Modeling Ninang Tinay's Gift

Thank U Ninang Tinay

GRRRR

For the past few days, I do not feel anything but irritation, disappointment and anger. It is consuming me that everything comes out of my mouth reveal just exactly how pissed off I am. I do not know if it is because my hormones are in complete riot – but I know that I have valid reasons for feeling like this.

It doesn't help that this pregnancy is far from being a pain-free one. My back hurts constantly and the stomach contractions feel like some idiot's cementing my stomach.

It doesn't help that I am dealing with idiocy, selfishness, childishness and immaturity. Some people need to understand that once you tie yourself to someone else and create a family, that it means that you have to give up things that you wouldn't normally want to give up. That's called compromise. Otherwise, if you continue to think of yourself, you end up being a selfish jerk.

Seriously, I feel like throwing in the towel. One hundred thousand sounds like freaking cheap right now.

Oh well, maybe it's just the hormones talking. I am just so pissed off.

Questions and Confessions

I have a bunch of questions and confessions in my head and I want to write them down –

• How do you end an almost decade long obsession?
  
• How can something that is seemingly innocent be bad?
  
• I wonder why some addictions are harder to get rid of…
  
• This is sick. It's an addiction and an obsession – I should consult a psychiatrist for this.
  
• Why should you stop being friends with someone?
  
• Is there a good reason why you should stop being friends with a "friend" when you have known the person practically your whole life?
  
• Will I feel depressed if I get rid of her?
  
• Will she notice?
  
• Is it still a good idea to be friends with someone when you don't like the person?
  
• Is there another reason why she is irritating the hell out of me?
  
• Do I have a borderline personality disorder (Girl Interrupted anyone?)
  
• Does she have borderline personality disorder?
  
• Someday, I will tell you. Someday, but not right now. I don't know if I'll ever have the courage though.

Complaining – Honestly, I’m Just Going to Complain

This sucks. Things are getting tougher. I just had a small accident in the bathroom. I was careful contrary to what Erbe was ranting about when he rushed to the bathroom after he heard me scream. Try carrying a 1.4 kg baby in your stomach plus the water plus the placenta plus the fats – and try telling me that you can pull off a fucking pirouette.

Grace is not in the vocabulary of a 7-month pregnant woman. Neither are the words "grace under pressure" because by God, I haven't cursed in my life as much as I seem to be cursing now. I am perfecting curses I promised my religion teacher I would not utter.

This sucks.

Breathing is becoming even more difficult. I am sleepy all the time, tired all the time and it doesn't help that I have not been able to get enough sleep. I have bumped off my mother and everyone else's from Paige's "Most Favorite Person in the World" list. As Erbe put it, she has discovered the meaning of "mother". This means that she now wants to sleep next to me at night. She'd throw a tantrum if we dare suggest that I get a rest and she sleeps with Mother Dear.

Anyway, since Paige started sleeping with me, I haven't been able to get enough rest. I sleep late and I have to wake up early. On top of that, I also have to wake up repeatedly between need-for-bathroom bouts.

Forgive me, I am complaining but this is what this blog is for. Otherwise, I won't have friends left if I saddle them with all my constant complaints. You can always choose to stop reading, you know?

Aside from my pregnancy complaints though, I had a great day. I met up with Bessie and her fiancée, Billy, whom I like in person. I am glad that I liked – like – him. I saw how much he loves Bes – and that's all that matters to me. The same goes for every one of my friends.

Anyway, I think I need to ask Erbe for a back massage now. The clueless husband is missing the point of all the groaning and complaining that I have been doing for the past few hours. He really needs for me to spell it out for him. Husbands, bah!

Well, 'til here.

00:50 Thoughts

Life is funny sometimes.

What am I saying? It is funny all the time. Even when things are turning horribly wrong – you can still find some humor on the fact that you're life is so fucked up, there's nothing else much to say about it.

Random thoughts… I am having them right now. You know how it is…

I am actually supposed to finish several articles and yes, I am trying to. But things keep popping up in my head. I need to write them.

So, here goes:

• I know you're supposed to be my friend and all – but you do irritate the hell out of me. You offend people without even trying to. You offend people by merely opening your mouth. It's not surprising most of our friends avoid you like the plague. And no, I am not in a competition with you.
  
  
• Things are looking up. I know they would. After all, God works in mysterious ways. Yes, I do believe in God. I may not be a devout Catholic, but I do believe in God.
  
  
• Despite what you may think, I DO NOT WORK FOR FREE! I probably would if you are Brad Pitt, but you're not. And despite what you may want to believe, I am NOT in-love with you. I never was. Effing conceited idiot.
  
  
• Geeze. I seem to be irritated with a lot of people. However, I am happy with my friends' love life. Curiously though, I should have more married friends than single ones – but that's not the case. Life and love is just starting for them at 30. And they seem to be having a ball. Nope, I do not envy them. I had my full. Thank you very much.
  
  
• I wonder how this font will come out.
  
  
• I really should go back to work now.
  
  
• I really should.
  

Wasp Bite

I got bitten by a wasp last Tuesday night.
It has been almost four days and the bite still itches like crazy.
Erbe killed the blasted thing though. Serves the little bugger right. I don't know why I am blogging this though. The bite just bugs (pun intended) the hell out of me and it deserves a post.

PostSecrets

For Kris

Playing with Paige

...while 7 months pregnant with Riley. :)

Random Thoughts

• Still taking 3-4 showers a day. At least the heat is abating. At least it now rains occasionally.
  
• I am worried about a friend. I hope that she chooses to follow her heart – if such choice will make her happy.
  
• Still has a huge crush on Jericho Rosales. What is it about that guy?
  
• Resolved to have an effing cesarean section. Trying to come to terms with the inevitable pain.
  
• Scratch that – I am fighting the CS
  
• I feel like I've swallowed a whole cow.
  
• I feel like a cow.
  
• I look like an effing cow.
  
• I like the Bottomline.
  
• August – still wants to attend Bessie's wedding.
  
• The contractions are bad.
  
• I'm in-love with my daughter.
  
• I wish she wouldn't go through with it.
  
• I really don't like him. AT ALL.
  
• Better get back to work now.
  
• I miss you.

Like Father Like Daughter

My husband tends to be a little bit vain. No, scratch that –he can be so freaking vain sometimes. But his daughter definitely gives him a run for his money on the vanity part.

Yesterday, Erbe was standing in front of the mirror. He was holding Paige and as usual, he started primping again (yes, as much as guys can manage to primp). He didn't notice that his daughter was primping as well.

He said, "Gwapuhon si papa ano, bi?"

His daughter response took him aback but it drove me to laughing fits –

"Madayunon ako papa, ano?"

J

That didn't stop there, however.

This evening, after eating her dinner, Erbe gave his daughter a glass of water and asked her to drink all of it. Paige, who was really full after a large dinner, drank everything and then she noticed her stomach bulging with food and water.

She turned to her father and promptly exclaimed, "Papa, pareho na kita ano?"

She was pointedly staring at her Papa's paunch.

J

One by U2

What if you made different choices?
What if you said YES instead of NO?
What if you got a second chance?
Would you take it?