The Pain of Loss

"What hurts me the most is that I know he didn't want to die. He had so much to live for. Why did we have to go through all those trials when in the end, he'd be taken away from me..."

This is what my friend said while we were talking about Mike, her husband.

She just didn't have the time to prepare herself for that huge loss in her life. Some people have that blessing, but not her.

The night he died, her cellphone rested on top of their bed's side table. Mike was outside their room. She shouted at him to set the alarm on her cellphone because she was going to wake up early the next day. That night was that mundane. She went to bed and a couple of hours later, she heard him screaming.

"I was that dependent on him. I could have set the alarm myself but I still had to ask him to do it for me."

Mike agreed.
Sadly, he never got around to setting the alarm.

"That's how I know he did not come to bed."

There are people who are taken from us so suddenly. Even they, themselves, did not have time to prepare for it -- for death. It truly is heartbreaking to see the pain they left behind.

Anyway, these are my depressing thoughts for tonight. Ironically, my thoughts have been provoked by this movie I just finished watching.

It's Hilary's Swank, P.S. I love You.

The Synopsis:

Holly Kennedy is beautiful, smart and married to the love of her life - a passionate, funny, and impetuous Irishman named Gerry. So when Gerry's life is taken by an illness, it takes the life out of Holly. The only one who can help her is the person who is no longer there. Nobody knows Holly better than Gerry. So it's a good thing he planned ahead.

Before he died, Gerry wrote Holly a series of letters that will guide her, not only through her grief, but in rediscovering herself. The first message arrives on Holly's 30th birthday in the form of a cake, and to her utter shock, a tape recording from Gerry, who proceeds to tell her to get out and "celebrate herself".

In the weeks and months that follow, more letters from Gerry are delivered in surprising ways, each sending her on a new adventure and each signing off in the same way; P.S. I Love You.

Holly's mother and best friends begin to worry that Gerry's letters are keeping Holly tied to the past, but in fact, each letter is pushing her further into a new future. With Gerry's words as her guide, Holly embarks on a journey of rediscovery in a story about marriage, friendship and how a love so strong can turn the finality of death into a new beginning for life.

It truly is a beautiful, beautiful story. It's not just your typical chick flick. It's a bittersweet story that would have you crying and laughing and crying and laughing all at the same time.

I did.

But I can't help but think how unfair it was for my friend to lose her husband like that. I wish she could have had Holly's story. I wish Mike has 10 letters prepared for her.

"I know that the toughest part will come. When this (the funeral) is all over. I wish this could go on and have this wake for years and years. I just don't want to bury him. He has left this void -- I know, that will never be filled."

Sadly, Mike does not have letters for Irene.
Not a single one.

I wonder what's harder losing someone who did not want to leave or losing someone who wanted to leave?