Doing the Right Thing

Doing the right thing… it’s not as easy as one would think. It sucks.  It definitely sucks. Especially when it means losing something that means so much to me…

Giving up something that makes me happy – it’s not easy.  But it is something that I need to do.  It is something that I cannot afford to keep.  I can’t wait for the shit to hit the fan. Before the shit hits, I need to let it go.  But I don’t want to. God, I don’t want to.  I’ve been deprived of the choice though. I can no longer choose. It has been chosen for me.  And I can’t insist…I can’t force.  It would be unfair. It would be hell.

How do you let go of something you look forward to everyday?

How easy is to let go of a thought that has been possessing you?

I wish it is easy.

But it will be easy. One day at a time. I’ll get used to things…

I will not look forward to anything.

I will not think of anything.

I will just live life the way I’ve always lived it – and maybe somehow things will work out the way they should.

I hate the tears. They pour easily. They pour no matter how many times I try to wipe them. I hate them.

I hate you. Somehow that thought slips through every now and then. I hate you. I hate you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Life. It is indomitable puzzle. Why things happen  - I don’t know. I just need to learn how to relive it, like I’ve always lived it 2,246,400 seconds ago.

And I will learn to love, love, love things that I’ve always loved – and learn to forget things I should have never cared for in the first place.

But I love you. I do. I do.

Sucks, huh?

The paradigm of a complicated existence.