Dirty Vagina

You experience all sorts of crazy, embarrassing and funny things when you are pregnant.

A couple of weeks ago, Mommy's helper, Alma (remind me to post her picture here one day), was suffering from stomach pains. This prompted a medical check-up and a urinalysis test. The test revealed that she had bacterial vaginosis and yeast infection.

Since she is also practically living with Mommy's "chicken grill boy" Boboy (remember him?) and enjoys nightly sex marathons, Mommy decided that she should get tested for pregnancy too.

I volunteered to buy the home pregnancy kit test since I was going out that day.

Mommy noticed that the patient's name section on the prescriptions, however, for the BV and yeast infection was left blank, so Mommy decided to put her name on the prescriptions and pass them off as hers.

She was gleeful about this. She was happy about the 20 percent discount she'd get for Alma's meds, but this didn't last long. She promptly changed her mood when I said, "Mama, ang iisipun po kang babakalan mo, maatiun ang buday mo."

That gave her a pause.

"Tapos iisipun ninda senior citizen ka na po tapos promiscuous ka pa giraray. Sabi kaya Mommy, women of multiple sexual partners get BV."

Mommy started frowning.

"Saka Mommy, they'd wonder how you can still get these vaginal diseases, dai ka naman childbearing age. They'd think nagreregla ka pa ma o dai ka nagpupupo!"

You can very well imagine my mother's reaction. Unfortunately, this prompted her to ask me to buy the medicines instead. She, however, was insistent on the 20% discount, so she gave me an authorization letter. You don't say no to your mother. That's the number one rule.

Later that evening, I was buying the medications. It was fine at first since I had the letter and senior citizen card and all. Until, I remembered I had to buy the Home Pregnancy Kit Test as well. Since, I already gave the prescriptions to the lady behind the counter, I had to practically shout for my additional purchase, "Ah, miss! Home Pregnancy Kit Test pa palan"

Everybody turned and looked at my bulging stomach. And I mean, BULGING stomach. It was only then that I realized what they must be thinking -

I gave out a laugh and joked, "Dai pa kaya ako sure."

:)