Rollercoaster Ride

Everybody's Fine – it's a good movie. It had me bawling from start to finish. Okay, not start – halfway through to finish.

There was this scene after Robert de Niro's character almost got mugged, he was next shown calling someone up. I thought he was calling up one of his children. But the next scene made me cry.

A shot of his home was shown with his phone ringing. And then the answering machine played with his wife's voice going, "Hello, we're not home right now…"

His wife already passed away.

But he was calling home to listen to her voice to find comfort. And I started bawling.

I realized that I'd probably do the same if I ever lose my husband. He's all source of comfort to me too.

Anyway, blame it on hormones, but I feel like I have just went through an emotional rollercoaster.

I've also realized that you don't always have to be friends with people especially if you don't honestly like them. It's weird how it has to take me a decade to realize that I don't like certain people in my life. I especially dislike this certain individual.

So, here's an open letter for that person –

Dear You,

Yes, you. You don't have the right to make me feel bad about my choices and my life because you think highly of yourself. You do not have the right to make me feel that I don't deserve whatever is good in my life because you think I don't deserve them. You do not have the right to judge me because after all these years – honestly, you don't know the FUCK about me.

You don't know the hell I went through. You think so highly of yourself, but guess what, you fucked up. You majorly fucked up. And I don't have an ounce of respect left for you.

You do not have the right to dismiss my opinions, my thoughts and my plans because you think you know better. Guess what, you don't.

So, I've decided you're not worth it. And I really don't want to bother with you anymore. I choose not to pollute my life with your so-called friendship.

Me

There. That makes me feel better.

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Blogging

I should be sleeping. It's already past 3 in the morning. I have finished work for the day and I am exhausted. Unfortunately, my brain doesn't want to rest yet.

I have rediscovered blogging as an outlet. And it's all because of two things –

1. I blog directly from Microsoft Word – I love! I love!
   
2. My twitter friends have been painfully absent.
   

Anyway, I like this – blogging –just me and my thoughts and you, my readers – known and unknown. Whoever you are, thanks for reading. I don't care if you are here to stalk me, to stalk my friends or my husband. Just thank you for bothering to read.

I really do not have much to say these days. I don't know why. I like typing though. There is a certain pleasure I derived from typing so fast I can barely see my fingers run through the keys.

We are going to Lagonoy tomorrow. Hubby's aunt is home from Saudi and she called him early this morning – no, make that yesterday morning. She said, "Come and get your pasalubong. Bring Paige too." I don't really have 'pasalubong' but somebody has to keep Paige from misbehaving, so there.

Earlier this evening (again, make that yesterday evening), my mother was asking me about the baby's name. Sorry, sis, she doesn't want me to get your name. She said it's your name, so it should remain yours. She suggested 'Kristine' though, but we kind of agreed the world is already full of a lot of Kristine. I think we're going to go with Riley Patricia. Riley means 'courageous' in Gaelic and Patricia is derived from Erbe's Lagonoy name, Patricio. It's a long story, but we kinda think it's proper that we'd name the baby after her papa. So there.

I am babbling and I really don't care. You can always choose not to read this. Hubby has been nagging me to go to sleep. We're supposed to leave early.

An old friend called me up today. We're going to meet up on Friday. I'm glad he called. He's too special to lose. J

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2:23 AM

I am happy.

I am at peace.

Peace – it's something I do not lack of. It's something I have. I can go to sleep at night knowing that everything is well in my life. We may lack of some things, but after years of uncertainties and of roller coaster rides – peace is something that I will not exchange for anything in this world.

With peace comes this knowledge that I am truly, truly loved. Not just loved, but unconditionally loved.

by my parents,

by my sister,

by my friends,

and most of all, by my husband.

I am happy. And right now, inside me beats another heart – and that knowledge fills me up.

I have another daughter.

I cannot say how blissful I am at this very moment as I write this.

I am blessed.

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And It's a WHAT?

I'm exhausted. I slept at 6 in the morning and woke up 3 hours after. For the life of me, I cannot go back to sleep. Anyway, we went to my OB this afternoon and we had an ultrasound. The doctor was a bit worried about the fact that I seem to have stopped gaining weight. I should be gaining weight because it means the baby is growing. Anyway, she seemed okay. Yes, she. :) It's a girl. And we're debating whether to name her Riley Patricia or Riley Alexis. In keeping my promise to my sister as well, I'm also thinking of Riley Kristina. So, we still don't know.

Anyway, here's a clip of the video Erbe took earlier. Here's the part where the OB said, "it's a girl!"

Cast your vote please :)

What should we name our baby girl?
	Riley Alexis
	Riley Kristina
	Riley Patricia
Web Polls

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On Death

If there is one thing that I am truly afraid of --its death. I often wonder how it feels to die. I often wonder if you even feel anything. I wonder if the struggle ends at some point or if we eventually give in to its calming embrace.

I am afraid of dying. I am afraid of taking that last breath. I often wish that I'd die in my sleep. I don't care when, just that I die in my sleep.

I am afraid of losing out on life because there is still so much more that I can do.

My wish is that I'd one day be able to look at death, scoff at its face and say, "I'm not afraid of you. I've lived my life and I am not afraid to die anymore." By then, I've truly known passion, loss, joy, desire and love.

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I Feel Good!

Back in College, my friends and I used to sing this song a lot - it was our feel-good song. And hearing this tonight made me remember how fun it was to be giggling about boys and professors with lipstick on their teeth. :)



Wo! I feel good, I knew that I wouldn't of
I feel good, I knew that I wouldn't of
So good, so good, I got you

Wo! I feel nice, like sugar and spice
I feel nice, like sugar and spice
So nice, so nice, I got you

When I hold you in my arms
I know that I can do no wrong
and when I hold you in my arms
My love won't do you no harm

[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/7nH ]
and I feel nice, like sugar and spice
I feel nice, like sugar and spice
So nice, so nice, I got you

When I hold you in my arms
I know that I can't do no wrong
and when I hold you in my arms
My love can't do me no harm

and I feel nice, like sugar and spice
I feel nice, like sugar and spice
So nice, so nice, well I got you

Wo! I feel good, I knew that I wouldn't of
I feel good, I knew that I would
So good, so good, 'cause I got you
So good, so good, 'cause I got you
So good, so good, 'cause I got you

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Agnostic

Agnostic – One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism (Online Dictionary).

No, I am not agnostic and I am far from being an atheist. I do believe that there is God and that HE or SHE exists. I, however, am far from being a devout Christian or devote anything.

I often joke about studying all religions. You know, being part Jew in some months and part Buddhist in another and part Muslim for the rest of the year. I figured that's the only way one can truly make the right decision when it comes to religion. Erbe, however, would have a fit if he finds himself donning a Buddhist robe and a Muslim garb the next, so, no that is not at all feasible.

Meanwhile, my mother continues to throw a fit every Sunday because I do not want to go to Church. I don't know how to tell her that I just don't have that absolute faith in that religion anymore.

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The Little Mermaid is a Spoiled Brat!

I have finally introduced Ariel to Paige. And as one would expect, my daughter fell in-love with the Little Mermaid. Who wouldn't? Singing fish and all that crap. Anyway, I wondered if it was wise to let Paige watch a movie where the witch died after the Prince killed her. Yep, it was not murder, but self-defense, but how can I explain that to Paige right now?

In the course of worrying about the part of the story, I realized that this movie has no moral lesson at all. Seriously. Ariel is a mermaid who is not happy with being a mermaid and wishes to be someone else she is not. She is 16-year-old girl who defies her father for this hunky dude who she has seen only once. And oh yeah, the movie requires that the Prince should fall in-love with Ariel within 3 days or the Octopus-Woman would own her soul. The mermaids and the father turned to worms because Ariel was a spoiled brat. This movie teaches my daughter all the wrong values.

At 16, she'd likely be complaining about how tired she is of being a human and wishes to be a fish or a duck or something even weirder. She'd fall-in love with the first hunky guy she sees and defy me at all cost just to be with him. She'd believe that she could make her fall in-love with her for 3 days. And then I'd turn into an itty bitty worm because the witch got her. Okay, I don't know where the witch came from but I figured she should be there because I am doing a parallelism here.

Anyway, Ariel, that freaking spoiled brat, got all she wanted in the end. Hell, the world just doesn't work that way. I hate this fairy tale.

But I hate the Jack and the Beanstalk story even more. How dare that Jack kill that Giant just because the poor giant ran after him? He fucking stole the giant's Golden Goose! That lying murdering thief!

This is why I am seriously considering Politically-Correct stories for Paige.

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Microsoft Word 2007

I have discovered that I like using Microsoft Word 2007. I used to frown at this but I am getting the hang of it and I am loving it. I especially like this because I can easily write blog posts without needing to log in to Blogger.com – thus, the second blog post for the day. In all honesty, I have nothing to write. Yes, there were a lot of things that happened, but I really didn't feel the need to write about them.

For instance, Paige was hospitalized several weeks ago. It was freaking scary. She was severely dehydrated and I was a mess. Oh, yeah, I acted like I was taking it all in a stride, but I was bawling like there was no tomorrow. I was even more scared when they couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. As usual. By the way, aside from Erbe's relatives – no friend of mine visited. *snort* Needless to say, I was…hmmm… what's the word? ah yeah, incredibly pissed disappointed. I would have taken the time to visit if they were in my position. You know just to let them know I care.

MY problem though is that I tend to forget that I tend to own my friends – I own their worries like these worries are mine. I own their joys like I have the right to. I own every fucking emotion that they have – and eventually, these things drain me. I tend to escape and hide sometimes just so I can breathe. I can't expect that from others though. So, screw expectations. No more of that from now on. This is probably one of the reasons why I didn't want to blog about that. Paige was a trooper though.

I have lost my love for blogging – truth be told. I feel like I don't see the point anymore. Well, maybe it's just a phase. Maybe, it's not.

I am doing well though if you want to know. I am having difficulty breathing all the time and I have recurring bouts of allergy attacks, but other than that, I am doing well. I am wondering where I can find breathing strips here in this place.

 

 

 

 

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Addicted

At one point or another, I have been addicted to many things. I have been addicted to a human being. This addiction lasted for a decade! I have been addicted to many games including Battle Realms. I was able to figure out how to kill the nemesis a few seconds after the battle started. Right now, I can't remember what was the character's name was. That was five years ago.

I am addicted to books. I can never have enough of them. I love libraries and bookshops. I can kill hours on these places, but bring me to a shoe shop and I'd promptly turned my nose up. I am not a fan of clothes or shoes. I will, however, spend lots of cash on books.

Right now, I am addicted to these freaking netbook and all the games that are in it. Oh, well, as all things go – this addiction, too, shall last.

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