Worrying about Paige

Being a mother may be the end of me. I have not lost a child like my friends Tikya and Lynette did, but I know how it feels to have someone mean the world to you.

I worry about Paige ALL THE TIME. I worry about every effing illnesses that could cause her harm. I worry about pedophiles even! I have even forbade anyone to leave Paige alone with any man except my father and Erbe.

You can't just trust anyone with your child.

Lately though, I have been worried about Paige having ADHD. It's killing me - the worry. I had a long talk with Sussette about it tonight. She assured me that she didn't see any ADHD symptoms when she last saw Paige. Still, she said I should not be complacent especially if I feel something is wrong.

People often commented about her seemingly hurricane-like ways when she was younger. Erbe's aunt even ventured the suggestion that Paige may have ADHD. It freaked me out that someone thought of it. After all, I was already thinking that she may have it. She does not sit still. She is always running, dancing, jumping, climbing... name it.

As she grew older, she changed a bit. She began to heed my instructions. So, my worry was considerably lessened as I saw a change in her.

When she started school, I was happy that she seemed to be functioning well; although, I still had my worries. She is not your obedient little girl. When we're eating outside, she'd be climbing at the back of the seat or crawling under the table. I don't know if she is behaving normally for a child her age. Sette said that she is.

Anyway, I thought everything is going well until after I was informed that she is her teacher's constant cause of headache. She doesn't sit still, refuses to follow instructions and walks around the class all the time! The teacher tells us that she is very intelligent, but she just refuses to behave.

That freaked me out. Admittedly, she's the youngest in the class, but there are kids who are only a few months older than her that do not pose the same problem to the teacher.

Sussette said that Paige may need a more challenging, structured and disciplined learning environment. That she probably is not challenged, so she gets bored. I hope Sussette is correct.

We also considered the possibility that she lacks discipline. I have to admit - she is spoiled rotten by her grandparents and her father. They cannot bear to see her cry, so she often gets her way. I am the bad guy in her life, the bad police. She follows my instruction and she knows she can't get away with her tantrums with me. So, yeah, Sette said it could be that as well. The teacher, you see, doesn't get angry AT ALL. She's a saint, but Paige knows that.

*sigh.

When we went to the wake the other night, I met this 3-year-old boy Joshua who Paige played with. Like Paige, he was constantly running. At one point, he climbed on ledges and dangled from beams. Paige was staring at him. She called out to me worryingly and pointed to Joshua. The little boy also had this cup filled with sand which he poured all over Paige's dress. Instead of being mad, I could just kiss him! Compared to his antics, Paige was seemingly more behaved. I was deliriously happy, an inappropriate behavior considering the fact that I was also busily crying over his grandfather's demise.

This may not be worth your time. I'm just rambling... I just needed to write. This is really, really freaking me out.