Finally, I Write

It’s the 9th day. He has been in the hospital for 9 days now – and still, he’s not getting better. Hematuria is gone. That’s one good thing at least, but the fever, it comes and goes. For a few hours or so, we’d be hopeful that he won’t have a fever again and we’d be able to go home and then the chills will start and his temperature will start climbing.

We’ve been through several doctors now. Completed all kinds of laboratory exams, some repeated several times.  It’s driving me insane. It’s driving my sister insane. She has been jumping from one possibility to another, one conclusion to another. We have been crying – and my mom won’t leave his side. She doesn’t want to. And we’re worried about her because she, too, has her own set of medical complaints.

I am going insane.

I have my own set of issues.  I am bogged down by other concerns. I so need a break. I am losing it. I am experiencing bouts of crying and I only get reprieve from watching sitcoms one after another – and when I’ve exhausted them all, I find myself crying over a bowl of noodles.  God, I need a break.

I pray he’d get better soon. No, not soon. Right now. Please Lord, make him better now.

I hope to feel better soon. I hope to forget. I hope the heaviness in my chest will go away and the pain in my stomach will abate soon. I don’t want this. I don’t like this. I hate this.

Life sucks right now. It really does.