Burgundy?!

For the life of me, Mommy woke up this morning and decided to have fun with Nana Viol's hair. She convinced Nana Viol that she'd look fabulous with burgundy-colored hair. What she calls burgundy I call "god-awful red".

But my mother refused to listen. She's pretty devious. That's what she is. She wanted to see how the "burgundy" would look like before she uses the dye on her own hair.

I believe she found out that I was right. The dye job was pretty horrendous as you can see for yourself.

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Her First Crush

I was fixing Riley's hair and wasn't paying attention to Paige.  She was going on and on about something she wanted to tell me.  It was a little bit irritating, truth be told.  Finally, Riley's little tuft of hair was fixed, so I turned to Paige and said, "Okay, now tell me. What is it?"

She smiled and said, "Mama, may crush daw ako kay Zack."

She was smiling sheepishly, shyly...

And I knew then that that was a big moment... a huge one. A freakingly huge one.  I didn't want to screw it up, so I pasted a huge smile on my face.  And I prompted her to tell me more, "Crush ka man ni Zack bi?"

She's 6 years old and she's in second grade!  And I didn't know what to say.  I didn't know how to handle it, but I knew that I SHOULD NOT FREAK OUT. So, I didn't.  I prayed that the smile wouldn't slip from my face.  Inside, however, I was screaming, "OH MY GOD! She's my baby!!!"  But then I thought, "What the heck. It's not like she's telling me she fornicated, was impregnated by some trucker and she's running off to get married. So, I took it all in a stride and dropped down on my knees and proceeded to ask her about Zack. I've always known she has a teeny weeny crush on the boy because she keeps talking about him - all the time.  But I didn't know that she understood what that meant.  Apparently, she does now.  And apparently, that boy has a crush on her too.  Paige proceeded to tell me he tells her he loves her everyday!  So, there goes another litany of "Oh My Gods" in my head.

But I think I handled it properly.  No teasing.  No freaking out.  She was happy.

End of story.

Uh.huh. Not yet.

Later this evening, we were skyping with her papa.  At one point, I said, "Paige, why don't you tell Papa what you told me earlier." 

She didn't want to.  This prompted Erbe's curiosity because he could see our daughter covering my mouth to prevent me from talking.  I was laughing.  Finally, she said, "Sige na daw."

So, I told him what she told me, "Paige told me that she has a crush on Zack."

He didn't understand at first, so I had to repeat the sentence a couple of times.

Silence.

And then he said, "Aaaaay! Bawal ka na dian magrani sa Zack na yan!"

Paige's face fell.

But Erbe was oblivious to it, he continued forbidding her to ever come near "that boy" again.  He threw in a couple of threats to the little boy's health, "Tiukon ko yan Zack na yan!"

It was so freaking funny. I told him that yes, the little boy likes Paige too.  This prompted another bout of forbidding and threats. It was so funny but apparently Paige didn't think so.  Her face was crestfallen.  It was so sad, so I shushed Erbe and told him that he was handling it very, very badly.  He sighed and then said, "haay. ika na lang ba ang bahala."

Freaking hilarious.  You'd think she's 16 and she has a serious relationship.  He even kept saying, "MU pa pati kamo!"

I was laughing like a lunatic.  God.

So, yeah, score 1 for mother.

and a ze-boo-hoo-ro for the father. :D

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The Supermom

When you're a mom, you learn that you're expected to fix everything.  It doesn't matter what it is.  Your children see you as this "superwoman" who goes about life, making their lives easier, better, happier.  So, when your child asks you to fix a toy that her sister broke, then you damn well better fix the toy.

It's not optional.

So, that's what I did. I tried fixing the damn bike. I grabbed the Epoxy tubes and tried to glue the damn thing back together.  It took me two hours, but the broken parts just wouldn't stick together. I tried stringing them together. It took me half an hour to realize it was impossible. I tried for more than two hours - all the while, cursing at the damn thing. I couldn't even scold Riley who broke the toy.  And Paige sniffling and crying drove me nuts.  I wanted to cry myself. So, I put down the toy, called up Erbe and spent a couple of minutes ranting.  When I felt a little better, I went back to fixing the damn thing.

But after two hours, I gave up. I thought that was the end of it. I made a mental note to buy a toy for Paige the next day.

And the kids and I went to sleep.

The next day, Paige opened her eyes and asked if her toy is fixed already. It's like she expected me to stay up the night until I fixed the toy. I didn't want to disappoint her, but honestly, I just can't fix it.

Frustrated, I grabbed the toy, grabbed the scotch tape and scotch taped the hell out of the damn thing - and voila! It's fixed!  Paige didn't mind the ugly tape. She was so happy that she could play with it again.  And I was happy that I was, once again, her supermom.

She believes I have powers, you see.  It's because she thinks my kiss can cure any ache and pain.

I'll let you in a little secret... it does.

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My Little Girl Has a Crush

Paige has seemingly developed a crush for this little boy in our neighborhood. As her mother, I would have probably just shrugged it off IF the boy were even remotely adorable, but he's not. And that is the understatement of the year. The poor little boy has not seen a bucket of water in days!  He's dirty.  He's often walking barefoot and he is always, always buck naked! Yep, his little twiggy is wagging for all the world to see.  So, you can just imagine our reaction when we heard Paige's neighborhood bestfriend telling the little boy, "I love you daa sabi ni Paige."

I was amused and a little dismayed, but Erbe's reaction was hilarious!  He started critizing our little girl's crush.  Which prompted Paige to declare, "Di dai na lugod ako ma-boyfriend!"  Erbe retorted back, "Kung ito man lang talaga iboyboyfriend mo, talagang dai na!Dai man lamang karakarigos!" I found the whole exchange hilarious. But my little girl was devastated not to have the support of her Papa.

Just look at Paige's reaction.

The other day, I was calling Paige and she said, "May kakaulayun ako mama." Kakaulayun. The word is amusing which got me curious, "Sisay kakaulayun mo?"  She didn't answer.  Bek, however, was standing next to her and she told me, "Hinahalat baga ate katong crush niya dian sa luwas." This enraged Paige who started crying and screaming.

I had to bite my lips to keep myself from laughing. And I called her for a fairly short conversation about crushes and naked boys. :)

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Say It Again and Again!

One thing I've learned about being a mother is that shouting doesn't work.  Often, Paige would cower, simper and cry when I fail to control my temper and end up shouting at her for something she did.  Over the years, I've learned other disciplinary tactics.

For instance, when Paige pretends she can't hear me, forcing me to shout her name over and over again before she'd respond, I would usually ask her to cover her ears.  She'd stay like that until I am well satisfied that she gets my point.  So, she'd walk around the house, with her hands covering her ears.  It usually lasts for several minutes.  Usually, however, I observe the "a minute for every year" rule.

Yesterday, Paige and I were talking and she kept inserting the word "udo" in her sentences.  It doesn't matter if she makes sense.  She'd just keep saying "udo".  So, I corrected her, asked her to stop using the word.  I thought she understood me until I asked her to ask their yaya to iron her uniform.  Off she went and then I heard her repeat my request to Bek.  I failed to hear the yaya's answer but I heard Paige said, "ay brownout? Akala ko kaya UDO."

Gahd.

So, I promptly called her and asked her to sit on the bed.  I told her to say the word "udo" over and over again until she's so tired of saying it, she wouldn't say it again. So, she started, "udo, udo, udo, udo, udo.."

In truth, it was amusing.  I had to turn my head, so she wouldn't see me smiling.  At that time, I was holding Riley who was asleep.  Eventually, Riley woke up.  And she saw Paige, sitting there muttering "udo, udo, udo, udo".

At this juncture, Paige's muttering has attained a certain rhythm.  I was still trying not to smile, but I was struggling.  Riley, however, didn't know her ate was being punished. She stood up and she started dancing to "udo, udo, udo"  Her head was bobbing, knees bending and hands clapping to the rhythm of "udo, udo, udo".

It was hilarious.  I burst out laughing and as you may well expect, Paige's punishment ended. Ah! the joys of motherhood! :)

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The Things I Learned from Being a Mom

I am not your typical mom.  In fact, I am so atypical that I envy the normal ones, you know regular mothers.  I have my own way of doing things.  I think I frustrate Erbe who is so traditional in his views that he probably regrets marrying me.  I think he starts his prayers with, "Dear God, please help me reform my wife."


If you were married to me and you are quite traditional, you will regret it.  You see, I believe not all women are born with this overwhelming desire to clean the house, chop onions and grate cheese.

Okay, I know there are great pleasures they said you'd derive from "serving" your husband or your children.  One word comes to mind though every time I hear this chauvinistic statement - ARCHAIC.  Seriously?!  I'd probably do these things because I see them as:

1. Things I have to do because nobody else will do them

2. Things I want to do because it'll please my husband

However, #2 is negotiable.  It depends on how pleased I am with the husband as well.  If he's being an ass, should I still try to please His Majesty?

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Generations of Garchitorena

This is Erbe's grandparents.
 His grandfather is 100% Spanish.

His father is 50% Spanish.

Erbe is 25% Spanish.

and his daughters are -

100% OLAVERE'S!!! 

:))

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Marriage: Do Not Sweat the Small Things - Yeah Right!

I’ve heard this so often that the next person who tells me to “not sweat the small things” will have his head ripped off his body. Forgive the gruesome picture. But trust me though when I say this, when it comes to marriage – it’s the little things that matter.

The Husband

Sure, my husband and I have gone through the toughest times. As I’ve often said, we’ve been through hell and back, but when it comes to his farts, his dirty feet on the bed and his shoes inside our bedroom – I lose it. I just see red and I explode. Every time, I’d smell his fart or see his dirty feet enjoying my clean sheets, I find myself wishing I could just strangle him.

In his defense, he has little flaws (people –including me – just generally like or love him) and unfortunately, in my opinion, his farts, dirty feet and shoes are his worst flaws. He is hard-working. He often does the laundry. He takes care of the baby at night. And he listens to me whenever I rant like this. Nope, he is not a slacker, but damn it, he can irritate the hell out of me!

I have this thing for clean sheets. I do not want to sleep without taking a bath. I do not even want to jump on the bed without cleaning up first. So, whenever I see his dirty feet on the bed, I see red.

I have this thing about clean floors – and I absolutely forbid slippers or shoes inside the bedroom, so whenever I see him wearing his shoes inside, I’d see a neon blinking sign that says, “I don’t care what you think! Your feelings are not important to me! Bwahahahaha!” And then I’d find myself doing the most stupid things.

One time, we had an argument, I turned the television’s volume up, the whole neighborhood could practically hear the show that was on. It was 12 in the morning. He pissed me off over something I cannot remember.

That's one stupid thing.  Lately, I have developed the habit of spraying air freshener on his butt every time he farts. Kill the source, I figure.

The thing is I’ve tried explaining to him in many different ways how I feel and how important these things are to me. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve thrown a fit over his farts. I don’t understand how he can’t understand this simple request, “If you feel like farting, get out of the room. I can’t stand the smell of your fart!” It’s simple, right? The same goes with this shoes and dirty feet.

I’ve tried crying, cajoling, nagging, bullying, explaining, requesting – but nothing has worked! He still farts inside the room. He still wears his shoes inside the room and he still sleeps on the bed with dirty feet - I must admit though that he rarely does these things now.

But still one day, if I were found dead, it’d be because his fart finally killed me. I swear!

 It’s the little things that really irritate the hell out of me. These things build up until like Mt. Vesuvius (where the hell is that?), I explode, leaving everything in my path dead. I’ve often heard people say to not sweat the small things. In marriage, however, it’s these things that really take their toll.

Choosing to stay married means choosing to forgive on a daily basis. In my case, to forgive – one fart at a time or one dirty feet or one dirty pair of shoes at a time. Oh, he has improved over the years. He makes an effort nowadays to make sure that he does not enter our room with dirty shoes. He cleans his feet before he jumps on bed. But the farts – oh, the farts. Their incurable.

I get lots of hugs and kisses though every time he farts. He knows how furious I’d get, so he’d rushed to my side and showers me with kisses and “I love you’s”. Of course, no matter how good those kisses feel, once the smell reaches my nostrils, I’d find myself exploding. Oh, well, we still have 50 years, so maybe, I’d be immune to the smell of his farts when I’m 70. Sigh. Or maybe I should invest in good BB guns. :))

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Happy V-day You Grumpy People You!

Daddy is far from being romantic  In fact, he is rarely thoughtful.  This is probably because he grew up with his grandparents who were not your touchy-feely type of people.  They literally live in a house precariously perched (exaggerated of course) on top of a mountain in Guinobatan, Albay.

Mamu and Daddikins

You see, my father's family was generally well-off back then - way before, my grandfather gave in to the lure of women, smoking, gambling and drinking.

When my father was born, however, this dull-witted fortune teller told his parents that he was unlucky - a jinx.  So, my grandparents gave him to my great grandparents from the time he was born until he was 14 years old.  He was dirt poor and he couldn't go to school often. Not surprisingly, he only learned to read when he was in High School.

Needless to say, my father has weird ideas about things.  He was rarely embraced or praised and he grew up to be the same.  He can't even say, "happy birthday" or "happy anniversary".   He's a kind man though.  He's an honorable man.  Still, he drives my mother nuts.

For instance, my mother's birthday and their anniversary come and go without my father bothering to greet her at all.  This pissed the hell out of Mama at first, but she grew tired of throwing fits. So, she does not expect anything from him anymore, especially on Valentine's Day.  It's sad really.  It does not mean, however, that they do not love each other to pieces because they do.  My mother is my father's soul mate, his love, his life.  Still, he drives my mother nuts - didn't I tell you that already?

Anyway, early this morning, Mommy asked, "Dy, anong aldaw ngunian?"
Daddy answered absentmindedly as he continued to solve the crossword puzzle, "Lunes."
Mommy prompted, "Iyo, pero anong date?"
Daddy answered, "katorse."
Mommy, undeterred, asked once again,"Anong bulan?"
Daddy, still refusing to look up from the puzzle, answered, "February."
Mommy asked, "Anong special sa aldaw na February 14?"
As if he was answering a knock-knock joke, my father asked, "Ano?"
Mommy walked out on him, muttering under her breath, "Gurang ka na talaga. Happy Valentines Day na lang daw saimo!"

After a few hours, she saw Erbe came in with roses for me. She was all giggly about it.

Girls, women... regardless of what they say about Valentines Day, they want something from you, men.  They want romance.  It doesn't matter how old they get - get them something! Do something nice for them! Trust me, they want romance. Period.

Anyway, Happy Valentines Day to you people. I don't care what you think about Valentine's Day. My husband gave me flowers - so, yeah, I am definitely liking this day.

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What Have I Been Up To? Let's See...Where Do I Start?

Mommy typically has problems with helpers. They just do not satisfy her. She'd initially be pleased with the efforts of a help, but fairly soon enough she'd find hundreds of reasons why she think she needs to let go of the help. To be truthful, sometimes, I think my mother needs a robot. So, sometimes, I worry about our present helper leaving us without notice.

Anyway, yesterday, our helper did not come to work. I was worried that she might be leaving us and I was wondering if she mentioned anything to Riley's yaya about her leaving.

So, I asked, "Beck, suya si Manay She ki Mommy?"


Beck, who did not understand my question, answered, "Iyo po."


I was taken aback. Oh, geeze, I thought. So, I continued, "Tano daa?"


Beck answered, "Dai daa po kaya nagtratrabaho."


Huh? That's weird, I thought. Does that mean she expects Mommy to work? So, I asked, "Anong dai nagtratrabaho?"


"Sige lang daa po kayang tukaw tukaw sa baba?" Beck answered quite matter-of-factly.


At this point, I was already irritated. How dare she, I thought. But driven by curiosity, I just had to ask, "nagtutukaw sa baba?"


"Iyo po daa, sige lang hugay."


Did I hear her right?


"Si Mama? Sigeng hugay?!?!"


Beck then looked at me, confused.


"Naghuhugay po si Mommy mo?"


"Sabi mo baga sigeng hugay si Mommy?"


"Ay dai man po baga? Si Manay Sheryl po baga naghuhugay ta makuto."


Okay, at this point, I was really, really confused.


"Bako po hinahapot mo sako kung anggot si Mommy mo ki Manay Sheryl?"


TOINKS!!!!


*sigh


Anyway, check this out -

This is the tree

that bore the fruit - 

that Erbe is munching on. :)

Nice, huh? |The children in our neighborhood though have started to "steal" the fruits, which pisses the hell out of Mommy.  You can hear her screaming at the top of her lungs in the morning for the past few weeks, "Hoy! Mga Lintek Kamo! Barababa kamo diyan! Paparaikit na naman nindo mga prutas ko, dai pa ngani ako kayan nakakakan!"  


Yep, she's Mrs. Fruit Scrooge. 


She reminds me of this old lady in Cabusao who used to run around with a bolo, threatening us when she sees us stealing fruits from her fruit trees - for the life of me, I don't know why her balimbing trees bore the sweetest, most delicious fruits in the whole barrio. 


Cha Doreng. 


May she rest in peace. 


What happened to her? Oh, she was murdered in her sleep.


Seriously! Murdered probably by one of those kids she deprived of those delicious fruits in her backyard. Kidding!  But she was really murdered. Someone broke into her house and stole all her money and stabbed her to death.  I was so freaking scared when I learned about it. 


I used to dream of her screaming at me for stealing indian mango from her fruit trees. The dreams stopped when I started praying for her soul and asking for her forgiveness for the fruits I stole. Seriously, I'm that weird.


Anyway, I told Mommy she reminds me of Cha Doreng every time she'd scream at the kids.  She also screams at people who would steal the fruits of her banana trees.  It's another matter, altogether though when she's dealing with adults. Mommy generally lose her balls.


Mommy has kang kong planted in front of our house.  Every week, she'd see this old lady, harvesting her kang kong.  She tried to ignore it until she couldn't take it anymore and she approached the old lady who was busily harvesting the plants.


She informed the woman, "sako baga yan." (Please take note this is a senior citizen addressing another senior citizen.)

The old lady frowned at her and asked, "Sigurado ka?"


Mommy answered, "iyo, ako daw kayan nagtanum? Tano mo tigkukurua?"


She was taken aback and left speechless when the old lady answered, "Ibebenta ko. Maimuton ka man. Idadagdag ko lang man sa pambakal ming bagas. Para lang kayan, maisipun ka!"


I was laughing my ass off at the old lady's sheer audacity when Mommy told me what happened.  She really didn't know what to say after the woman accused her of being selfish. She kept asking me what she should have said.


Paige though guards Mommy's plants like their the jewels of the Crown of England.  Speaking of Paige, it's very fortunate that she has had her MMR shots; othewise, she could have ended up with German Measles like her sister - :(

Dr. Setay said that Riley has German Measles, which aside from her medical opinion, just makes sense because Mommy's chicken boys had German Measles too several weeks ago.

Getting free consult from Dr. Settie

She's feeling a whole lot better though - the rashes have cleared but there are dark marks on her skin. :(

This is a quite long post. I think I should just end this now and eat my lunch - Erbe's Chao Fan (yep, he cooked it). :)

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Mamu

Mamu

Yesterday while eating lunch, Mamu asked me about what I'd do with the hectares of rice fields they own once she - they - pass away. I didn't want to talk about her passing away, so I covered my ears and like a child, I started making unintelligible sounds to drown out what she was saying.

I didn't want to talk about her dying. I like to believe that she'll be around for me to spoil when I can finally afford it. I want her to live for another 50 years - so that I'll have enough time to give back everything she gave me. The sacrifices she made for our family - they're immeasurable. 

I want her around because I simply cannot imagine my life without ever hearing her laugh again. It's as simple as that. I derive great pleasure out of making her laugh - and these days, that has seemingly became my role.  

My sister used to make her laugh too.  Kris certainly has a huge talent for making my mother laugh so hard that she'd be gasping for air.  It's easy to make my mother laugh because she loves laughing.  She's silly and funny - and that is why most people she meets fall in-love with her.

Mamu is not feeling well these days - and every time she complains about something hurt, I panic.  The past few years, my mother has become one of my best friends. We've graduated from having just a mere mother-daughter relationship to being friends as well.  If there is one person in my life that I'm not ready to lose, apart from my daughters - that'd be Mamu.  I don't think I'll ever be ready to lose her.

Right now, I can't afford her to give her heart's desires, so I'll just have to settle with making sure that I'll be able to make her laugh a lot more each day.

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Morbid Threats

Paige is a sassy, silly, funny little girl, but she can be a pain in the ass too. My father calls her "Paige the Menace".

I toyed with the idea of downloading Dennis the Menace for her, but I changed my mind - she might end up burning the whole neighborhood.

I once blogged about the possibility of her having ADHD. Sussette assured me though that she did not see any reason why I should think Paige has it. Although my worry has abated, I still find myself wondering if I should get Paige checked for the condition.

Anyway, I think Paige's problem is not ADHD - it's actually the utter and complete lack of discipline. No, scratch that, we I discipline her, but it's hard after years of being spoiled by her grandmother.

Anyway, I digress. Yesterday evening, my mother was watching TV while Paige stood in front of the mirror busily removing her boogers. :)

After a few minutes, she casually went to my mother and wiped her fingers on my mother's cheek. And she started laughing.

Busily watching her soap operas, my mother didn't know that she had boogers on her cheeks until I pointed them out to her.

Naturally, Mamu got mad and she started lecturing Paige. "Bad yan baby! Sabi ko baga saimo, maaanggot ang angel mo. Mauugma ang devil. Sige ka kukuanun ka kang devil, ano Tere?"

Turning to me, she said, "Ne, yan na ngunian ang patakot ko saiya."

She once again addressed Paige, "Tapos magagadan ka, ano Tere?" Magagadan? I thought. She continued, "Tapos ilulubong ka... tapos maruluwas ang mga bulate sa dungo mo... "

Bulate sa dungo? I thought.

"...maruluwas pati halas sa mata mo, ano Tere?"

Aghast, I just stood there silent. I couldn't believe what she was saying. Then she asked again, "Ano, Tere?"

I gave out a big sigh and then promptly turned away, muttering, "Morbidun man po Mommy pigpaparasabi mo." I could hear my mother's laughter while I walked away.

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Eat Your Vegetables!

Once a mother always a mother... You'll always worry about your children - yes, even when your child is 30 years old and has two kids of her own. You will never fail to hand over whatever it is you're eating (and still wanting to eat) if you're child asks for it. And you will always nag your child about eating right - and eating vegetables.

I generally don't like eating vegetables. No, scratch that. I like vegetables except okra. I generally deplore Okra. I think it's a sick vegetable. It has mucus for god's sake! Who would like to eat a vegetable with mucus in it. And it has hairs. It's generally an icky veggie. I will not force it on anyone especially my children. If one day, Paige tells me she hates it, I'd nod my head and say, "Yes, I understand my child it's an icky vegetable with hair and mucus. Who would want to eat that?"

And then there's this other vegetable. They call it the parapagulong. I probably don't have the name right, but it's name ends with gulong - so, that's that.

Anyway, while eating our lunch earlier, I was feeding Paige while talking to Mamu who was sitting across the table from me eating her lunch as well. We had tinola for lunch. And I was making Paige eat her papaya. The tinola had the papaya and parapagulong mixed in it.

I was convincing Paige to eat the papaya, telling her she'd be prettier if she eats it. All the while, Mamu was nagging me to eat the parapagulong, "Ay ta magkakan ka baya nene kaini... Mamaray ang udo mo." (I think she has given up on me growing prettier if I eat my veggies, so it's basically about my bowels from here on. ☺)

Anyway while I was force-feeding Paige with Papaya, Mamu was dropping every piece of parapagulong on my plate. While Paige was complaining about the papaya, my face was all scrunched up, irritated with all the parapagulong on my plate, "Tama na ini Mama ha? Ini na lang.. ini na lang! Dai mo na po dagdagan!"

It was only then that I realized what was happening. Two generations of Mothers. It never changes. It's always about making your child eat her vegetables. I pointed it out to Mamu and we had a good laugh over it. ♥

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Sick But Funny Paige

My daughter may be sick but she certainly knows how to laugh. She is a funny little kid. She can certainly make me laugh.

We have both been stuck inside our room. She is with fever and I am suffering from symphysis pubis dysfunction. I am suffering, I swear. Every movement makes me want to weep. Every movement hurts. I feel a little bit better though after a few hours of sleep, but I still can't easily move. I walk like 110-year-old virgin woman. It takes forever to reach the bathroom which is normally about 5 steps away from our room. Now, it takes me several minutes to reach it.

Earlier, I was crying...again when suddenly Paige approached me and said, "Mama, hilingun mo udo ko."

Huh?

And I started laughing when I saw her drawing -

She started doodling again and then she said, "Mama, hilingun mo atot ko"

After enjoying my laughter, she left again and started drawing again. Finally, she presented the last of her "funny but disgusting" series.

"Mama, hilingun mo wiwi ko."

Curiously, except for the butt, the images are different. :)

Here's a video of her being her usual makulit self.

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Dirty Vagina

You experience all sorts of crazy, embarrassing and funny things when you are pregnant.

A couple of weeks ago, Mommy's helper, Alma (remind me to post her picture here one day), was suffering from stomach pains. This prompted a medical check-up and a urinalysis test. The test revealed that she had bacterial vaginosis and yeast infection.

Since she is also practically living with Mommy's "chicken grill boy" Boboy (remember him?) and enjoys nightly sex marathons, Mommy decided that she should get tested for pregnancy too.

I volunteered to buy the home pregnancy kit test since I was going out that day.

Mommy noticed that the patient's name section on the prescriptions, however, for the BV and yeast infection was left blank, so Mommy decided to put her name on the prescriptions and pass them off as hers.

She was gleeful about this. She was happy about the 20 percent discount she'd get for Alma's meds, but this didn't last long. She promptly changed her mood when I said, "Mama, ang iisipun po kang babakalan mo, maatiun ang buday mo."

That gave her a pause.

"Tapos iisipun ninda senior citizen ka na po tapos promiscuous ka pa giraray. Sabi kaya Mommy, women of multiple sexual partners get BV."

Mommy started frowning.

"Saka Mommy, they'd wonder how you can still get these vaginal diseases, dai ka naman childbearing age. They'd think nagreregla ka pa ma o dai ka nagpupupo!"

You can very well imagine my mother's reaction. Unfortunately, this prompted her to ask me to buy the medicines instead. She, however, was insistent on the 20% discount, so she gave me an authorization letter. You don't say no to your mother. That's the number one rule.

Later that evening, I was buying the medications. It was fine at first since I had the letter and senior citizen card and all. Until, I remembered I had to buy the Home Pregnancy Kit Test as well. Since, I already gave the prescriptions to the lady behind the counter, I had to practically shout for my additional purchase, "Ah, miss! Home Pregnancy Kit Test pa palan"

Everybody turned and looked at my bulging stomach. And I mean, BULGING stomach. It was only then that I realized what they must be thinking -

I gave out a laugh and joked, "Dai pa kaya ako sure."

:)

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Laura’s Big Mistake

It was time to pick up Paige from school.

Erbe was asleep and I had no choice but to ask Laura to pick up Paige. Don't ask me why I didn't want to do it myself – or why I choose not to. I blame everything on pregnancy. Yes, even before I was pregnant.

Anyway, I went downstairs and looked for her. Alma, Mommy's other eager help, was not around. She was busy visiting the quack doctor for her bleeding that just wouldn't stop. The theory is that the spirits are sucking the blood out from her vagina. Again, don't ask me why these bleeding spirits chose a really disgusting method of making Alma suffer for whatever imagined offense she may have committed against the spirit clan.

Anyway, Laura was busy marinating chickens. (Luna, that's the parents' business. They run a couple or so chicken grills located around the city – thus, the need for boys, girls and gays.)

Anyway, Laura, as I have mentioned before is about 80 – 90% deaf. However, I refuse to shout when talking to her. In my way of thinking, I am insulting her if I do so. I thought I'd be very insulted if I were in her position and I'd see people literally screaming at me when they talk - their veins outlined against their neck. I'd likely smack them. I imagined that she could very well understand me regardless of how I speak to her. Boy, was I wrong! So, there I was carefully instructing her to pick up Paige from school. She was nodding and blinking and nodding and blinking. She put down the chickens and readied herself.

"Okay," I thought, "she understood me. That's the way to do it. I didn't even have to shout." I was pleased with myself and my "talking" skills.

I followed her outside the house and watched her walk away – walk away towards the entirely wrong direction.

At first, I frowned and then when she continued to walk, I thought, "oh boy, oh boy! Where the hell is she going?" (Yes, I do tend to think in English. :))

Daddy's farmer, who was standing beside me on the porch, started talking. He irritates the hell out of me. He just wouldn't shut up and he can talk and talk and talk… He butts in on conversations and he dishes out advices like he's Owl of the Hundred Acre Woods.

I ignored him. I could hear him saying, "Bungog baga kaya yan ne. Garo baga may raot yan sa payo."

Fucking homophobic.

Anyway, I couldn't follow Laura outside the house, so I decided to just let go wherever she thinks she's supposed to go and I rushed upstairs to wake Erbe up.

While, I was trying to explain to Erbe that Laura was seemingly walking towards Gainza, she knocked.

As per habit, she doesn't wait for you to say anything, her head would just pop up and it did. She gingerly held up two eggs and asked, "Ano gibuhon to ta tugok?"

Erbe and I looked at each other and started laughing and laughing and laughing.

Anyway, to make the story short, Erbe ended up picking up his daughter from school. I've also learned to speak to Laura loudly – and I mean, LOUDLY. Lady, that I am though, I refused to shout. Don't argue with the lady part.

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Happy Birthday Cori

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Santo Beatico

We went to Cabusao for the Santo Beautico last Saturday. It has been a while since I actually went home and stayed overnight. I even brought Tinay with me because we had to meet up with Che and Nette the next day for a little outing. 

Aside from hanging out with Tinapay, the day went horribly wrong. Some of my relatives behave abominably and I was irritated with a couple of cousins. In fact, "irritated" is a tame word for how I felt. I felt murderous. We slept on the floor which sucked. We could have avoided it if Erbe agreed to bring our own bed. I wanted to. No, not the whole thing, just the cushion. And to top it all, Paige got really, really sick. In fact, she was sick for 3 days. Her fever just broke today. 

Anyway, I had fun chatting with Tinay. She was such a trooper. I love her.  She made the whole experience.. well, fun. :)  We giggled over the old biddies shouting at each other at the top of their lungs, "Iyo baga! Dai mo ako bistado??! Ako baga si aki ni Domingong Septimo!" We marveled at seeing a hundred year old lady who could shout as loudly as the rest of the old biddies.  We giggled over my 3 year-old niece who had her hair dyed a mahogany red color.  In fact, we were envious of the highlights.  And she helped me out preparing the sandwiches.

Anyway, here are some of the photos I took from our time there.

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