Bullshit and Blessings

Nice title, huh? I am having a good morning as opposed to the kind of morning I had yesterday. Yesterday was crappy.  I guess my good morning is partly because of the rain. I love the rain and I think I have blogged about how much I love the rain that I should just create a category for it or change my blog title to "Have I Told You How Much I Love the Rain Because I Love the Rain. Oh Yes, I Do! Yes, I Do! So, Have I Told You How Much I Love...

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Hey.

I LOVE YOU....

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Disoriented

I slept at 9 in the morning, this morning and I'm awake now. It's 1 in the afternoon. It's my husband's fault.  He opens the door, closes the door, opens the light, closes the light and talks to me even though he knows I'm asleep.  Needless to say, I finally woke up, scream bloody murder and now I can't sleep. My head is pounding. Early this morning, I saw a pencil and I started sketching, It has been a while since I drew anything and...

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For the One Who Got Away :)

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Anxiety Attack

I knew it would come to this. I thought I was prepared for it, but it seems like I am not. I should be, but I am panicking. I feel like I can't breathe. God damn it. Crossroads. I've reached my crossroads and if things go as planned, I will be jumping into the fires of hell again. I wish I didn't see it like that, but I do. I have six months to change my perception and hopefully, a positive change will yield positive outcome. I am covering all the bases. uh.huh. I am making sure that I have all the bases covered this time and I have Plan A and...

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Damn It.

I had that dream again where I wake up with a gnawing emptiness in my stomach. Damn it. I prefer to lie to myself. I prefer to believe in this little truths/lies that I tell myself. I don't understand it really. I don't understand how something or someone can have that much hold. It's weird. It doesn't make sense at all.  It defies the rational, the reasonable. So, I tell myself that little lie and convince myself it's true. But then, I'd sleep and the truth will rear its head. Damn it. Just.Get.Out.Of.My.Head will you? Go away!...

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Three Two

The first time I took notice of her, I was sitting behind her in class.  She was #1 in class - and sometimes #2.  I was often #3 in class, next to her and Lala.  She's a scary loser though.  Well, she used to be.  One time, she ranked 2nd next to Marla, she got mad and she broke Lala's pencil in half.  We were in first grade. My next memory of her was in 2nd grade.  It was recess and we were playing Chinese...

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The Things I Learned from Being a Mom

I am not your typical mom.  In fact, I am so atypical that I envy the normal ones, you know regular mothers.  I have my own way of doing things.  I think I frustrate Erbe who is so traditional in his views that he probably regrets marrying me.  I think he starts his prayers with, "Dear God, please help me reform my wife." If you were married to me and you are quite traditional, you will regret it.  You see, I believe...

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Love

Love. It's a simple four letter word. It's practically a cliche. For love is a whore of a word. It has been used so often as a lie or as the truth.  It's easy to say...love. It rolls out the tongue like a soft breeze in a summer night. It's easy to say. What it is, however, is difficult to find.  Everybody wants it.  Everybody is looking for it, but not everyone finds it.  Love. Sometimes, you think you have it and then then you'd find yourself wondering if you really truly had it. It's what makes people give up...

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Drowning

Drowning. That's how I feel. I feel like I need to swim to the surface fast, just to breathe. That's what I am doing. I wonder where you draw the lines. I wonder when you throw in the towel.  I wonder when should you stop caring or hurting or giving a damn.  Because seriously, nobody wants you to give a damn.  Nobody really gives a shit whether you cry or not. Oh, this is not about my marriage - I suppose you're thinking, "Are they having problems?" No, it's not It's about giving a damn, feeling shitty for somebody else's shit. I...

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Interlude

Lately, I have realized that respect is a necessary ingredient in all kinds of relationships.  You really can't have a relationship with a person you don't respect.  How do you relate to someone you can't respect?  How do you continue to love someone you do not respect? No, my marriage is not under the rocks.  I'm what you call semi-happy. My husband would call our marriage, however, a marriage of eternal bliss.  I guess it all boils down to what makes an individual happy.  There are things I want and I need....

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Adieu

This blog has its good run.  I enjoyed writing for this blog, but I feel that I should start a new one.  Blogging is my emotional outlet.  I take out my garbage here.  Unfortunately, it has come to a point where I can no longer write to my heart's content because I am considering my readers' feelings - and I don't want to consider anybody's feelings but my own when I am writing.  I cannot control who reads my blog and unfortunately,...

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Sampulong Gramo

It was my fault. I handled it badly. I should have said that I agreed with the things I was reading. I don't like the way I handled things. I wish I can have a second chance and I'd be able to handle it better. No, things are definitely NOT better left unsaid. I am setting up a new blog. I am going to say goodbye to this one. Oh, no, I am not going to delete this. I will just continue blogging elsewhere. ...

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Do You Remember Your First Kiss?

Someone asks me why I haven't been blogging. Honestly, I just lost that need to tell my stories. For years, I'd write a post here and there - and it was for this person. Just on an off chance that this person  might just be reading my blog. Now, I don't feel that anymore. I've lost that and along with it, I've lost the need to tell stories - my stories. The thing is I don't have to blog these stories anymore. But then the other night,...

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My Love Affair with the Moon

Have you seen the moon tonight? It's a full moon.  It's breathtaking. I think I've once told someone that the easiest way to feel close to anyone you love who is far from from you is to look at the moon.  You see, it doesn't really matter where you are.  If you both look up, you will be looking at the same moon.  Distance doesn't seem so great if you think of it like that.  Of course, the person I was telling this to before...

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Nothing Specific Really

I have this little vomit in my mouth - a figurative vomit. It doesn't exist, but curiously, I can taste it. Lately, life has been both funny and cruel to people I know - and love. Life has been what it has always been, a pain in the ass. (Yes, I am rambling. I type as my thinking takes it usual route, scattered in different directions. I guess you will understand as I continue to write and you continue to read. It's just fair to let you know...

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A Revelation

I have just been told that I am the worst thing that ever happened to someone - worse than the death of this person's parents. OUCH. I still do not know what I did or why I am that infamous in this person's life. But I'd like to think of it this way - that I apparently mattered enough to wreck havoc in this person's life. I have never intentionally hurt anyone. Ironically, this person mattered to me a lot. I just didn't know I mattered just as...

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For Your Information

I love my husband with every fiber of my being. I have not loved anyone as much as I love him. I love him and ONLY him.  Oh, I am silly sometimes, I do things and say things that will likely lead you to think otherwise, but if you know our story, you will not blink an eye when I tell you that our story is probably the stuff of Hollywood films. I will gladly walk all the way to hell and back for him - and I have. He knows that - and...

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The Things a 4-Year-Old Should Know

Admit it, if you’re a mom – or a dad – you’ve probably compared your kid to somebody else’s kid. I should know, I’ve done the same thing hundreds of times! I, however, am not guilty of openly insulting or comparing my children with other people’s children. Since becoming a parent, I’ve noticed two things: 1. That parents want to believe that their children are little prodigies. 2. That parents often wonder what their child should know or should...

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My Latest Embarrassing Story

Just before going home yesterday afternoon, I decided to drop by Jollibee to get something for Paige and the Husband.  After giving my order, I began planning Paige's birthday plans in my head.  I was waiting for my order.  It was so weird. I just went blank and I just stood there.  I saw the cashier preparing my order.  I saw her talking to me.  I saw her mouth was moving, but her words weren't registering at all. I...

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Dear Lord

Please don't let me be this person. I don't want to be like this person... This is just so sad. I had to live with a ghost for a decade. I can't do two or more! That's just sad. Really sad... (image from Postsecret.com)...

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The Train

A,  I hear the train. As usual, I am reminded of you - and I smile....

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Eccentricities and Idiosyncracies

Like most people, I probably take me for granted. You know how it goes. You like certain things - and you don't really give it much thought. You like certain ways and you shrug it off because these are the things that you know about you. Like you, I have my own eccentricities and idiosyncracies. I have just never bothered to take notice. For instance, I don't like newly-cooked rice. I don't like eating hot rice, so I prefer to eat leftover...

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Thoughts on Death

Death. It's not something you want to think about or talk about.  Life is too precious to think about dying, but every now and then death confronts you.  It rears its ugly head and it reveals itself in the most horrific ways.  Sometimes, death is silent.  It comes in the middle of the night and it takes people away in a sweet embrace.  Most people would probably wish that for themselves.  I do.  I want death to...

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Running Thoughts Again

I have been tapping...tapping.. because I feel so much that I want to explode. I have been tapping on these keys and I'd immediately find myself erasing what I have written.  I wanted to write about Life and how cruel it can be.  Life is definitely what happens when you are planning something else. Curiously, I can't seem to find the right words. I can't seem to catch my thoughts. They're everywhere. I feel sad. sad, yes, primarily.I feel melancholic.  I think that word is more accurate. You know what I wish?  That I'd get...

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To Whom It May Concern

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Online Storage :)

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Minds That Matter

Jinx, I took this on the second day of classes. They were/are not required to use uniforms yet. :) ...

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Get Fun and Chic Hospital Uniforms and Scrubs!

Once upon a time, I was on my way home when I saw this guy wearing a white scrub for men standing in front of a local drug store.  I can't remember his face now.  I just remember thinking that he looked like an angel.  I couldn't stop staring and he was staring back. Looking back, he was probably thinking, "Why is this weird girl staring at me?"  The car sped up and that was it - I never saw him again. I'd probably wouldn't recognize him anyway since I don't remember his face.  Truth be told, I'm probably married to him....

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A Barbie Called Lyn

I played with Barbie dolls today. I found one of Paige's dolls at the back of the washing machine. It was filthy. I found another one inside the hamper of dirty clothes and it was even dirtier. I found another on top of my law books and yes, it was dirty. They were all naked.  I took all three and I gave them a bath. It was like 1989 all over again. I gave them a bath and then I spent countless minutes untangling their hair. For an hour...

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I Can't Figure It Out

So, here's what I have been thinking... For quite a while now, I haven't been going to Church. I have been a lost sheep. I don't have a problem with God. I believe there is one. I have no doubts about that. Let us not go into the semantics of the words God and existence. I have a problem with priests who rape and abuse children, wipe their hands and spout platitudes from the pulpit. I have a problem with the Church that turns a blind eye to all...

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Women Love Men in Scrubs

Women just love men in uniform, but you know what else they love? Men in scrubs. Seriously! There’s a certain appeal that goes with the white scrubs.  Call it stereotyping, but you certainly can’t deny the fact. Aside from the impression of stability that these scrubs create, they also give out the impression that you guys (lucky enough to legitimately wear one!) are all-around neat to live with – and women just love men who...

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