P & R

I think having Riley around is forcing Paige to grow up.

I don't want her to grow up EVER.

But it's inevitable... a foregone conclusion like the fact that someday I'll grow old and wrinkly, and I'd probably spend my time worrying about bunions, warts and arthritis.  But that's life. C'est la vie.

Paige is a funny little girl. She's always been funny, and I like to talk to her because she makes me laugh.  She says the darnedest things that drive me to laughing fits.  I must say I just don't love my kid, I like her too. She likes making faces and doing all these silly things.  But she always was a baby... Her father used to carry her around before Riley was born.  Lately though, I see her growing up right before my eyes. It's like her childhood is going by so fast, I can barely hang on to her.

She likes to sing Riley to sleep. It's actually sweet...bittersweet. I used to sing Moon River to her to get her to sleep, and now she likes to sing her sister to sleep. Seriously, she stays with Riley, rubbing her forehead and gently tapping her baby sister's behind, singing Moon River until Riley falls asleep.

Why am I not doing it?

Oh, it's another story. One that deserves its own blog entry but to keep it short - I'm number 4 in Riley's list. First there's her Papa, then her grandmother, and then there's her ate, and then there's me. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit because I don't understand it. In fact, I feel stupid sometimes because I do cry about this miserable hierarchy of affection. But that's that. I read that this will change eventually, but that's that...for now.

There are a lot of things I'm learning about myself. It's like a continuous process of self-discovery.  Lately, I realized I am actually developing patience. I have to; otherwise, I'd probably commit bloody murder. Just go on a rampage. I am constantly between bickering siblings.  I don't know how many times I've heard the words, "Mama, o!" and "Siya man kaya!"  Yes, Riley can say those words now. She also loves to stick her tongue out, narrow her eyes to small sharp slits and shout, "Ay, pondo!" This prompts another round of scratching, biting, kicking until one of them cries. It's a vicious cycle that I will probably have to deal with...forever! Jesus H. Christ.

But anyway, that's life...and guess what, I am enjoying it.