Mimi's Open Tag Meme

I am now officially a fan of Mimi! I just so love her memes.

Here is one she open tagged; so, I'm grabbing it.

1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship.
Ass Hole. Two words, right?

2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
Huh?! Am I supposed to shave them? :)

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
snoring. Haven't received assignments for my homebased work since after Christmas. I'm pretty broke.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Doing the dirty. Quickie. Really, really quick. :)

5. Are you any good at math?
I failed my CPA Board Exam and I blame it to the fact that I haven't memorized the multiplication table. I have the 2s and 5s down but I still do the finger counting thing when I have to multiply any other digit. I'm so bad with the 7s and 9s.

6. Your prom night?
My school was run by priests and nuns. What do you think?

7. Do you have any famous relatives?
Yeah. I think I am a relative to Hitler three generations removed. He was Filipino, you know. Didn't you hear? He's the product of Jose Rizal's loins. I am also a distant cousin of Ron Hubbard, the GREAT founder of Scientology. Now, you know why I keep all these facts under wraps. :)

8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
Yeah. I borrowed a couple of hundreds from my bestfriend after I spent my tuition money on coke. And yeah, that was after I discovered Mars.

9. Do you know the words to your MySpace song?
I would if I had one. I'd probably upload "Hit Me Baby, One More Time".

10. Last thing u received in the mail?
A couple of bloody arms and legs and a note that said, "Pay Your Phone Bills, Asshole! OR ELSE..."

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
Three. A bottle of Martini, a bottle of Scotch and a bottle of Brandy. I guess this is pretty obvious from my answers. And if this is true, I'm the Queen of England. I'm pretty boring so I guess two -- my daughter's leftover mango juice and tap water. Boring. I prefer the three bottles.

13. Who did you lose your virginity to?
Bubba, the truck driver who loves shrimps. That's Dawson's Creek and Forrest Gump's Bubba.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Yeah. I'm narcissistic. I also write The GREAT after my name. Just so everyone on the beach knows.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
A root canal. It was so painful I murdered the dentists afterwards.

16. What is out your back door? Lots of these.
Let me see, Two Pregnant Pigs and 7 piglets, 15 ducks and a garden of Oregano. Trust me. I'm telling the truth this time.

18. Do you like the ocean?
Seriously, one of God's masterpieces. I like it FROM A DISTANCE. I'm a pathetic swimmer.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?
What kind of dumb asshole would give popcorn for Christmas? I would be greatly tempted to shove it up their well -- behind. :) Of course, after I said Thank You. It wouldn't be nice if I didn't, right?

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Planet-what? Nah. I would love to if there is one here in the BackWoods.

22. Something you are excited about?
tap.tap.tap. I'm sitting here for a minute now and I can't think of any. Apparently, I don't get excited about anything. Now, that's sad. This depresses me now. Well, I could go for Hilary Duff's movies. Now, that's really pathetic!

23. What is your favorite flavor of jello?
Hate Jellos. Abhor. Detest. Despise. Vomits. Do I have to go on?

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
Yes. All four of them. Their sex lives are better than mine. Of course, they're not! Are your great grandparents still breathing?! They must be positively ancient by now! How many change of Popes have they witnessed?

25. Describe your keychain?
Don't have any. Surprise? I just don't have any doors that I have to lock or keep keys for.

26. Where do you keep your change?
My jewelry box. It's just convenient to drop everything in your pocket and your jewelry in your jewelry box at the end of the day.

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group?
Scientology Assembly this morning! We were planning a really good scheme for eliminating all traces of psychiatry. We finished with ways to terminate all psychiatrists. Now, you really think I'm a Scientologist. Unfortunately or fortunately, I'm not. I just can't afford that religion. Seriously, January 2007. English Class. I was the teacher.

28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
No winters here. I wish there was though. I'd wear a coat that's made out of some dead animal fur. I'd love some bear or tiger or Panda Coat. You can shoot me now or start calling me names like the "Fugly Relative of the Trollsen Twin" or something. :)

29. What do you think of the person you copied this from?
Brilliant. She might read this, you know. So, yes -- Brilliant.

30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Closed. Definitely closed; else the cat starts to labor and delivers her smelling, mewling kittens under the bed. Trust me, mother cats can be very testy after giving birth.