Billabong

What can I say? I love it? Erbe is dishing out snide remarks, but I 'm turning deaf ears.

Earlier, he was carrying the plastic bag with my new slippers inside. We were going around downtown buying stuffs, a grocery here, food items there. And I'd keep saying, "Laag mo na lang sa laug kang plastic na hali sa Jakarta, Indonesia" (I'm not sure though if it is). Anyway, he'd answer with a loud, "harumph!"

This happened several times until he finally said, "Ma-abroad man daw ako, tapos papasalubungan takang pahingurag na plastic. Hali man abroad!" I couldn't help but laugh at his obvious jealous remark. Anyway, he's fine with it, not completely, but he's not throwing them out anytime soon.

Anyway, thank you and Tinay, you really have to do a post for your pasalubong too.

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13-14 Weeks

No more vomiting, but the insatiable hunger has kicked in. The OB was surprised that I lost 10 pounds. Oh, 'twas easy. Just vomit everything you eat and vomit every time you smell something that you don't want to eat - and that pretty much includes anything.

I've finally eaten fish this morning. That is a huge deal because I did not vomit. My stomach still feels queasy though every now and then, but overall, I am doing helluva lot better than before.

Anyway, here is my 12-week ultrasound. We brought Paige along and she was very excited to see the baby moving.

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The Mother and Her Idol... Kris Aquino?! What?!

Don't get me wrong, I love my mother but sometimes, she drives me crazy. She can be so embarrassingly outrageous.

My mother is huge fan of Kris Aquino. Don't ask me why. She just likes Kris' "honesty". Anyway, Kris went here last Saturday to campaign for her brother and to cover for him as the speaker in UNC's graduation ceremony.

Although I promised mamu that I would accompany her to UNC, I really didn't think that she was hell-bent on going until she texted me at half past five in the afternoon, "Ne, where are u?"
"Dagus po kita, mama?"
"Syempre. Magdigdi ka na ta mau akong kaiba."
"Pa centro ka na lang po, ma. Sain kita mahilingan?"
"Yaon na ako digdi sa UNC, sa may flagpole. Yaon na si Kris, dali na!"

There's no arguing with your mother, so we hurried to UNC. I was supposed to meet Tinapay, but the mother was alone and I felt bad about letting her fight off the crowd on her own. After all, she's a senior citizen. How can I forget that? She's always brandishing her senior citizen card about,
"May discount baga ako ning beinte, miss", 
"si diyes kong discount kuanun mo, uya ang card", 
"Erbe, ipadiscount mo ako sa entrance".

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Tweets

It’s almost 10 o’clock. As usual, I’m getting sleepier by the minute, but I still have to finish the ebook. I wish I could just stick with the materials I was given, but I find the need to use additional materials.

Running thoughts… I want to tweet them, but I thought why not blog them all? So, here goes.

• Off the top of my head, do I know someone from Korea? If I do, can I visit you?☺
• The reader from Dubai is back. I think I already know who you are. Well, aren’t you pleased about that?
• I wonder if there’s foul play with Toni Rose’s son’s death. Why the need for instant cremation?
• Pregnancy is not a walk in the park. I’d sock the lights off any woman who tells me she had ‘fun” while vomiting her guts out. Seriously, I can’t be a trooper about this. The nausea and constant retching will get to you. And unless, you have experienced this, don’t you dare judge me. If you’re a guy reading this and judging me, I wish you’d grow a vagina and size G boobs.
• I really don’t like seeing Gladys Reyes’ armpits in Showtime everyday. That alone can turn me off the show for good.
• I want to write a love story and a poem.
• I really can’t decide whether to go back to school this summer or in November.
• I really don’t know what to do with a baby boy. I’ll probably put bows and ribbons on him.
• I wonder if we’d get slippers from Jakarta. Oh, well. It’s a miracle if we do.☺
• Nothing tastes good - absolutely nothing! Oh, god, I miss eating food and enjoying them.
• I am so stressed out. I need a good back massage. Oh, oh, why not ask for one, right now? What’s the use of having a husband who can do a mean back massage?

That’s about it for now. Imagine, tweeting all of that? Or putting them all up as Facebook status? Geeze.

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Bipolar

I rarely blog about my husband’s illness. It is not something that one can ramble about. It is not something that I can easily talk about. Hubby has this certain attitude about it. He’d say, “It’s there, but why waste time thinking about it?” So, he doesn’t. I do though. Not as often as I used to obviously, but I still do.

While trying to understand hubby’s illness, I came across this blogger Seaneen Molloy. She is a blogger and a manic depressive. I really do not want to go into details discussing what manic depression or bipolar is. If you’re that curious, you can just look it up. Mr. Google is always eager to help.

Anyway, back to Seaneen, she is a fast cyclist. In bipolar language, she cycles from mania to depression quite quickly. And I think without medication, the pendulum rocks quickly for her many times a day. This can be very debilitating and scary. But Seaneen has taken it all in a stride. She’s a trooper in the bipolar land.

It’s fascinating to read her entries. I guess because I understand what she’s going through. I may not understand it the way someone with BPD would understand, but I know how it is like. I’ve seen the hell they go through.

She fascinates me though because she has this certain attitude about the whole illness. She does not relish it. She, however, has a certain attitude about it. An attitude that one can only understand if one starts reading her blog. She’s funny and she’s tough. She’s crazy too – in an entirely non-clinical kind of way.

What I like about her most is that she finds humor in her illness. She has this, “don’t mess with the crazy people” attitude that I find refreshing. Refreshing? Yes, it’s the word that I’d definitely use.

Someday, I’m going to write about hubby and his illness. In fact, I already have a blog for that, but it’s not a blog I’d share with the world. It’s an anonymous one. I haven’t written there for a while because I find that I have no reason to. I could tell his story there. Well, maybe someday.

There’s one thing I know for sure, that story will start with this line, “I know of a brave, brave man – and he is my husband and the love of my life.”

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30 Years Old

Happy birthday to me. Before I start this blog post, let me thank Luna for this wonderful post. It's a pleasant surprise to have someone write a post about me.

As I write this blog post, there is one thing different about me. I am now finally 30 years old. It shouldn't matter much. After all, I don't feel any different, but I feel like I am in a race against time. I am pressured to accomplish everything that I want to accomplish within the next 10 years - OR before I hit the bigger 4-0. The one thing I am grateful for though is this feeling of knowing. I know what I want and I know I can get what I want. This feeling is new to me. I have been flailing for the last 10 years.

So, how was my birthday? We celebrated it a day earlier.  It was not what I had planned but it was a fun day, so thank you bi. :)

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Cori and Kris (Obviously, Not the Aquinos!)

We chatted with my sister from 7 'til 10 in the evening yesterday. It was a good chat. I hope though she remembers to send me my birthday gift. So, if you are reading this, hint! hint!

Here are the pictures I took of her and Cori while we were chatting. :)

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The Never Should Meme

"Sometimes silly. Sometimes serious. Always fun!

Step out of the box. Be creative. Use your imagination.

No one's answers are quite like yours."

The Queen of Meme's

Quoting The Queen of Meme:

I actually believe that if "shoulds" and "nevers" were banned from the English language we'd all be better off. Who needs to live in absolutes? Should evokes unnecessary and unhealthy guilt.

Never is never enough no matter what you should be doing. Not ever! See? But in this fill-in-the-blank exercise you can be as dogmatic and brutal as you dare.

After today's meme, lose the words.

Seriously. You Should. Oh, never mind.

1. If I never see Justin Bieber in Twitter's Trend List again it will be too soon.

2. Should I meet my Maker tomorrow, I would ask for one more day on earth to prepare my hubby for my passing. I have to find a hot babe first.

3. Never in my life have I vomited like I did today.

4. I should always allow more time to play with Paige.

5. I should've never listened to love songs while under the influence of pregnancy-induced hormones.  I exclaimed my love for everyone. It's embarrassing!


6. I should spend more money on books because these make me happy. I should spend less money on food because it makes me sad to lose all that money and gain all that weight!

7. Your ATM pin and email address password should never be shared with strangers.


8. Never in a million years would I want you to know that I wonder if you went through the same thing I went through - or even half of it. You dumb ass.

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Just Because I Can

To those who follow my blog because of Erbe. Well, here is my way of saying thank you. I love these pictures. He hates them.  He said - and I quote - "Buli, garo baga ako diyan bading." :)

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On Turning 30

 

I was 17 years old the first time I was ever on a train. I had a small sketchpad and a Mongol #2. And while my father and the rest of the passengers sleep, I drew them. I drew and I drew the whole night through.  I couldn't sleep.  Trains, unlike buses, do not turn off the lights.  Well, that is as far as I remember.

I have a certain affinity with trains. I love hearing their whistles. And I'd wonder, "Who is on it?"  I'd find myself wondering, "Where are they going?"

I wish I knew where I was supposed to go when I was 17 years old.  Back then, I knew I loved two things - writing and arts. I love reading books and I love writing them. I wanted to be a writer or an artist - that as much I knew back then. I wanted to take up Fine Arts or Journalism, but these are not "practical" courses - as I was told. So, I kept silent and did what I was told.

I didn't have the guts to go for what I wanted. I never really had that passion or that drive. That has always been my problem. I've always been contented with mediocrity. On top of that, my own fears have always defeated me. They swallow me whole until I could hear nothing else but the rapid beating of my heart. Until, I could taste nothing but the acrid flavor of fear in my mouth.

I wish I knew that I was going to be a writer anyway and "practicality" be damned. But these are not the kinds of things you think of when you're 17. After all, you feel like the world is yours to conquer.

It's different when the Big 3-0 is looming. You start to question and you start to look back. You give out huge sighs for things that you have not accomplished and you clutch on the things that you should be grateful for.

When you turn 30, you feel like the world has moved on a rapid pace while you have been left behind, gasping for air. On the other hand, you feel like you know better NOW. You now know what you want and where you're going. If you still don't, you are probably a lost cause.

When you're 30, you feel like you have outgrown your childish expectations. You have the insight of an adult, but still none of the disillusionment. You still have 10 years to accomplish what you now know you want - 10 years before once again you hit the big number.

I wish I knew what I wanted when I was 17, but I'm happy I know what I really want now. And oh yeah, I finally have the courage to go for what I want.

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Melancholic Thoughts

I love writing. I love it when the juices start flowing in and my fingers start on pounding keys after keys and the words will just appear magically like they have always been there in the first place. And the page was never blank to begin with.

Blogging, however, gives a temporary high. It does not allow me to be as honest as I want to be. I cannot deny, however, that it is a powerful too that - I must admit - I have used so many times in the past. I have hurt people with it and for that, I am… not sorry. I still am not.

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What Is the Sweetest Thing Anyone Has Ever Done For You?

I have become a complainer - a really, really bad one. Why if you will just sit down with me for a minute, I would definitely regale you with how awful I feel these days. You would get a graphic description of how my vomit looks like. So, if you do not want to end up hugging the toilet bowl yourself, stay away. I mean it. You do not want to be anywhere near me. I am a horrible complainer and sometimes, I enjoy it.

Poor Erbe, he does not have a choice. Well, he's the one who got me into this situation in the first place, so I do not think he should be given ANY choice.

The other night, I don't know what prompted me to ask him, but I did ask him, "Ba, sweet man ako?"*

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