The Day of Reckoning

I haven't slept yet. I am in a lot of discomfort. These days, I seem to be able to sleep only while getting a back massage. Erbe's massages lull me to sleep. They are very good physical lullabies.

I have been reading about my condition. Although I have not been officially diagnosed with symphysis pubis dysfunction, it seems to be the most rational explanation for this debilitating, intolerably painful condition. Unfortunately, I do not know whom to consult for this condition.

My former OB was pretty nonchalant about it. She just insisted on the cesarean section. Apparently, though, the condition resolves after delivery. However, there are people who never fully recover. I hope I am not one of them.

Anyway, with lots of reading, I have learned that vaginal delivery is not really advisable. There are horror stories everywhere - and I choose not to risk tearing up the ligaments once and for all. The best option is a c-section. I hope I can have the operation tomorrow.

With the doctor's permission, I will have myself confined this evening. Unfortunately, we called up earlier this morning and we were informed there is no room available. I hope we can get a room tonight. The pain is killing me. How painful is it? I can only compare it to a pound of flesh being slowly sliced into two. That's how painful it is.

I am okay as long as I don't move. Yes, it sucks. I am fortunate though that I have a very patient husband who loves me to pieces. He makes it all better.

Anyway, if things go well, I will have Riley with me tomorrow. I am very excited about that. We all are - Paige especially.