I grew up with these crazy fairy tales in my head that really made me expect and set impossible pictures of a prince who'd come in charging on a white horse and rescue me from the evil witch! (Technically though, where do you get witches and castles nowadays?! Or a white horse for that matter? They cost shit of bucks!) Bah! It's those friggin' princes who need rescuing!
Anyways, my repertoire really is not on princes and how pathetically weak they really are! It is more of how politically incorrect fairy tales are.
For instance, let's take that friggin' thief Jack who climb up the beanstalk.. Who the hell made him a hero? What did he do?He is a bloody criminal! That's what he is!
He took the harp and the goose from the giant! That's thievery, right?! Who said he has the right to take those things? He wasn't even contented with just being a mere thief? He bloody well went ahead and murder the poor giant!
Just a thought: I wonder why the giant in this story was so particular with an English man?? "Fi fie foe! I smell the blood of an Englishman.." Why not Spanish? American? Chinese?
Then there is Cinderella... Sleeping Beauty and of course, Snow White -- the fairest maiden of all.
The story always goes like this.. "There was a beautiful girl..." Can they be for once, just bloody once, be freaking ordinary?!?!?! I know you'd likely argue and say I'm being too literal, right? But who do you tell these stories to? That's right, kids!
Have u ever heard of any 4-year-old writing a dissertation on these fairy tales?! Of course not. Kids take these stories as bible truths. Unfortunately, they carry these insane expectations into adulthood. Let's just leave the kids thinking that only beautiful girls win the bloody wimpy princes..Geeze! Reality is different. It's no wonder we have distorted expectations.
To my way of thinking, the Prince should have met Cinderella while she was busily cleaning the fireplace with soots on her face. We'd know for sure if the Prince is a freakin' wimp and if he could love her for ever and ever.
And then there is that irritating story of The Princess and the Pea. Can you really feel a pea placed underneath layers and mounds of blankets. WTF?!
Fairy tales, bah! They should have written fairy tales for lesbians and gays, I say!
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