For quite a while now, I haven't been going to Church. I have been a lost sheep. I don't have a problem with God. I believe there is one. I have no doubts about that. Let us not go into the semantics of the words God and existence. I have a problem with priests who rape and abuse children, wipe their hands and spout platitudes from the pulpit. I have a problem with the Church that turns a blind eye to all that. So, I refused to go to church for a while.But anyway, after the series of unfortunate events that happened, I was repeatedly blamed for what was happening. I was repeatedly hearing the words, "because you probably do not go to Church anymore." People kept telling me, "God must be doing this to remind you to go to Church."
So, yeah, what they're saying is that God is in a snit (forgive me, Lord for that description) and he's throwing a tantrum, punishing me and my child with encephalitis and my mother with aortic sclerosis because I was not going to Church. Never mind that I do not hurt people or that I am a good person or that I pray! God has a problem with me, so he's reminding me by doing all that. Okay.
But then again, I've also heard in the past people saying that when you're truly closed to God and he gives you problem, that would be because He does not want you to go astray. He wants to test your faith and he wants to see how far you can take without giving up. This confuses me. If you are far from God, you get "reminded" and he gives you a lot of problems. If you are close to God, he "tests" you and he gives you a lot of problems. Either way, you're screwed basically.
Also, God is there with you. He punishes you but he never gives you anything you cannot bear because just like in the story "Footprints in the Sand", he carries you when you're heavily burden. So, why give problems in the first place when he just ends up carrying you?
Yep, I am being blasphemous here. Completely and utterly blasphemous. But really, how do you figure all these things out? Comments to help me out will be greatly appreciated.
3 Gorgeous People Said --:
I understand where you are coming from. I told my Dad about the time I left mass because I don't agree with the opinions of the priest during homily. His reply was something that got me thinking, he said, you didn't go to mass for the priest, you went there for God. After reading your post, I guess each of us struggle with our faith sometimes. Just don't stop praying. :)
Actually, you did help me with your answer. It's simple really. I am there for God. :) That's like the most honest and right answer I've ever heard. Yes, I still have doubts about the priests, but that - at least - gives some sort of credence to why I go to Church. Thanks. Your Dad is a wise man.
I noticed one thing. People call these problems and negative events TRIALS when they happen to those who we think are close to God (righteous). And KARMA or PUNISHMENT to those who don't go to church or seemingly going astray (sinful). Even in spirituality there is double standard. What I know for certain? We are part of Jesus' cross. But we are part of Jesus' resurrection as well. Sinful or righteous, we have our own shares of this cross. Let's ACCEPT it. For at the end of the day, there will always be resurrection.
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