Why You're Not Married

 I came across this article in Huffington Post by Tracy McMillan entitled Why You're Not Married.  The article is harsh, but I agree on some of the points she raised there. 

I know a lot of people who are not married.  And yes, they want to get married.  They want to settle down and have kids.  I would hardly call them shallow or selfish - and I definitely cannot call them sluts!

Growing up in a family or a Christian society that gives a lot of value to marriage, I can understand why people generally assume that marriage is a inevitable part of their future.  Unfortunately, this is not always the case especially for women.  Women dream of having their own Jerry Maguire, but it is easier to grab or download a copy of this movie than to find someone who would utter these three words, "You complete me".

After watching my friends, one after another, throw in the towel on the chance of ever finding Mr. Right, I found McMillan's article irritating and sad. For god's sake, she may be an expert on getting married, but she's not really great at making her marriage work, right? She has been married three times!  Still, I agree on some of the points she raised.

A friend once told me that she "makes a list of what she wants from her husband and she prays over this."  When she met her husband, she said that her prayer worked - or so, she thought. He turned out to be a nasty two-timing schmuck.  So, yes, praying for your ideal husband does not mean that you'd actually get it.  I've probably ruffled some Christian feathers with that statement.

McMillan's article is harsh, but she did raise some interesting points.

You're a Bitch

If you're a bitch, you really should reconsider buying a new personality.  When I was in 5th grade, the next door neighbour told me that I was a horrid.  Truth be told, I was not.  I just did not like him, but I didn't like being NOT liked.  So, I told myself that I'd be nicer to him, sweeter even and I set out to do just that.  And he ended up liking me.  Moral of the Story:  You do not have to actually be nice - you can just pretend to be nice to get someone to fall in-love with you.   It's easier to attract people if you're nice.  Who likes a grouch anyway?

You Have Fixations

I agree that some women fail to find Mr. Right because they're shallow.  This does not apply to every unmarried woman though.  There are some women who are not married because they have certain fixations.  It does not matter what these fixations are.

I think there are some women who just can't over old boyfriends and old relationships and these old relationships/boyfriends become their fixations.

There are women who just can't over people from their pasts.  They cling to this and they compare everyone else who comes along to the people they hold dear.  They give out the "I'm-not-really-available" vibe.  In the end, they fail to see possibilities.

You are a Liar and a Masochist

I also agree with McMillan that some women are not married because they are LIARS.  They lie to themselves and they lie to the people they're with.  They tell themselves they are happy when they are not.  They force themselves to be contented with situations that are obviously not working.  They refuse to see the truth for what it is - that the relationship they are in is not working. 

Fairly soon enough, they'd realized that

they've wasted time on something that they should not have bothered with in the first place.  Instead of giving themselves the opportunity to have a healthy relationship, they insist on staying on in a relationship that is doomed to fail, leaving them alone once again.  It's a cruel repetitive process for some women.

You're Full of Yourself OR You're Miserably Insecure

Finally, I think some women are not married because they think they are not good enough or the people they meet are not good enough.  If you think you are not good enough, then perhaps, you should not be thinking of marriage in the first place.  You need to learn to love and appreciate yourself first before you should even consider entering into any healthy relationship.  A person who does not appreciate herself is usually clingy, demanding, stifling and exhausting.

On the other hand, if you think you are better than most people you meet, then maybe you should consider popping up your self-inflated ego first.  A woman who thinks highly of herself often finds it hard to afford respect to her 

partner.

Marriage is not something that just happens because you think it should happen.  Love should happen first - and for that to happen, you need to be open to it.  You need to be honest with yourself.  You need to let the universe know that you want it.  You need to make bargains and concessions.  Unless you do that, I doubt it if love will happen.  I doubt it if marriage will happen.