The Life of an Oregano Addict

God, I'm so tired. I am not cut out for this. I've realized that I do not EVER want to be a businesswoman.  Erbe revels on this however, but I hate it. I HATE IT. I hate waking up early and I hate sleeping late. I hate dealing with people and worrying, constantly worrying. The thing is Erbe loves this, but I end up with the ugly tasks, mostly scolding people. I don't know how many times I've scolded people the past few days. People have come to hate me.  When I used to be "Tere", now I'm "Ma'am".  See? That's how bad it is!  They do not smile at me anymore. They try to avoid me. God.

Meanwhile, they like Erbe. My husband hates confrontation.  He is generally one of the kindest souls in the planet.  He doesn't speak ill of people. He likes to find the best in people.  So, he hates confrontation and he hates scolding people and because I'm quite good at being the ultimate bitch, I do the dirty job. I hate it.

I wish Daddy will just get better soon. I am so fucking worried. I cried at the drop of a hat. I am so stressed out I've taken a bath three times today because bathing makes me feel good. I really need a break.

Sometimes, bad things happen to people you love.  Often you'd find yourself pretending that it's not really "that bad" or that the monster will just go away.  Sometimes, you end up with a really stubborn one that refuses to let go.

And then, for a single second, it happens.  You find yourself staring at the same truth that you've been trying to ignore.

I'm staring at that now.

My daddy is sick.  He's not perfect, but he's my father. He has his eccentricities, but he taught me one thing � faith, absolute faith in God.

And it's that same faith that I'm holding on to right now. I'm worried. I'm really worried. He has been sick for months now.  He told me, however, that God will heal him.  He does not doubt that at all.

So, I should do the same. But I'm still worried because sometimes, God has other plans.  Sometimes, God sees things differently.

So, I'll stay right here, staring at my monster, hoping it won't open its mouth and eat me alive.

I feel sad. I don't know why but I do. Here I am, idly tapping on the keyboards. I still can't use my left hand properly. The damn cut still hurts, so I still have to rely heavily on my right hand.

I really do not know what to say. I just want to write and let my thoughts run. It does not matter where they end. I have been feeling sad since my parents decided to seek treatment for Daddy in Manila. He has been sick for four months now and the doctors here do not know what to do with him.

We have been to three doctors and none of them have been able to provide him with the right treatment plan. It is depressing. We have decided that the best course of action is to just throw the third finger at the doctors here and just go to Manila. I cannot accompany them however. My mother actually wants me to go with Daddy, but he wants her to go with him.

I wish he would just get better. It is so sad to see him like this, sick all the time. And it's his birthday today. :(