Earlier this morning, I woke up with this need to write in my journal - no, not my blog, journal. I needed to sort things out in my head. I needed to drown out the noise and just think. I needed a one-on-one with myself. I can't do that here. That is why i still keep journals. Unfortunately, I seem to have the lost the latest one. I also discovered that I seem to have lost several journals!
I am a journal keeper. I started keeping journals when I was 13 years old. Anyway, the old journals were quite dusty, so I took them out to clean them. While cleaning one journal after another, I couldn't help but open and read.
i started reading one journal and then I couldn't stop.
I kept reading and reading and reading. I discovered a lot of things. First of all, I discovered that the bittersweet feeling is gone. I can now fully appreciate the memories. I giggled and laughed through all 19 journals.
Yes, 19. I lost six though.
I discovered a lot of things. I realized a lot of things. I guess it helps that I am almost 30 years. I have found my peace - and these journals do not make me cry anymore. I enjoyed reading them. I cringed over some entries. I laughed over others. I marveled at the secrets I re-discovered. I forgave myself for my mistakes and immaturity. I forgave a lot of people for hurting me - yes, including you. I now have a better understanding of people. I now see the past differently.
I couldn't do this before. I didn't have the courage to open those journals without crying, but after finding closure, I finally can open them without feeling bad.
I enjoyed the memories. Every now and then, I'd exclaim, "This happened? Seriously?!"
And I began missing people. I miss old relationships. I miss old friendships. There's Marla, Marlon, Guillen, Sette, Tin and Ryan. I miss Ra-rye a lot. It was only after I read those journals that I re-discovered my friendship with him.
I lived through first dates, first boyfriend, childhood crushes, first kiss, first love. God! My journals chronicle my effing love life.
Anyway, it was a great morning. Here are snippets of entries:
This journal - this is special. It actually contains practically countless letters. The content of this journal was addressed to one person only. Unfortunately, this was returned to me. And I burnt many of the pages.
I am a journal keeper. I started keeping journals when I was 13 years old. Anyway, the old journals were quite dusty, so I took them out to clean them. While cleaning one journal after another, I couldn't help but open and read.
i started reading one journal and then I couldn't stop.
I kept reading and reading and reading. I discovered a lot of things. First of all, I discovered that the bittersweet feeling is gone. I can now fully appreciate the memories. I giggled and laughed through all 19 journals.
Yes, 19. I lost six though.
I discovered a lot of things. I realized a lot of things. I guess it helps that I am almost 30 years. I have found my peace - and these journals do not make me cry anymore. I enjoyed reading them. I cringed over some entries. I laughed over others. I marveled at the secrets I re-discovered. I forgave myself for my mistakes and immaturity. I forgave a lot of people for hurting me - yes, including you. I now have a better understanding of people. I now see the past differently.
I couldn't do this before. I didn't have the courage to open those journals without crying, but after finding closure, I finally can open them without feeling bad.
I enjoyed the memories. Every now and then, I'd exclaim, "This happened? Seriously?!"
And I began missing people. I miss old relationships. I miss old friendships. There's Marla, Marlon, Guillen, Sette, Tin and Ryan. I miss Ra-rye a lot. It was only after I read those journals that I re-discovered my friendship with him.
I lived through first dates, first boyfriend, childhood crushes, first kiss, first love. God! My journals chronicle my effing love life.
Anyway, it was a great morning. Here are snippets of entries:
This journal - this is special. It actually contains practically countless letters. The content of this journal was addressed to one person only. Unfortunately, this was returned to me. And I burnt many of the pages.
And this is a snippet of my favorite entry in the world. This was my first journal entry about Erbe, the love of my life. :)
It was a good morning, a good morning indeed.
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