I Need to Blog Coz Life Sucks

Erbe found him lying on the floor because he was so weak, he collapsed on the floor. He didnt have the strength to get up or cry for help. 

I've been wondering why I feel so sad. I've gotten so used to worrying that it has become a part of me. And then it hit me, I started hoping he'd get better when I saw him up and about the last few days. I really thought he'd get better and then the fever appeared again. And then Erbe saw him lying there this morning. And here I am a mess again. I can't even study. I hate this.

We've been told to just accept the inevitable. Fuck that. 

Someone told me to shower him with I love you's. I dont want to do that. It's like I'm conceding and letting go. Fuck that.