Do You Remember Me?

I read this somewhere...

"When you hear my name, do you remember me? Because I, I remember you... I remember you every day...I will remember you until there's nothing left in me but thoughts and memories of you..."

Sad. But I used to know how this feels.

Anyway, I think it's from one of the korean soap operas I've been devouring.

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WTH?!

I have a 500 peso plan. Reasonable, right? It's a relatively cheap plan
but since I have no business or social life, and my husband and I spends 24/7 in each other's company, there is no reason why I should get a higher plan.

Erbe thought so, but not anymore.

He is screaming bloody murder.

Apparently my "viber" calls to Uk were placed as regular calls. Crap. I am partially blaming my mother for this.

I dont why Erbe just paid 600 last month. He thought I was call and text thrifty.  Oh boy. He's singing a different tune now. He had my overseas call access disabled. Such a Nazi. :)

Be careful with how you use Viber people. It's neat but it's a tricky little devil.

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P & R

I think having Riley around is forcing Paige to grow up.

I don't want her to grow up EVER.

But it's inevitable... a foregone conclusion like the fact that someday I'll grow old and wrinkly, and I'd probably spend my time worrying about bunions, warts and arthritis.  But that's life. C'est la vie.

Paige is a funny little girl. She's always been funny, and I like to talk to her because she makes me laugh.  She says the darnedest things that drive me to laughing fits.  I must say I just don't love my kid, I like her too. She likes making faces and doing all these silly things.  But she always was a baby... Her father used to carry her around before Riley was born.  Lately though, I see her growing up right before my eyes. It's like her childhood is going by so fast, I can barely hang on to her.

She likes to sing Riley to sleep. It's actually sweet...bittersweet. I used to sing Moon River to her to get her to sleep, and now she likes to sing her sister to sleep. Seriously, she stays with Riley, rubbing her forehead and gently tapping her baby sister's behind, singing Moon River until Riley falls asleep.

Why am I not doing it?

Oh, it's another story. One that deserves its own blog entry but to keep it short - I'm number 4 in Riley's list. First there's her Papa, then her grandmother, and then there's her ate, and then there's me. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit because I don't understand it. In fact, I feel stupid sometimes because I do cry about this miserable hierarchy of affection. But that's that. I read that this will change eventually, but that's that...for now.

There are a lot of things I'm learning about myself. It's like a continuous process of self-discovery.  Lately, I realized I am actually developing patience. I have to; otherwise, I'd probably commit bloody murder. Just go on a rampage. I am constantly between bickering siblings.  I don't know how many times I've heard the words, "Mama, o!" and "Siya man kaya!"  Yes, Riley can say those words now. She also loves to stick her tongue out, narrow her eyes to small sharp slits and shout, "Ay, pondo!" This prompts another round of scratching, biting, kicking until one of them cries. It's a vicious cycle that I will probably have to deal with...forever! Jesus H. Christ.

But anyway, that's life...and guess what, I am enjoying it.  

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OPEN LETTER

I miss you. Sonofabitch. I wish I didn't. I don't like it. No, I definitely do not. I'd rather slit my throat.

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I Thought I Saw You

...and then reality walked in.

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The Supermom

When you're a mom, you learn that you're expected to fix everything.  It doesn't matter what it is.  Your children see you as this "superwoman" who goes about life, making their lives easier, better, happier.  So, when your child asks you to fix a toy that her sister broke, then you damn well better fix the toy.

It's not optional.

So, that's what I did. I tried fixing the damn bike. I grabbed the Epoxy tubes and tried to glue the damn thing back together.  It took me two hours, but the broken parts just wouldn't stick together. I tried stringing them together. It took me half an hour to realize it was impossible. I tried for more than two hours - all the while, cursing at the damn thing. I couldn't even scold Riley who broke the toy.  And Paige sniffling and crying drove me nuts.  I wanted to cry myself. So, I put down the toy, called up Erbe and spent a couple of minutes ranting.  When I felt a little better, I went back to fixing the damn thing.

But after two hours, I gave up. I thought that was the end of it. I made a mental note to buy a toy for Paige the next day.

And the kids and I went to sleep.

The next day, Paige opened her eyes and asked if her toy is fixed already. It's like she expected me to stay up the night until I fixed the toy. I didn't want to disappoint her, but honestly, I just can't fix it.

Frustrated, I grabbed the toy, grabbed the scotch tape and scotch taped the hell out of the damn thing - and voila! It's fixed!  Paige didn't mind the ugly tape. She was so happy that she could play with it again.  And I was happy that I was, once again, her supermom.

She believes I have powers, you see.  It's because she thinks my kiss can cure any ache and pain.

I'll let you in a little secret... it does.

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2013

I really should not complain. Everyone is dealing with their own crap. It's just fair that I have my own share, but still... I don't know what to think. I'm tired of planning. Oh, to hell with everything. I'm lying. I still have plans. They just never pan out though. I'm fvckin' tired. What a freakin' pessimist I'm turning out to be.

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