I’ve lost my ability to think fast… In fact, I’ve lost my ability to think at all. I see words and they come rushing to me, like an impending train, perfectly designed to crash. One word blurs against another and I find myself struggling to understand the excruciating meaning of every sentence, every paragraph. I’m losing control and I hate it. I am tethering, struggling to maintain balance. It seems like I am consumed with trying to exact control and trying to find my ground. It’s my last day of work tomorrow. I hate the idea of not earning...
Jan 24, 2014
Jan 22, 2014
Jan 18, 2014
Back on the Hamster Wheel
It is starting all over again. That stupid nightmare. I feel like a freaking hamster, running on that wheel, going nowhere, just desperately running and scrambling for dear life! Like a hamster, hoping it can get off. But no matter how much I run, I keep going back to the same place, ending up in the same place. I am hoping I could outrun all these fucked up emotions. I checked once. twice. Turned it off and on. Checked again in case it was on silent...
Jan 15, 2014
Selfie Entry #NotEverEnding
Stressed. Sleepy all the effin' time! I have black circles around my eyes and breakouts. I can feel wrinkles literally appearing on my face.
This is what I have yet to finish for this month.
*sigh*
Why am I doing this again?
...
Jan 13, 2014
Sleepyhead
For the life of me, I can't get my eyes to open long enough to read. I'm sleepy all the time - and to think, I've downed 5 cups of coffee today! :(
Erbe took this picture of me while I was "just closing my eyes". It took me more than an hour to open them again.
I'm screwed.
...
2:54 AM
My 4th cup - no, 1st. After all. This is a new day.It's the 13th of the month.13th already. Time flies so fast and I'm battling with time right now. I am not there yet - emotionally, mentally, but spiritually? Oh I'm there! God must be so happy with me. He has never seen me this often in Church for the past 6 years.I still feel like crap. Recent events still affect me as much as I hope they wouldn't. I really don't...
Jan 12, 2014
01.11.2014
It was a good day. Oh it didn’t start out so well, but I like how it ended. I was forced by someone to do something that I wasn’t ready to do – that I wasn’t willing to do. Curiously enough, once I’ve accepted that it’s done – it didn’t bother me anymore. It’s like I never cared all along and in fact, I am wondering what the fvck the fuss was all about? But then again, I have years of experience of shutting off emotions. When I was a kid, I used to cry buckets every time my mother would leave us to go back to Brunei. My sister was so young...
Jan 10, 2014
One-Eyed Stressed Earthling
Been so stressed!And unhappy.But things seem to be working out.Now, I just have to focus and avoid distractions. I can do th...
Jan 7, 2014
A Good Day
Despite the fact that I'm all cooped up inside this room, I like the fact that I can just look out the window and stare at the blue, blue skies.It was a good morni...
New Year Burns
It hurt like hell, but now it's much better.Yes, it still looks awful but I swear, it's much bett...
Jan 6, 2014
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
