Burgundy?!

For the life of me, Mommy woke up this morning and decided to have fun with Nana Viol's hair. She convinced Nana Viol that she'd look fabulous with burgundy-colored hair. What she calls burgundy I call "god-awful red".

But my mother refused to listen. She's pretty devious. That's what she is. She wanted to see how the "burgundy" would look like before she uses the dye on her own hair.

I believe she found out that I was right. The dye job was pretty horrendous as you can see for yourself.

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Old Lady Vajayjay Day

Life has been...well, rather predictable.  It's a happy life, but it's a predictable one.  Even ghosts and helpers scratching each other's eyes out are predictable.  But every now and then, something unexpected happens..so, I blog.

Earlier this morning, we decided to eat lunch at Greenwich after Paige's event.  While eating, Riley wanted to go "pee-pee".  So, I grabbed her and ran to the bathroom. It was occupied, so we had to wait for a bit. While waiting, this old lady arrived and waited as well.  When the door opened, she tried to get through first. I knew I had to give in, but I was holding a toddler who was all too ready to pee.  I figured, old bat vs. my daughter, daughter wins hands down, so I nudged her to the side, and entered the door, but the old lady followed immediately and locked the door behind her. I had no time to close the door, and Riley was already peeing in her undies!  So, I had to set her down on the toilet fast.  The old lady stood behind me and started making the "whish..whish..whish..." sound to get Riley to probably work her bladder faster.

So, anyway, after Riley finished peeing, I grabbed her, stood her by the sink to remove her undies.  It is at this point that I saw the old lady, lift her skirt, whipped her panties to the side and started to pee.  She did not remove her panties.  She just grabbed the cloth covering her crotch, whipped it to the side and peed!  Yes, I saw it and everything else that cannot be unseen. Que horror!

"Ugh."

Obviously, we couldn't get out just yet.  So, I stood there, holding Riley, stared at the door and marveled at my amazing luck. I was not in the mood for an Old Lady's Vagina day, but well, that was what Fate had in store for me.  I kept biting my tongue until she finished with her Amazon River-like pee.  And when she finally finished, I rushed outside and started laughing and laughing.

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Because It Only Happens to Me

I know these things happen to me, so I shouldn't have been surprised. After all, I am cursed.

I fall down stairs with half of the University's student body watching me roll - literally roll from the second floor to the ground floor. I am that girl who walks around with her ass hanging out for all the world to see - and yes, again, I mean that literally. So, when something embarrassing happens to me, I shouldn't be surprised, right? No. For the life of me, I am always caught unprepared.

Earlier this afternoon, I decided to look for something to give Paige on her birthday. I thought of buying her a Leapfrog "pseudo" tablet for kids. But you know how those things are and Paige plays Sims on my computer. She manipulates Mommy's Samsung phone quite well. God, she has figured out that Eula Valdez is Rita Avila in Walang Hanggan even before I even had a clue.  (She was watching Eula Valdez stared at Rita Avila's wedding picture and she was like, "Ay mama! Si mama sia ni nathan!") But I digress. Point is - this will bore her out of her wits! 

It would have been different if we got her this -

But this is a bit expensive and her father wouldn't go for it.  He is about "practicality" which is okay, considering how flighty I tend to be.  Anyway, I thought I'd check out video consoles in this store.

When I entered the store, I noticed that everyone was looking at this guy standing outside the store - across the store actually.  Anyway, I barely gave him notice and I started checking out game consoles.  But their conversations caught my attention.

"Hilinga na baya ta naghuba na diyan."

HUH?!  And indeed, this guy had his pants down.  He was wearing shorts underneath and he was wearing this black sando shirt.  But still, he had his pants down.  He had his back turned.  He was facing the wall, looking at his crotch and he was like adjusting something.

"Kasubago pa baga yan dian", they said.

"Binendahan kamot nia ta sige baga yan suntok dian kasubago."

And so I offered an opinion, "Siguro po may hilang sa payo."

"Iyo, nauranan garo yan", one saleslady said.

And they all laughed. And they kept watching him and laughing.  It took him about 5 minutes to finish whatever it was that was keeping him busy down his pants.  It was weird because there was no security officer around.  Anyway, he finally finished and slowly turned. And then he stood with his arms crossed like as if he wasn't fiddling with his thing a minute before.

"Hmm. Garo bistado ko. Shit! Garo iyo."

I peered at him again and then it hit me, "Bulay, taga-Mabolo. Bistado ko pa. Shit! Baka mabistado ako."

"God, sana po dai ako nabisto."

I turned around and pretended I didn't see him.

And then fate bit my ass and started laughing. 

He must have seen me  because, I heard someone shout, "Tere!"

I felt my heart dropped to the floor.

Should I turn around and wave?

Should I pretend not to hear him - but oh, God, that's an awful thing to do.

Should I skedaddle and leave the store. Yes, that's what I should do. NOW!  

I slowly turned and I slithered my way slowly to the side door like the awful Christian that I am.

"O, garo may bistado digdi", somebody said.

 

"Tere! Tere!"

Bulay, I thought.

"Ay, si ma'am palan bistado," I heard someone said as I walked outside the door.

Pakshet.

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My Little Girl Has a Crush

Paige has seemingly developed a crush for this little boy in our neighborhood. As her mother, I would have probably just shrugged it off IF the boy were even remotely adorable, but he's not. And that is the understatement of the year. The poor little boy has not seen a bucket of water in days!  He's dirty.  He's often walking barefoot and he is always, always buck naked! Yep, his little twiggy is wagging for all the world to see.  So, you can just imagine our reaction when we heard Paige's neighborhood bestfriend telling the little boy, "I love you daa sabi ni Paige."

I was amused and a little dismayed, but Erbe's reaction was hilarious!  He started critizing our little girl's crush.  Which prompted Paige to declare, "Di dai na lugod ako ma-boyfriend!"  Erbe retorted back, "Kung ito man lang talaga iboyboyfriend mo, talagang dai na!Dai man lamang karakarigos!" I found the whole exchange hilarious. But my little girl was devastated not to have the support of her Papa.

Just look at Paige's reaction.

The other day, I was calling Paige and she said, "May kakaulayun ako mama." Kakaulayun. The word is amusing which got me curious, "Sisay kakaulayun mo?"  She didn't answer.  Bek, however, was standing next to her and she told me, "Hinahalat baga ate katong crush niya dian sa luwas." This enraged Paige who started crying and screaming.

I had to bite my lips to keep myself from laughing. And I called her for a fairly short conversation about crushes and naked boys. :)

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Say It Again and Again!

One thing I've learned about being a mother is that shouting doesn't work.  Often, Paige would cower, simper and cry when I fail to control my temper and end up shouting at her for something she did.  Over the years, I've learned other disciplinary tactics.

For instance, when Paige pretends she can't hear me, forcing me to shout her name over and over again before she'd respond, I would usually ask her to cover her ears.  She'd stay like that until I am well satisfied that she gets my point.  So, she'd walk around the house, with her hands covering her ears.  It usually lasts for several minutes.  Usually, however, I observe the "a minute for every year" rule.

Yesterday, Paige and I were talking and she kept inserting the word "udo" in her sentences.  It doesn't matter if she makes sense.  She'd just keep saying "udo".  So, I corrected her, asked her to stop using the word.  I thought she understood me until I asked her to ask their yaya to iron her uniform.  Off she went and then I heard her repeat my request to Bek.  I failed to hear the yaya's answer but I heard Paige said, "ay brownout? Akala ko kaya UDO."

Gahd.

So, I promptly called her and asked her to sit on the bed.  I told her to say the word "udo" over and over again until she's so tired of saying it, she wouldn't say it again. So, she started, "udo, udo, udo, udo, udo.."

In truth, it was amusing.  I had to turn my head, so she wouldn't see me smiling.  At that time, I was holding Riley who was asleep.  Eventually, Riley woke up.  And she saw Paige, sitting there muttering "udo, udo, udo, udo".

At this juncture, Paige's muttering has attained a certain rhythm.  I was still trying not to smile, but I was struggling.  Riley, however, didn't know her ate was being punished. She stood up and she started dancing to "udo, udo, udo"  Her head was bobbing, knees bending and hands clapping to the rhythm of "udo, udo, udo".

It was hilarious.  I burst out laughing and as you may well expect, Paige's punishment ended. Ah! the joys of motherhood! :)

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The Things I Learned from Being a Mom

I am not your typical mom.  In fact, I am so atypical that I envy the normal ones, you know regular mothers.  I have my own way of doing things.  I think I frustrate Erbe who is so traditional in his views that he probably regrets marrying me.  I think he starts his prayers with, "Dear God, please help me reform my wife."


If you were married to me and you are quite traditional, you will regret it.  You see, I believe not all women are born with this overwhelming desire to clean the house, chop onions and grate cheese.

Okay, I know there are great pleasures they said you'd derive from "serving" your husband or your children.  One word comes to mind though every time I hear this chauvinistic statement - ARCHAIC.  Seriously?!  I'd probably do these things because I see them as:

1. Things I have to do because nobody else will do them

2. Things I want to do because it'll please my husband

However, #2 is negotiable.  It depends on how pleased I am with the husband as well.  If he's being an ass, should I still try to please His Majesty?

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The Unending Saga of Nana Delia

Do you remember Nana Delia?  


She's one of the weird characters in my life, but I find her strangely adorable. :)  The other day, she came for a visit and zealot that she is, she - again - went on and on about God.  At one point, I asked her about her thoughts on priests being accused of pedophilia and sodomy.  It was fun to see her sputter angrily at me. It was worth ruffling her feathers.  Erbe scolded me though. :)


I think I told you before how Nana Delia wallpapered her house with pictures of Jesus and Mary.  She has even wrapped her furnitures with pictures of Jesus and Mary that she torn from magazines, books or newspapers.  She's that serious about her faith.  Anyway, she has also became a controversial figure in Church every Sunday in our barrio in Cabusao.  


Apparently, she tends to shout prayers, responses and songs.  So, when the priest says, "Mapa-saindo ang Kagurangnan."


She'd be shouting, with her arms outstretched before her, "Mapa-saimo man!"

Anyway, mama went to Church last Friday ('twas the first Friday of the month).  She was sitting in front and the church was packed.  She was a little bit late and she came in during the second reading.  


Finally, the priest stood up for the Gospel.  It was then that she noticed that people were a bit excited about something.  Finally, it happened.  The priest addressed the congregation - and every time, he'd say something, the congregation would craned their neck towards the back, trying to find the woman shouting the responses at the back., arms outstretched before her.  People were snickering.  Some were openly giggling.


Oh, yes, you know exactly who it was.  


Mommy, however, was not quite sure.  she thought, "Garo si Nana Delia ito. Pero maano man daw ito digdi?"  Then as expected the priest said, "Mapasaindo ang Kagurangnan".  On cue, the woman shouted, "Asin mapasaimo man, kagurangnan ko!!!"


This went on and on during the entire mass.  Until finally, people queued up for the communion.  After receiving communion, Mommy turned and behold, she saw the culprit - Nana Delia, standing in line, with all her plastic bags, waiting for her turn.  :)

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Sick But Funny Paige

My daughter may be sick but she certainly knows how to laugh. She is a funny little kid. She can certainly make me laugh.

We have both been stuck inside our room. She is with fever and I am suffering from symphysis pubis dysfunction. I am suffering, I swear. Every movement makes me want to weep. Every movement hurts. I feel a little bit better though after a few hours of sleep, but I still can't easily move. I walk like 110-year-old virgin woman. It takes forever to reach the bathroom which is normally about 5 steps away from our room. Now, it takes me several minutes to reach it.

Earlier, I was crying...again when suddenly Paige approached me and said, "Mama, hilingun mo udo ko."

Huh?

And I started laughing when I saw her drawing -

She started doodling again and then she said, "Mama, hilingun mo atot ko"

After enjoying my laughter, she left again and started drawing again. Finally, she presented the last of her "funny but disgusting" series.

"Mama, hilingun mo wiwi ko."

Curiously, except for the butt, the images are different. :)

Here's a video of her being her usual makulit self.

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Dirty Vagina

You experience all sorts of crazy, embarrassing and funny things when you are pregnant.

A couple of weeks ago, Mommy's helper, Alma (remind me to post her picture here one day), was suffering from stomach pains. This prompted a medical check-up and a urinalysis test. The test revealed that she had bacterial vaginosis and yeast infection.

Since she is also practically living with Mommy's "chicken grill boy" Boboy (remember him?) and enjoys nightly sex marathons, Mommy decided that she should get tested for pregnancy too.

I volunteered to buy the home pregnancy kit test since I was going out that day.

Mommy noticed that the patient's name section on the prescriptions, however, for the BV and yeast infection was left blank, so Mommy decided to put her name on the prescriptions and pass them off as hers.

She was gleeful about this. She was happy about the 20 percent discount she'd get for Alma's meds, but this didn't last long. She promptly changed her mood when I said, "Mama, ang iisipun po kang babakalan mo, maatiun ang buday mo."

That gave her a pause.

"Tapos iisipun ninda senior citizen ka na po tapos promiscuous ka pa giraray. Sabi kaya Mommy, women of multiple sexual partners get BV."

Mommy started frowning.

"Saka Mommy, they'd wonder how you can still get these vaginal diseases, dai ka naman childbearing age. They'd think nagreregla ka pa ma o dai ka nagpupupo!"

You can very well imagine my mother's reaction. Unfortunately, this prompted her to ask me to buy the medicines instead. She, however, was insistent on the 20% discount, so she gave me an authorization letter. You don't say no to your mother. That's the number one rule.

Later that evening, I was buying the medications. It was fine at first since I had the letter and senior citizen card and all. Until, I remembered I had to buy the Home Pregnancy Kit Test as well. Since, I already gave the prescriptions to the lady behind the counter, I had to practically shout for my additional purchase, "Ah, miss! Home Pregnancy Kit Test pa palan"

Everybody turned and looked at my bulging stomach. And I mean, BULGING stomach. It was only then that I realized what they must be thinking -

I gave out a laugh and joked, "Dai pa kaya ako sure."

:)

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This had me giggling...

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Pregnancy Complaints – READ at YOUR OWN PERIL

Just vomited my guts out – yes, that is exactly how I want this post to start.

Vomiting.

It should have ended 5 months ago, but no, no, no. This daughter of mine decided that she likes the idea of her mother vomiting her guts out at 3:44 in the morning. It doesn't matter that I am 8 months pregnant. So, there I was huddling the toilet bowl (like people do in the movies) and retching. At some point, I thought, "Oh, that's my dinner (as I stare at the meat and vegetable concoction floating)! It has been hours! Why isn't it digested yet?!"

This is getting harder by the day. My scoliosis is acting up. The huge stomach weight is taking a huge toll on my poor back.

It's Khristine's fault. I blame her for my condition. No, she didn't get me impregnated – Erbe did.

What she did, however, was cursed me with this scoliosis.

You see, for four years – all throughout High School, we would walk from St. Joseph School all the way to Arana (where my house used to be). And all those years, I would carry her effing bag for her. This is not just any bag, mind you. Any Josephian worth his or her salt knows how heavy a Josephian bag can be. She told me she had scoliosis and that her back hurt, so if I wouldn't mind too much, "Can you please carry my bag for me?" I was such an idiot. A big sucker. I did! I carried her bag for her – and it's only now that I discovered she did not have back problems. She was just too lazy to carry her bag! And now, I have the effing scoliosis. Yeah, great.

Friendship sucks sometimes.

And she's not even apologetic for that. She'd usually laugh her ass off every time I'd remind her. She's the bane of my existence, that woman.

Anyway, I digress – and because I have I'd just better get back to work.

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Favorite Pictures of the Week

I just like this. :) I was going to SM and was waiting for a trike to bring me there and I was standing in front of this monument, and so I took this picture. I just like it. I used to think that the swirling thing looked like a huge swirling "dump". :)


You can't see it, but it's there. It's this really small pubic-like strand of hair that bugged the hell out of me for hours! Erbe couldn't find it and he kept telling me I was imagining the strand of hair that I kept calling, "pubic hair". I kept saying, "It's there, damn it! I feel it. It's curly and it's irritating!" Until finally, I was able to pluck it off the top of my head. It was such a huge relief that I had to take a picture of it.


This picture bothers the hell out of me. Doesn't it bother you?


Tinapay, this is the picture I was telling you about. The leaf covers the hole that should be there. And look at her, she's grinning like "it" wasn't poking out when I took the picture. My mother is the queen of embarrassing stories. I don't know why she didn't notice that it was poking out. :)

Finally, the pic of the day -


I was on a trike with Tinay and the trike stopped in front of Jollibee. She got off the trike and I followed suit. I heard a RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPING sound. And I was like, "uh.oh." Tinay's reaction, "Saimo lang talaga nangyayari ang mga ini!"

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Laura

For almost a month now, we have Norman Sanchez working for us as our helper. He was initially hired to take care of Paige - or actually to follow Paige around. He is so freaking industrious, however, he puts every one of our helpers past and present to shame. He's a busy, busy ant all the time.

There are two things, however, that makes him distinctive:
1. He is gay.  He wants us to call him Laura - and so we do.
2. He has speech defect.

Earlier this morning, we were having breakfast and Mommy asked Laura for his family name. (Notice the irony here, the use of the word "his" after the Proper noun "Laura").

He answered, "Tantes."

We didn't understand at first and so we kept asking him to repeat the word.


"Tantes"

And so I said it just like that, "Tantes???"

He nodded vaguely.  Since, I was speaking softly, he didn't hear me.

Oh, yeah, that's the third distinctive fact about Laura, he is a little deaf, no scratch that, he is about 90% deaf. You really have to literally shout so he could hear you. So, don't think badly of my mother if you see her instructing Laura at the top of her voice, "Magbakal kang sarong kilong asukar sa tindahan!"

Anyway, I digress.

As I was saying, Laura nodded when I asked him if his family name was indeed, "Tantes".

I was wrong.

My cousin, who was having her breakfast too, asked, "Sanchez?"

Laura once again nodded vigorously, "Iyo! Iyo!"

Dabeng, my cousin, said, "Sanchez man ako"

Laura answered, "Ay 'ayop ta dai ta tatabi, pintan ta ka payan!"

Mommy and I were taken aback by the use of "ayop" but we started laughing. Yes, we're like that.

Laura continued, "pintan to itong atista ta tv."

I asked, "Si Sylvia Sanchez?"

He nodded, "o-ho"

I continued, "Si Korina Sanchez?"

He nodded again, "iyo! iyo!

Again, he turned to Dabeng and said, "dai ta tatabi! pintan ta ta!" He then promptly stood up and disappeared.

After several minutes, he returned with an ID of his mother. He turned to Dabeng and said, "hitingun mo, tantes."

Oh, yeah, the word Sanchez was clearly printed. What surprised me, however, was his mother's picture. His mother looked like a man. Apparently, his mother is as gay as Laura.  :)

Well, here's our Laura.

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What My Epitaph Would Probably Say

Reading through some of the world’s famous epitaphs, I wondered how mine would say if I write it and how it would say if others wrote it for me. So, let’s see:

Me: Well, that was fun!

Erbe: Here lies my wife. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Silence at last!

Mommy:

This child of mine
Just turned deaf
When I told her
To please lay her hands off the ref!
She just went ahead
And did what I prohibited
Now at look at her
Just laying there dead!

Kris: Now, you’ve really done it. I won’t be covering up for your ass this time!

Daddy:

Here lies my child who said she was on a diet.
Should have whopped her ass good for lying!

Tinay:

There lies my matchmaker.
She went ahead and died on me.
How dare she?!

My Friends:

There lies our friend.
Finally, we can now trust her to shut her mouth
And keep our secrets.

My Enemies:

Here lies my enemy.
Oh, goody, goody.
May her soul rest in eternal suffering.

My Blog Readers:

Here lies a blogger.
Her blog was asinine
But it was good enough to kill time.

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Humor Through Grief

Walking home after our last class, my friends from law school and I noticed the reflections from the searchlight darting here and there across the blackened sky.

As usual, my friends couldn't resist blurting out a wisecrack, and so Bumble said, "Hinahanap na naman ni Batman ang brief nia."

That made us laugh, but searchlights do not remind of Batman or his briefs. It actually reminds me of my Inay's wake.

It was August 2003. I was going through a major heartbreak - but of course, that's another story.

Anyway, Inay (my lola) passed away from pneumonia and I was heartbroken. We were in Cabusao for a one-week long wake - and sleeping was difficult with many people coming and going.

Mama was popping Valium like they were M&M's and she was walking around like a freaking zombie. Old ladies kept singing this song about some mother dying. The song would of course trigger sniffles or all-out hysteria. This pissed off one of my uncles who figured people would stop crying if the old biddies would just stop singing the darn song.

Anyway, I was afraid to go to sleep, but this one night I was able to. It was one of those nights.. The room where I was sleeping was quiet, but downstairs, I could hear people coming in and out of the house.

The peace was disturbed by this sudden commotion which also broke through my stupor. Suddenly, Mommy came into the room exclaiming, "Ne! May aswang sa luwas! Kasubago pa sigeng layug!"

At first I didn't want to open my eyes. I was so goddamn sleepy. But the word "aswang" broke through the haze and then I remembered that i left all the windows open. I imagined the freaking aswang ripping my head off my body (gruesome, I know), but the image had me scrambling out of the bed and running downstairs.

Nobody was inside the house. Everyone was outside, looking up the sky. So, I figured, what the heck - why not check out what's causing all the excitement.

People were pointing at the sky. My aunts and uncles (all educated if I may say so) were also looking up and giving out their opinions as to what they were seeing.

At first, I couldn't see anything - and then I saw this white blur moving to and fro. Everybody was so excited about it. I could hear all sorts of gossips - "Nagtugpa na daa yan sa atup nina Tata Kano. Maduguan daa yan tapos mayo na daang hawak. Manananggal daa yan."

The image was gruesome. I shuddered just thinking about it. Again, I looked up and shivered at the thought of the manananggal swooping in from the sky and eating me.

I heard one of my aunts saying matter-of-factly, "Dai yan aswang. UFO yan." Huh?!

After about 5 minutes of staring at the sky, I noticed that the blur of light does not seem to pose as a threat at all. After 10 minutes, I became so bored, I decided to go inside.

After a while, my mother came in looking for flashlight, "Ne, nahiling mo si flashlight? Nagduman si aswang sa plaza. Maduruman kami ta gagadanun daa."

My response was a huge sigh. I still didn't know what the white blurred light was, but i was pretty sure it wasn't an aswang.

Anyway, they weren't not able to kill "the aswang" because the light didn't move away from the spot. It didn't sweep down and there were no reports of anyone being eaten alive.

The next day, two of my cousins and I went to Naga to get some burial stuffs. We weren't able to come home the same day, so we decided to spend the night here.

That night, my cousin and I decided to eat out. Nobody wanted to cook and we figured eating at Biggs would be more convenient. Walking home, my cousin (who hasn't gone to Cabusao yet for the wake) looked up and saw the reflections of a searchlight darting here and there.

"Okay man ang Chili Peppers ah. Nag-aattract na naman customers."

I looked up and saw the white light reflected across the blackened sky. It was only then that I realized what that freaking aswang really was - an effing searchlight.

I started laughing. Classic.

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Just One of Those Conversations

Yesterday evening, I was fiddling with my new phone (courtesy of my sister who took pity on me after she saw my busted phone - and of course, I don't mind wringing her out of her hard earned money) when Paige approached Erbe who was lying next to me watching TV. She said, "Papa, bata na pipi ko."

I looked up in time to see Erbe's disconcerted face and I started laughing. I love it when he is confronted with this kind of stuff. Anyway, Paige continued, "pupo mo na ako... bata na pipi ko."

Erbe's face took on a more uncomfortable expression. He said, "Pag-abot sa pipi baby, si mama na lang ha? Bako na si papa."

Paige insisted, “Ika na lang, papa!”

I found the whole exchange quite hilarious. Anyway, I decided to rescue Erbe and said, “Dian na baby, mama na lang. Bantot na talaga po.”

I picked her up and I heard Erbe shout out, “Naparong nia ta pigpaparaatuman pipi nia!”

As if she understood what he said, Paige shouted back, “Bastos!”

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Too Many Chickens

I swear! Owning chicken grills turns you off from grilled chickens. It doesn't matter if they are just taken off the grill.

We can't sell every freaking chicken, so when the boys come home at the end of the day, you can bet your ass they would have several unsold grilled chickens. So, they won't get spoiled, we have to eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner!

Imagine eating grilled chickens almost everyday for the last 3 years!

It has come to that point where our distaste of grilled chickens has reached a certain level of absurdity - humorous absurdity.

Me: Ma, maluto akong lumpia. Pero sarong kilo lang dai kabali si mga para-manok.
Mamu: Ha? Ay! di bale na lang, si manok na lang sainda. (A pause) Ne, sabi ko daa, si manok na lang sainda. Isipun mo yan.

-0-

Nana Viol: Manay, may mga tada pa pong manok.
Mamu: Pira pa?
Nana Viol: Lima pa po.
Mamu: Dai na naman lang yan kakarakanun, ipanao mo na lang dian sa kataraid.
The neighbors were very happy indeed.

-0-

Me: Nana Viol, ano po ulam ta?
Nana Viol: Si manok tere tig-paksiw ko.
Me: Arin pong manok? Si lechon?
Nana Viol: Iyo.
Me: Aay.. habo ko na po kayan.
Nana Viol: Ay, may tuyo pa dian kung gusto mo?
Me: Ay, iyo na lang po ito. May lemon po?

Who would have thought, right?

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Thanks Jinx!

This one made my day.

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Garchoreeena

I love how she says Garchitorena. Brings the lolz.

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So, Is It True?

"Have you ever thought of having sex with anyone of my friends?"

This question knocked the wind's off Erbe's sails.

He went red and then he began to blubber, and he finally exclaimed forcefully, "Dai!!!"

"Okay, now I know you're lying. So, c'mon tell me, who???"
"Ano man na hapot yan?!" He answered, and he took on an offensive tactic, "Ba, mapuon ka na naman!"

Anyway, I explained that it's the claim of this article I just read. He shrugged off the article, "Hambog man lang yan kayan!" And so I decided to pick another alleged truth from the same article and I asked, "Is it true that husbands want their wives to initiate sex more often?"

He answered, "Ah, yes!"

"O di kung totoo yan, di most likely totoo man si inot! So, sisay sa mga friends ko?!?"

He did not answer. He huffed in disgust, ignored me and opted to watch Woody and Buzz.

The gentleman doth protest too much, huh? :)

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