An Anniversary Post

You get to meet hundreds of people in your lifetime, but you only get to meet one person who'd touch your life and irreversibly change it.

That's what happened to me.

You see, when I met my husband and chose to love my husband - and yes, it was a conscious decision - I knew it wouldn't be easy. I'd be threading grounds that few will likely have the courage to face. But I told myself that every good day is worth thousands of bad ones. Oh, there were days when I probably convinced myself otherwise.

Because, yes, there were bad days... and there were really, really bad days. And during these times, I'd usually find myself bartering with God. I'd make promises that I knew half of which I wouldn't be able to keep, but I made them anyway. I'd be crying my eyes out, praying for hours and bartering with God.

And during these bad days, I clung on to the good days - days when we'd laugh our ass off over the silliest things. That doesn't happen often because my husband has the corniest sense of humor, so I'd often find myself rolling my eyes over one of his corny quips. Still, I treasure them.

I treasure the quiet moments. You know, those moments when the world is asleep, and we'd find ourselves whispering stories that we probably have told each other a hundred times before. Sometimes, I'd find myself asking him to tell me a story and finding myself prompting him on parts that I already know.

During the bad days, I only had the good days to cling on to.

It's not easy... I knew it wouldn't be because my choice requires a lot of sacrifice. And sometimes, I find myself experiencing bouts of self-pity and I'd find myself lashing at him, blaming him for things that I've lost and things I probably will not have because I chose him and I chose a life with him. But at the end of the day, just before I go to sleep, I seek him.

I seek him because despite what everyone might think, it's I who need him. I probably need him more than he needs me.

Life is not easy sometimes for both of us. For one thing, we can never really say goodbye to his white pill. We'll always have a threesome with that small white bottle. But I will never exchange any of this for anything else. Yes, I could have easily just walked away, but love is not something you walk away from.  You find it only once. 

Oh yes, you'll fall in-love a lot of times, but the real thing, you know, the kind that really rocks your world, you find that only once.  That kind of love is silent.  You barely know its there because it embraces you and refuses to let go.

You see, sometimes, love comes in an package that you can easily rip. Sometimes, it doesn't. Our story is not your typical story. We probably started with your usual boy-meets-girl theme, but it's definitely not a fairy tale. Ironically, however, I ended up with my own Prince, yes, he might be a little bit rough around the edges, but with a little dusting, he's definitely a keeper.

And that is why I kept him.

And I'm blessed that he definitely does not let any day passed without making me feel that I am a keeper too. :)

p.s.
I should have posted this last December 30.

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Mamu

Mamu

Yesterday while eating lunch, Mamu asked me about what I'd do with the hectares of rice fields they own once she - they - pass away. I didn't want to talk about her passing away, so I covered my ears and like a child, I started making unintelligible sounds to drown out what she was saying.

I didn't want to talk about her dying. I like to believe that she'll be around for me to spoil when I can finally afford it. I want her to live for another 50 years - so that I'll have enough time to give back everything she gave me. The sacrifices she made for our family - they're immeasurable. 

I want her around because I simply cannot imagine my life without ever hearing her laugh again. It's as simple as that. I derive great pleasure out of making her laugh - and these days, that has seemingly became my role.  

My sister used to make her laugh too.  Kris certainly has a huge talent for making my mother laugh so hard that she'd be gasping for air.  It's easy to make my mother laugh because she loves laughing.  She's silly and funny - and that is why most people she meets fall in-love with her.

Mamu is not feeling well these days - and every time she complains about something hurt, I panic.  The past few years, my mother has become one of my best friends. We've graduated from having just a mere mother-daughter relationship to being friends as well.  If there is one person in my life that I'm not ready to lose, apart from my daughters - that'd be Mamu.  I don't think I'll ever be ready to lose her.

Right now, I can't afford her to give her heart's desires, so I'll just have to settle with making sure that I'll be able to make her laugh a lot more each day.

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You know that thing they say about married couples needing to fall in-love with one another several times to survive the marriage?  Well, this blog post is not about that. But I probably need a good reminder of why I love my husband at this very moment.  Nope, this is not my typical I-love-my-husband-he's-the-best-hubby-in-the-whole-world post.


On the contrary, this is my I-love-my-husband-but-god-how-I'd-love-to-scalp-his-head-off-at-this-very-moment-because-he's-pissing-the-hell-out-of-me post..  I will not go into details, but fuck it. fuck it. fuck it.


And the weird thing about this is that the cause of my irritation anger is so trivial, you'd probably roll your eyes or laugh at me.  Still, that doesn't change the fact that it pissed the hell out of me.


Sigh. I really should learn how to pick my fights.

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The Frug by Rilo Kiley

This song just makes me go "woot! woot!" :)

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01.26.11

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Should You Keep In Touch With Your Ex?

Earlier this evening, my hubby and I were talking about his ex. He told me she does not seem to be that interested in being friends with him because she seems fairly dismissive in her emails - and in fact, she does not reply to some of his emails.

Okay, you might be thinking that I should be throwing the biggest fit of the century with this announcement, but I didn't. Of course, the thought of him sending her emails left a bad taste in my mouth, but not bad enough for me to throw a fit. I told him though that he should refrain from sending her messages since she obviously is not interested in staying friends with him.

"You're only giving her the impression that you are still hang up on her," I told him. And in my opinion, it does. Because seriously, why would you keep sending messages to someone who just doesn't give a helluva f**k if you still exist, right?

Anyway, this made me think - and think...and think...and think.

Would you keep in touch with an ex? And why would you? And why wouldn't you?

In my opinion, I think the answer would depend upon several things.

Let's take my hubby's ex for instance. Perhaps, she's just the type who believes that exes should stay where they belong - the past. Perhaps, she thinks that E is still into her, so she needs to discourage him. Perhaps, she just hates his guts for what he did to her before. Whatever her reason/s might be, she prefers that they do not keep in touch. She's not completely rude, but she obviously does not want to exchange emails.

Let's take Mr. A and Ms. B, for example, two people who never really broke their ties even after they broke up and who still admit to being in-love with one another after years of being apart - and being married to other people. That's another reason for keeping in touch with your ex, but I honestly doubt if that is healthy. At the end of the day, that kind of tie will only break your heart again and again and again.

And then, let's see, there's me! I am in-touch with a couple of exes. And yes, E knows about this. It irritates him. One ex, I am in-touch with because, well, because I just don't care enough to bother about not being in touch with him. He doesn't affect me in any way, so talking to him does not even warrant an analysis of the act. So, if he sends a message, I answer. I don't dismiss him. He doesn't even warrant a dismissal. I don't waste any emotion on him. And that's that.

The other one? He's a friend. He was a friend long before he became something else. Now, this one is a little bit complicated. Since after all, he is hiding the fact that we're keeping in touch from his partner. It amuses me. Sometimes, it irritates me. Nowadays, it has become a bit insulting. But he has his reasons, so... Anyway, the lines are clearly drawn. It may be amusing to flirt with the boundaries of these lines, but they're there nonetheless.

I read this article - Keep in Touch with Exes or Cut Ties? - and the comments offer interesting views.

So, what do you think? Should you keep in touch with your ex? Or should you cut ties?

I think it's okay to do so as long as you are honest with yourself about why you are keeping in touch with your ex (and why you want to) and as long as you know you are not sticking around with the hope that you will get back together. If feelings still exist for both or either of you, it is definitely not healthy to be in constant communication with your ex. That only leads to misery. That only screws you up and messes with your head. But then again, that's just my opinion. I'm not an expert.

So, I'd better stop here. I am beginning to feel like I'm writing a paid article and not just blogging. Geeze.

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Missing a lot of people...

so, if you think this applies to you, then it is for you.

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Silly Paige Videos

I think she got this from me - the comedian. :) She can be so freaking silly. She's generally a funny and happy little girl. She's creative and she can talk up a storm. She's 4 turning 40 - like I always say. :)

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Crappy Pictures But Good Memories

We took - what feels like - hundreds of pictures, but these are the only decent ones. Ironically, they're still crappy. :)
I didn't want to post this in Facebook, so I thought I'd just post it here. After all, I will not bother anyone if I post it here. It's my blog after all. I can put up pictures of me crapping if I want to. so, that's that.

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2011 First Entry: Being Sentimental

It's 3 in the morning. It's foggy outside. Go figure. Sometimes, I feel like my life is exactly like that - foggy. Half of the time, I am not sure if I am doing the right thing...pursuing the right thing. Sometimes, I feel like I am doing impossible leaps of faith. Yes, that's redundant.

Anyway, I just took a bath - yes, at 3 in the morning. Looking out of the window though, I noticed that it's a bright night, albeit foggy. The romantic in me kicked in. I love foggy nights. I love foggy mornings.

I wanted to write something sensible, but I guess I'm - once again - rambling. It has been a while since I wrote anything sensible or even remotely funny. Truth be told, a lot of things have happened, but I seemed to have lost my penchant for blogging. Sometimes, I think I was only blogging because of him.

I guess it was my way of telling him my story...It was my way of telling him what was happening to me.

After all these years.

Oh, well. I'm finally cured of that affliction now (or so I tell myself). The medicine came in a handsome package - one with a cute butt. :)

Lately, I have been reading status updates in Facebook, stuffs like, "Why do I still miss you after all these years?" OR updates like, "I have forgotten how you smell like...finally." OR something like, "I am almost over you..."

I realized this is a redundant story. Nobody has monopoly over this type of story. It's sad though. Sometimes, I find myself irritated with these kinds of updates. I find myself almost tempted to leave a nasty comment like, "Oh, get over it! Go bury yourself and spare us the crap!" or something even nastier.

But I can't.

You see, I was one of them. Ironically, I was hurt like hell, but it was difficult to let go. I guess it's always hard to let go of a good thing. On the other hand, it's always easy to let go of a crappy relationship and an ass of a boyfriend.

The other night, my friend texted me. She was crying over her boyfriend who broke up with her for the nth time. It has practically became a hobby between them to break up every now and then. It's hard to sympathize when you know for a fact that fairly soon enough they'd be back in each other's arms. Some people are lucky like that.

Don't get me wrong though. I am happy - and no, I am not convincing myself of that. I am. I am just so tired all the time. I just received a back massage from E, so I am a bit relaxed right now and sentimental. Did I say back massage? Oh yes, that's his way of helping me relax after a stressful day. I am just lucky like that. :)

But who's the guy I was blogging for?

Well, that's for me to know and for you to just wonder about. :))

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