Waiting for the Bar Exams Results

Waiting is not easy.
It is a complete torture.
Like you're waiting for someone to give you your breath back.
Like waiting for the ax to fall -- this is how I feel right now.
Waiting for the inevitable.
Unfortunately, I feel like the inevitable would mean sour bitter taste in my mouth,
like ashes falling off from a dead dream.

I've been surfing around the net and have read few blogs about the bar exams. The authors have discussed their answers and they sound so freaking convincing that I feel like my answers were like series of babblings of a 4-year-old idiot.

They sound so convincing and I feel damned when their answers differ from mine.
Thoughts like, "Why the hell did I rush that Legal Ethics exam?"
or "Geeze! I gave the most stupid answers ever!"

Why the hell did I answer, "Yes, he showed improper conduct not befitting a lawyer/judge".
All I can remember is that I was having difficulty thinking of any legal basis for a negative answer, "No, his actions were not improper because -- well, it was his wife for pete's sakes!"

Sometimes, I get caught up with day-to-day activities and I sin. I curse at a driver. I speak a bad word. I miss a Sunday mass -- and I worry that I'd fail. I even had a bad dream where I couldn't find my name in the paper. That basically gave me an inkling about how devastated I'd be come April. Yes, I'm preparing myself for the bad news.

God! I hate waiting. It's pure torture. It's like someone has got a hard grip on my heart and wouldn't let go.

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12 Gifts of Christmas

Giving myself permission to drink a huge glass of hot chocolate on a cold December night with a plateful full of Chips Ahoy cookies beside me.

Allowing myself to enjoy the notoriously noisy carols of neighborhood kids who is out for a few bucks, the mangled and disarrayed Christmas lights, and other holiday touches that my sister spent huge bucks on last Christmas

Getting the complete collection of Sims 2 and all its expansions – now, that would be the nicest Christmas gift ever! And don’t forget the gift certificate for computer memory upgrade to accommodate the Sims 2 collection. This is a package deal.

Feeling more joyful this Christmas which is particularly difficult for me given the fact that I don’t like Christmas holidays because it’s depressing.

Getting a lot of chocolates from New Zealand (clearing my throat for Bes)

My family -- my parents and my very-far-away sister -- and the extended ones including all the dysfunctional, queer and relatively weird ones. They put up with me, spoil me even and provide the stability that I need.

The love and support of the friends that I see or talk to often and those that I don’t see or talk to anymore. Right Nette? Tin? Thank God for small favors like my good friend Ryan who gets pissed off that I don’t answer his overseas calls.

An end to a good year marked with my leap to an unknown, leaving other people to decide my fate and my dreams.

Serenity – knowing in the most real of wordless voices everything as I see or feel them is the way it should be. Even when I refuse to see it.

My husband and my daughter. No words suffice. They’re continued good health and presence equal countless gifts for eternity.

You. Just the fact that you’re reading this and that you’re taking some time out of your busy life to spend a moment here and maybe give a damn about all this – well, that’s a gift.

Lastly, knowing that all these do not have much to do with Christmas, but they are more of taking the time to recognize that I have so much to be grateful for in my life. That, my friend, is the biggest gift of all.

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In My Daughter's Eyes

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

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How Do You Know You Have a Toddler?

1. She toddles while attempting to run. You could almost piss in your pants. Then she’ll trip herself, stand up, toddle, fall again… and so and so forth.

2. She will climb up the stairs with surprising agility. You’d think she’s climbing the

Himalayas

. Her expression really determined.

3. She eats her toothbrush.

4. She picks up every little thing she can see on the floor and eat it.

5. She dances by nodding her head and by bending her knees repeatedly.

6. She imitates words, “Hal-ka” (Halaka!) “Ba-bye Kokey”, "Tek-ku” (Thank you).

7. She would give kisses or hugs if you beg really well.

8. She puts everything in the garbage.

9. She’d eat something and then starts to spit them on the floor, sit down and wipe the spits with her hands.

10. She’s passionately inquisitive. What’s inside this drawer? What will happen if I push this button? What will happen if I pull this wire? What happens if I just put my fingers inside the fan?

11. She develops irritating habits -- Uh-huh, mama turned on the fan again; time to turn it off.

12. She wakes up at 3:00 in the morning and decides that she’s had enough of sleep; and starts poking and babbling to wake up.

13. She finds every corner and refuses to get out.

14. She starts pulling things off the cabinet and throwing them around the room. Pull things off the table and throw them around the room.

15. She refuses to get out of her tub after every bath and refuses to let me wash her hair; and refuses to stand still while getting dressed

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Ironic

I'm earning my living as a writer.
but I absolutely have nothing to write about.

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