you'd think it's freakingly flat, so you'd think she got it from me... My theory, however, is that it's her papa's nose because Erbe's nose really is huge. (Sorry baba.. hehe) Anyways, my EDC is on the 25th.. I wonder if Paige would come earlier or later than that. I have to go Mother Seton because I am not cleared for vaginal delivery... Chalk it up to Paige's cord coiling that my baby stubbornly refuses to help me out with.

Anyways, bessie was with me when I had my ultrasound but after a courtesy "oohing and aahing" for Paige, she promptly went back to the company of her cute guy. That girl (I still can't honestly think of her as a woman) is absurd. I don't know how she can hold hands with somebody while she sleeps and the next day resort back to saying, "Of course! he can always date someone else!" Yeah sure! (snort!)

Well, gotta work!

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Von voyage

We have our own lives now...

Married, we are.

Missus.. Mrs.. that's what we are. And we have taken a new surname..new family name..

Mrs. Cruz, Mrs. Arcilla, Mrs. Lim, the one who refused to be a Missus, and the one longing to be one...

All following in the footsteps of a friend who became a bride earlier than all of us... Mrs. Crescini...

Sometimes, I would look back to the school girls that we once were.. ponytails, crushes, giggles and all and wonder at how much have changed...

But mostly I am grateful for the fact that I am still your friend and that I am still forever witnessing the changes in your lives.

We have our own lives now... I am waiting for Paige to come out, hopefully without coiling and I am trying desperately to learn the intricate details of running a business.

You are trying to live a happy life with your husband so far from home and each night praying that perhaps tomorrow your Dad would learn to forgive you and accept him...

You are trying to pass an exam so that you could reveal the truth of your marriage to the one person you love more than another...

You are trying to be a grown-up and live free, with your husband away from your mother -- who you love so much but who you wish could just let you be...

You are trying to live a happy life with your husband, who in your heart you have yet to learn to forgive and to whom you should ask for forgiveness...

You are trying to live a happy life with your daughter who you love most in the world, but refusing to compromise still with marriage...justifying everything with reasons...

You, who is trying to find a way to be together with the person you love most in the world, praying that your family would allow you finally...

We all have our own lives now...

But guess what...

I still treasure in my heart the way we beat the ass of those 5th grader boys in "Aragawan Base" and call ourselves "Strikers."

Thank you.

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Cord coil

I went to have an ultrasound which I thought would be my last until I deliver Paige...

Unfortunately, I was wrong.

Apparently, Paige has a cord coil around her neck so I have to see again before delivery if she still has it.

Because if she does... it's cesarean delivery for me, which I totally don't want.

I guess, it's all up to God...

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The lamentations of a hippopotamus

I have lamented quite a bit.. no! a lot about my pregnancy weight. I hate my weight and it doesn't help when your husband is such an insensitive clod.

ADVICE TO PROSPECTIVE HUSBANDS: Do not call your wife chubby when she feels like a freaking hippopotamus!!!

I went to my OB last week and after she subjected me to Leopold maneuver... I sat there and she started writing some stuffs down about my visit and she casually said, "No more vitamins for you."

I was like, "Huh? But why? My baby is developing inside! HELLO?!"

And she said, "Dakulaon na..."

Curious, I asked, "Sisay po?"

She answered, "Kamong duwa!"

And I thought Paige was like a month smaller than her actual age so I kept eating and eating thinking I wasn't eating too much for my baby to grow and now she's practically obese! Geeze!

Earlier, I was in Chowking with Haze and Erbe and as usual, Erbe made some comment about me being, "Malusog", which again irritated the hell out of me, so I began to make scathing remarks about his insensitivity and blame him for my current weight. I am not exaggerating, I am really freaking fat even minus Paige! I feel like a freaking hippopotamus!

Anyways, after I stopped baiting him.. He turned to my headband turned crunchie and commented that I should have gotten something with a butterfly.

I witheringly looked at him and asked, "Ugwa man hippopotamus na may bara-butterfly sa payo?!"

Erbe just sighed about that..

After a while, he joked about being a singer in Aljosh cafe, thinking he could pull Sinatra's bits, and what did I say?

"Ugwa man singer na may agum na hippopotamus na may butterfly sa payo?!"

See? That's how my weight irritates the hell out of me.

And they said I should diet! My motto? "Oh, I'll start tomorrow!"

Screw me.

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"Ever The Same" (For Settie)

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Hey, look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same(Ever the same)

Settie, I will always always be here for u.. u know that. love u.

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Whimsy...

I miss these people -
1. Bobet and Pipo - for their crazy antics and for making me laugh a little bit more everytime I am with them.
2. Bessie - because I don't know any girl/woman/lady who is kinder than her.
3. Settie - because I just miss talking to her. We haven't been able to for a long time. Life doesn't allow it.
4. Tin and Che - because they are like old blankets, warm and familiar.
5. Balon - for his idealistic and almost naive views of women and virginity. (Wag kokontra!)
6. Rarye - because he has the most confusing yet seemingly sensible thoughts.

I miss a lot of people - those that are far, but mostly I am just missing them. It's funny how I am able to do so considering how busy I am.

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the memoirs of a cow..no! a hippo..

I feel like a lumbering humongous cow.

Well, people kept telling me to “slow down”, “move slowly”, “act like a lady for God’s sake!” Well, that is because prior to this period where I have to move slow because I relatively have no choice, I was happily moving like I wasn’t carrying anything inside my stomach. Now, I feel like a cow that has to be craned to be able to move! Sometimes, Erbe has to literally pull me off the bed. Yeah, it’s not like I’m the only person who experiences the joys of pregnancy. *sigh. But sometimes, I feel like I have the worst of it. Remembering Sugar, she was damn pretty during her pregnancy, but I feel like an ugly hippopotamus. Yes, that’s it! More like of a hippopotamus than a cow. J

Never mind my ramblings though.

Pregnancy really amazes me though. Since Ikay is a girl, I realized I have a vagina inside me. I have two hearts, 4 lungs, 4 kidneys inside me! Sometimes, I looked at my stomach and be at awe by the fact that there is a tiny living person inside of me. Completely dependent on me.

And do you know what’s even more amazing? The fact that I love this person. Totally, completely love this little girl that I haven’t seen but I would give my life for. Isn’t that amazing???

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The advantages of Being Gifted

Deer Sir,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper.

I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well.I?m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety .

My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.



Employer's response:......

Dear Peggy May,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check.

You're hired.

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Ikay, my baby

tummy
Originally uploaded by Silhoutte.

I have a baby girl!!!

and she has erbe's nose.. or so i think. We had a 3D pic of her and she has a pretty large nose like her papa.. hehehe..

Lucky for her, she doesn't have the nose of her mama. :)

I am going to name her Paige Francesca.. in honor of my books, the Charm One, and my Inay, whose name was Francisca. Of course, i would not saddle "Francisca" on my baby so I decided to name her Francesca, kinda with more sass.

I want to call her Frankie/Ikay. Her papa would like to call her France or Cheska. I will not budge from this. I don't want to have my daughter being called France! Her papa wouldn't have her be called Ikay. hehehe.. I figured, the Yago family has this way of screwing our names up so I better chose the name for my baby before they do. Like, I am called Tinggay.. So my baby is Ikay! hehehe.. It is better than my little sis' -- Tinay! :)

Although, my friend Tinay, seems to like that name.. I wonder why.

Don't mind me, I am a blubbering idiot, an excited mom.

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I dont feel bad about getting fat when katie holmes looks like this...

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without sleeping

joy 012
Originally uploaded by Silhoutte.

WORK. This is what keeps me from playing sims to my hearts' content and from having quality time with my hubby... sorry baby..

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my current addiction

sims
Originally uploaded by Silhoutte.

I think settie is mad at me.. I can't blame her. I am a horrible excuse for a friend. I am up to my neck with work and I have no time to do anything else. What do I do?
1. I work.
2. Sleep for like 3-5 hours (which is bad for little Paige, I know.)
3. Play SIMS. I am an addict on that freakin' game.

anyways,

It's tough and really scary, doing business.. Sometimes u get screwed up by people (Thanks Anthony Paul!) and its a hairy business. Erbe and I are always arguing about business stuff..geeze! I am deprive of sleep and with Paige draining my body nutrients, I am left a wreck! Crying at every inopportune moment and going at Erbe like a freakin' hyena!

My only consolation, aside from cuddling inside my husband's arms, is SIMS! i cant freakin' install the SIMS 2 in our pc.. dunno what's wrong but it's totally pissing me off! It doesn't help that Jess was able to install it in his laptap without sweat. I want that SIMS 2! I want my sim having sex for god's sakes!!!! hehehe..

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My drama with Shingles

Wha-at?!? Chickenpox?!

Not chickenpox to be exact but the recurrence of it – Shigles!

I have it. Who would have thought of anything as bizarre as a virus living deep inside you and waiting for the right moment.. the exact moment when all your defenses are down and attack once again!!!

It freakin’ hurts like hell and itch! Geeze! Does it itch!

And I am supposed to drink some medications that would prevent the hellish pain that would come just after the virus goes away!! Bizaaaareee!! I tell you.

Lucky for me, I’ve read that once I’ve had the chickenpox the baby is relatively safe from the damages of Shingles.. relatively, that is.

Well, ces’t la vie!

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