A Letter to My Heartbroken Friend

Let me start by saying I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you the other day.  You have been putting up such a good front that I tend to forget the truth sometimes. I thought of forwarding another quotation, something that could provide you a little comfort, but I thought, what the hell, I should just write you a letter, something that you can read when you need a little love…a little comfort.

Love sucks. Let just get that out of the way because right now, that’s the truth. Raw love can blindside you and it’s not so easy to turn off.  The raw heartache can be debilitating. I know that.  This is why you continue to amaze me. You haven’t resorted to eating Pringles and crying your way through the Notebook and other sappy movies. And except for those “5-second heartache” you probably experience throughout the day, you’ve managed to put on a huge smile and live life and damn anyone who thinks you’re miserable.  If you haven’t been painfully honest with me, you could have fooled me as well.

You probably hate the question, “Are you okay?”  It forces you to acknowledge the truth to yourself and lie through your teeth. I want you to know, you won’t have to lie to me. I know you’re not okay – and it’s okay. I don’t really care that you think your tears are irrational and that your pain nonsensical.  They’re valid. They’re yours. They matter.

I know how much it hurts.  I remember how it’s like to get your heart broken. I remember how rejection feels like. I remember how it’s like to feel like you’ve lost your heart..like it had been ripped away by the same person who wanted no part of it. I understand, so I wouldn’t care if it takes you forever to find your peace. I don’t care if you are sad or lost. I will stay up and talk to you until 4 AM…Hell, I’ll stay up with you the whole night if you want me to! The thing is, I’m here for you. No matter what. Please don’t ever think otherwise.

For now, I will tell you he doesn’t deserve you – because he truly doesn’t.  He’s an idiot for not seeing you.  I will tell you everything will be okay.  A year from now, two, three…we will laugh about this.  And you will forget.  You will forget everything that is causing you so much pain now. Or maybe you won’t.  It wouldn’t matter because you would love again and you would be incredibly happy. I know that because in my heart I know you deserve that.  You deserve love and happiness.  You’ll have those two beautiful girls. Someday, you will.

I love you. I’m sorry you’re in pain. You’ll find peace in time. The hurt would stop eventually. So, take your time. It’s okay.

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Banned from Mexicali

We actually just wanted to have an early dinner and maybe coffee - and actually, that was what we had. We had an early dinner at Biggs, then we transferred to Avenue Square for coffee and cake and then we transferred to Mexicali for nachos, beer and french fries. Yes, we ate a lot

Tinay and I had a blast while Tin sat there and pondered over her life - or her love life to be specific. I think we're banned from Mexicali for life. 

First, we got them to give us a free plate of nachos. A bug fell on this plate of nachos we ordered - and practically finished eating - so we were able to get a free plate! Tin made a mess on one of the tables. Tinay bothered the crew with her Batibot Theme Song cover and I made an ass of myself singing "Cool Change" with the acoustic duo. We were embarrassing, but boy, we had fun! And we weren't even drunk.

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Off My Bucket List

Sing with a Band in a Bar? Done.  Of course, the band was composed of only 2 people, so it's not really a band. And my audience was mostly outside the restaurant. And it wasn't a bar - it was a Mexican restaurant. But yeah, I did it, so there. Off the bucket list. 

 
Tinay and Tin were posers!  Did you read that Tinapay?  You should have sung!  Oh, I forgot you did! :))

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A Jolly Good Fellow

 

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Single and Fabulous!

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Bullshit and Blessings

Nice title, huh?

I am having a good morning as opposed to the kind of morning I had yesterday. Yesterday was crappy.  I guess my good morning is partly because of the rain. I love the rain and I think I have blogged about how much I love the rain that I should just create a category for it or change my blog title to "Have I Told You How Much I Love the Rain Because I Love the Rain. Oh Yes, I Do! Yes, I Do! So, Have I Told You How Much I Love the Rain?"  Yes, that long.

Well, anyway, my good mood is partly because of the rain and my salary raise. :)

Well, that's basically it.  That covers the "Blessings" part in the title of this post.  Now, let's go to the Bullshit part.

You see, I have this little issue that I can't seem to recover from.  You know how we talk about people behind their backs? I mean, you know, we gossip about them. C'mon, don't tell me you haven't done this?! Who are you freaking Mother Teresa?! The Pope?!

Anyway, we've all done this. We do this to family, to friends, to colleagues, to strangers.  We do this with or without malice.  We stab them behind their backs or we deluge them with praises. It doesn't matter.  We, by nature, talk about other people.  And accordingly, people talk about us.  That's just how it is. It's the brutal nature of society.  I guess, we've all accepted that.  What is hard to deal with, however, is learning what people think of us or what they say about us when our backs are turned.  It is even harder when these are the people we consider our friends, best friends even.

Yesterday, a friend of mine sent me a text message she was supposed to send to someone else.  The message was about me.  She was not planning to assassinate me.  She was not assailing my character to little pieces.  In fact, there was some truth to what she was saying, but it was how she said it that hurt me - a lot. It was the words she chose to use.  It came as a shock.  It reeked of cowardice.  I realized I am not as mad as much as I am hurt.  She could have just told me right?

The thing is I don't mince words. I tell people what I think when I feel I have to. In a way, I think it's my way of making up for saying things behind their back (because yes, I do that, sue me.) Because of this, I feel that people should be honest about their feelings too. Anyway, in this case, she sent the bomb and it went off. Did she apologize?  Yes, she did.  She said that she was "sowee."

So, there goes the bullshit. 

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Three Two

The first time I took notice of her, I was sitting behind her in class.  She was #1 in class - and sometimes #2.  I was often #3 in class, next to her and Lala.  She's a scary loser though.  Well, she used to be.  One time, she ranked 2nd next to Marla, she got mad and she broke Lala's pencil in half.  We were in first grade.

My next memory of her was in 2nd grade.  It was recess and we were playing Chinese Garter.  She was just about to make a jump when her cousin (our classmate) pulled the garter and she fell on her face.  Her front tooth fell off.   I had to wait for her while she gargled and spit out the blood from her mouth.  We were late for our First Communion practice.

From then on, she became a part of my life.  We have seen each other through a lot of things for 24 years.  There are a lot of great memories and a lot of painful ones.  I have seen her grow from a child to the strong woman she is now.  Although, I've always loved her, I have also learned to respect her.  I think she is one of the person in my life that I hold in the highest regard.  She is often stubborn, but she's the kind of person who would always, always do the right thing.

You can never make her cheat or lie.  She has her beliefs and she stands by them.  She values friendship and she values family.  After everything that has happened to her, I have never been so proud of her for being the strong, principled woman that she is.  While I lose respect for some people, I only have the greatest respect for her.  Oh, there were times when she pissed me off.  There were times when I wanted to scream at her.  She's great at pissing me off actually. It's hard to quarrel with her though because she's great at ignoring me until I get tired of being mad. I love her for being like that and for the hundred little things that make her who and what she is - a woman who knows her mind.

We're back to square one, Tin. But let's not give up on lighting candles...like you used to do.  You know what I mean.  I love you to bits.  Go and be fabulous.  Happy Birthday.

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The Train

A, 

I hear the train. 

As usual, I am reminded of you - and I smile.

Me

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Happy Birthday Bessieboo!

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01.26.11

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Pregnancy Complaints – READ at YOUR OWN PERIL

Just vomited my guts out – yes, that is exactly how I want this post to start.

Vomiting.

It should have ended 5 months ago, but no, no, no. This daughter of mine decided that she likes the idea of her mother vomiting her guts out at 3:44 in the morning. It doesn't matter that I am 8 months pregnant. So, there I was huddling the toilet bowl (like people do in the movies) and retching. At some point, I thought, "Oh, that's my dinner (as I stare at the meat and vegetable concoction floating)! It has been hours! Why isn't it digested yet?!"

This is getting harder by the day. My scoliosis is acting up. The huge stomach weight is taking a huge toll on my poor back.

It's Khristine's fault. I blame her for my condition. No, she didn't get me impregnated – Erbe did.

What she did, however, was cursed me with this scoliosis.

You see, for four years – all throughout High School, we would walk from St. Joseph School all the way to Arana (where my house used to be). And all those years, I would carry her effing bag for her. This is not just any bag, mind you. Any Josephian worth his or her salt knows how heavy a Josephian bag can be. She told me she had scoliosis and that her back hurt, so if I wouldn't mind too much, "Can you please carry my bag for me?" I was such an idiot. A big sucker. I did! I carried her bag for her – and it's only now that I discovered she did not have back problems. She was just too lazy to carry her bag! And now, I have the effing scoliosis. Yeah, great.

Friendship sucks sometimes.

And she's not even apologetic for that. She'd usually laugh her ass off every time I'd remind her. She's the bane of my existence, that woman.

Anyway, I digress – and because I have I'd just better get back to work.

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Hmmm... Pwede! :)

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11 Year Old Girls No More

I met Che and Nette when I was 11 years old.

Che had a huge fight with this boy in our class and she was made to sit next to me. Huffing and with her nose bright red from crying, she plopped down next to me.

I didn't know how we became friends, but we did.

That was 19 years ago.

Her nose still turns huge bright red every time she cries.

Nette and I, on the other hand, became friends by sheer circumstance. In truth, we had no choice but to become friends. We were part of the same group of girls who got together to – well, for the lack of better description – to form a group. She was there and I was there – and the next thing I know, she became part of 19 years of my existence.

These two girls – women, rather – are amazingly different.

If Cheryl is into girly stuffs, Nette likes to keep it simple. She can be boyish, but she has her womanly ways as well.

One time, we all decided to watch a movie. Cheryl wanted to watch Madrasta – and yes, being a Sharon Cuneta fan that I am, I went with her. Cheryl wouldn't stop crying throughout the whole thing. Was Nette with us? Definitely not! She scoffed at the idea of watching a tearjerker that she considered "corny for words" and decided to watch an action-packed movie instead.

Che can cry at the drop of a hat. Nette, on the other hand, needs to be angry in order to cry. I've never seen her cry because she was hurt or in pain. I've only seen her cry when she's mad and I mean, really, really mad.

Tonight, I met up with them to buy shirts for our friend. We had fun checking out shirts while we gossip our way through SM Department store, Folded & Hung and Bench.

We had fun going through baby stuffs. While Che and I checked out milk pumps (insert an image of me rolling my eyes), Nette was busy buying everything for Lex, her baby girl.

I love eating out with them. They have really voracious appetite and you wouldn't feel bad about eating a whole plate of rice and getting an "extra rice" because they eat just as much. And boy, do we love to gossip!

We live different lives.

We are moms now.

We have husbands – well, two of us.

We have bills to pay and kids to think of.

But at the end of the day, we are still ourselves – the 11 year old kids who were forced by circumstance to become friends.

And I am blessed to have these wonderful women in my life.

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I Feel Good!

Back in College, my friends and I used to sing this song a lot - it was our feel-good song. And hearing this tonight made me remember how fun it was to be giggling about boys and professors with lipstick on their teeth. :)



Wo! I feel good, I knew that I wouldn't of
I feel good, I knew that I wouldn't of
So good, so good, I got you

Wo! I feel nice, like sugar and spice
I feel nice, like sugar and spice
So nice, so nice, I got you

When I hold you in my arms
I know that I can do no wrong
and when I hold you in my arms
My love won't do you no harm

[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/7nH ]
and I feel nice, like sugar and spice
I feel nice, like sugar and spice
So nice, so nice, I got you

When I hold you in my arms
I know that I can't do no wrong
and when I hold you in my arms
My love can't do me no harm

and I feel nice, like sugar and spice
I feel nice, like sugar and spice
So nice, so nice, well I got you

Wo! I feel good, I knew that I wouldn't of
I feel good, I knew that I would
So good, so good, 'cause I got you
So good, so good, 'cause I got you
So good, so good, 'cause I got you

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Santo Beatico

We went to Cabusao for the Santo Beautico last Saturday. It has been a while since I actually went home and stayed overnight. I even brought Tinay with me because we had to meet up with Che and Nette the next day for a little outing. 

Aside from hanging out with Tinapay, the day went horribly wrong. Some of my relatives behave abominably and I was irritated with a couple of cousins. In fact, "irritated" is a tame word for how I felt. I felt murderous. We slept on the floor which sucked. We could have avoided it if Erbe agreed to bring our own bed. I wanted to. No, not the whole thing, just the cushion. And to top it all, Paige got really, really sick. In fact, she was sick for 3 days. Her fever just broke today. 

Anyway, I had fun chatting with Tinay. She was such a trooper. I love her.  She made the whole experience.. well, fun. :)  We giggled over the old biddies shouting at each other at the top of their lungs, "Iyo baga! Dai mo ako bistado??! Ako baga si aki ni Domingong Septimo!" We marveled at seeing a hundred year old lady who could shout as loudly as the rest of the old biddies.  We giggled over my 3 year-old niece who had her hair dyed a mahogany red color.  In fact, we were envious of the highlights.  And she helped me out preparing the sandwiches.

Anyway, here are some of the photos I took from our time there.

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A Letter to a Friend

The city was scheduled for a rotating brownout yesterday and I had nothing to do, so I decided to go through old letters and diaries. It was fun - as usual. It was a walk down memory lane - as usual. I found myself giggling over some stuffs. I found myself aghast at times. There were names that were written in codes and I can't remember them anymore. Anyways, I came across this letter that I wrote which apparently I never gave. I don't know why I didn't, but I didn't.  Anyway, I'd like to share a portion of it.

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Billabong

What can I say? I love it? Erbe is dishing out snide remarks, but I 'm turning deaf ears.

Earlier, he was carrying the plastic bag with my new slippers inside. We were going around downtown buying stuffs, a grocery here, food items there. And I'd keep saying, "Laag mo na lang sa laug kang plastic na hali sa Jakarta, Indonesia" (I'm not sure though if it is). Anyway, he'd answer with a loud, "harumph!"

This happened several times until he finally said, "Ma-abroad man daw ako, tapos papasalubungan takang pahingurag na plastic. Hali man abroad!" I couldn't help but laugh at his obvious jealous remark. Anyway, he's fine with it, not completely, but he's not throwing them out anytime soon.

Anyway, thank you and Tinay, you really have to do a post for your pasalubong too.

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Dear Tinapay

I just realized it has been six years now.
Thanks for being my friend.
You are one of the good things that came out of working in that blasted company. :)

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Just Another Long Rambling

I haven't been blogging... Aside from being incredibly busy with a lot of work, I have completely lost my blogging mojo. I guess this started when I took a break from blogging. Now, I am losing interest altogether.

Come to think of it, I have a lot of things to say. I guess I should try writing now. Whatever comes out of these ramblings -

Thoughts....

• Somebody called me up, offering me an office-based job. The job is perfect for me because it involves writing and law. Unfortunately, it will require me to work in Manila and that's not something I can do right now. It'll ruin all our long-term plans. A part of me though wonders if I should just go ahead and accept the position. Like you, Tinay, the idea seems repulsive. This work-at-home job has ruined office-based jobs for me. Nothing beats being able to watch TV and sleep anytime you feel like doing so.
  
  
• I have a lousy temper these days. Poor Erbe is suffering. He has been complaining that I can't seem to go to sleep without quarreling with him first. *sigh. In truth, everything just irritates the hell out of me these days. Oh well, it must be THAT time of the month.
  
  
• A fire broke out downtown a while ago. We had been having problems with power connection since then. There was a huge blaze that we could see all the way here. What I thought were clouds were actually smoke. Mamu wanted to actually walk all the way to Centro just so we can see the fire up close. She was very, very insistent as you can see - erm, I mean hear from this video. The light flickering from the distance is actually the supermarket on fire.
  
  
  
  
• Got these pictures from Settie during our reunion. These photos made me smile, but they made me sad as well. God, we were so young and the world was still ours to conquer. Guillen was still our friend at that time. I think the last two photos though were taken during our senior year in College. We look a bit grownup. I look like I have just went through a major breakup. :) I think we had these pictures taken when we went to have our yearbook photo taken as well.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• I love this video of Paige. It's her imitation of me. Little mini-me. :)
  

There. I blogged. Check!

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01.03.10 - The Reunion After Several Years

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