Effed Up

I want to cry.
I want to cry so hard that angels would take pity on me and harangued God with all my solicitations.
I want to cry so hard that the Earth would weep with me.
This is long overdue
But despite the tears that I have shed, I have not shed enough to cleanse my heart out of all its anger...bitterness...and fear.
I want to cry that tears would drown me and heal me.
That I'd find comfort from knowing that I can feel.
I don't know what I fear most - the fact that I need to cry or the fact that I can't seem to cry.
Emotions are all bottled up, so screwed up tight.
It's all fucked up really.