Melancholic Thoughts

I love writing. I love it when the juices start flowing in and my fingers start on pounding keys after keys and the words will just appear magically like they have always been there in the first place. And the page was never blank to begin with.

Blogging, however, gives a temporary high. It does not allow me to be as honest as I want to be. I cannot deny, however, that it is a powerful too that - I must admit - I have used so many times in the past. I have hurt people with it and for that, I am… not sorry. I still am not.

One of these days, I am going to buy a journal and start writing again – write down my thoughts without fear of repercussion.

Forgive me, I have been melancholic these past few days. I think it’s the hormones. After all, raging hormones are controlling me these days. I have been missing a lot of people especially my college best friends.

I am blessed with friends. They are unique and wonderful people. I have lost a few along the way – some deliberately, others by time and distance. And as much as I love every one of them, Settie and Tin are truly special to me. You see, they give more than they take from me.  (I must admit Tinapay though you kinda fall in that category too ☺)

I have people who think that they are my friends but they are not mine.

I remember being driven around town at 2 o’clock in the morning by this girl who was earnestly stalking her ex at that time. She regards me as her friend, but I have never thought of her the same. Why? Because she is not the kind of person I would feel comfortable enough to call at 3 o’clock in the morning if I find myself in trouble and know that she would come without questions asked.

I know so much about her, but she doesn’t know a thing about me. She has never cared enough to ask. Unfortunately, I have met a lot of people like that in my life.

Sometimes, I wonder if there are some people who we merely hang to because of history. I also wonder if it is better if we just let some people stay where they should be – in the past. They say that there are people who are meant to be permanent fixtures in our lives and there are some who are meant only to make an appearance.  Of course, there are some people who are meant to stay in the past but because they are so much a part of us, they seem to be a part of the present too.  These are our ghosts and I think all of us suffer the same.