Just Let Go

At some point, you have to let go. You have to stop.

These words have become my mantra. Ironically, I can’t seem to just let go.  It’s emotionally exhausting and mentally draining. I really should just let go.  This thing is weighing me down. It has taken over my conscious thoughts. Why can’t I just let this go?

It’s taking too much. It’s like this greedy insatiable monster that devours happiness and peace of mind. And I feed it incessantly.

I have to just let go. It’s easy.

I just need to start.

And for the nth time, that is what I am going to do.

I Need to Blog Coz Life Sucks

Erbe found him lying on the floor because he was so weak, he collapsed on the floor. He didnt have the strength to get up or cry for help. 

I've been wondering why I feel so sad. I've gotten so used to worrying that it has become a part of me. And then it hit me, I started hoping he'd get better when I saw him up and about the last few days. I really thought he'd get better and then the fever appeared again. And then Erbe saw him lying there this morning. And here I am a mess again. I can't even study. I hate this.

We've been told to just accept the inevitable. Fuck that. 

Someone told me to shower him with I love you's. I dont want to do that. It's like I'm conceding and letting go. Fuck that.