The 50 Peso Bill Story

Parked beside E-Mall, we had the windows of the car down. Intent on watching Yaya crossed the street, I was surprised when a hand suddenly stretched out before me. Turning, I saw this man, with a glazed look on his face, crouching beside the car's door. He was mumbling and he was looking down but he kept waving his outstretched palm in front of my face.

Obviously, there was something seriously wrong with the man.

Alarmed, I turned to Erbe, "Ba! Limos! Limos!"

And as usual, Erbe refused to give a single cent.

I turned to the man and said calmly, "Mayo po manong..." But I was alarmed when he refused to leave. Instead, he started crying! WTF?!

Seriously, he was bawling.

He also refused to remove his hand in front of my face. I wanted to close the window but I was worried he wouldn't removed his hand. I turned to Erbe again and in a raised voice I demanded, "Ba! He's not right in the head! Tanan mo ng kwarta! Dali!"

Again, Erbe refused. At this point, I was panicking. Meantime, the man stopped crying and once again started waving his hand in front of my face - yes literally in front of my effing face! All sorts of horrific images were passing through my head. Him grabbing my throat. Him pounding his fist on my face. Just horrific images. Oh, okay, kinda melodramatic, I know.

Anyway, Erbe took pity on me and took out a five peso coin. Relieved, I grabbed it and showed it to the man.

I was surprised when he refused to take the damn thing. Instead, he took out a 50-peso bill and started waving the damn thing in front of me again and he kept saying, "Ini! Ini!" Again, he started crying.

Erbe was pissed while I was even more alarmed. I was shrieking, "Give me 20! 50!"

"Mayo ngani ba! Ma-withdraw baga kita!"

"Aagggghhh! Mag-drive ka na!"

Erbe (the stubborn mule) kept glaring at the man and he kept reasoning with the bawling idiot, "Mayo ngani. Sige na. Papapulis ta ka na!"

Just then, a coin fell off from the man's other hand and he bent down. It was at this point that I literally jumped onto the backseat of the car. And then I started pounding at Erbe's seat, "Drive na! Drive na! Drive na!"

Unfortunately, the man had his hand already stretched out once again. And then he said, "Sain na si subago?"

Relieved, I handed over the 5 peso coin.

He took it and then he started walking in front of the car. I thought he was going to leave but what he did next alarmed me even further. He hurled the coin and then he came back and once again demanded a P50 bill.

I'm ashamed to say, I was panicking and was shrieking, "He's not right in the head, ba! Drive! Goddamn it! Drive!!!"

Erbe finally listened to me and he started the car.

I glared at him and said, "Ano ka man?! He could have struck me or strangle me. Why didn't you just give him a fucking bill?!"

He said, "Mayo ngani akong kwarta digdi, ba."

Freaking liar.

Later on, we stopped by at Biggs for some takeouts for the kids. He had to take out his wallet and so I grabbed it from him.

And guess what I saw the minute I opened his wallet - a fucking P50 bill.