Pass It On

My closest friends know that Erbe is suffering from an illness. It's hard on everyone -- his family, my family, us. But he is worth it though. I'm far from being the ultimate martyr because I lash out when I'm angry or scared, but I choose to stay because my husband is worth it.

Anyway, that is not the point of this post. Last year, I found this forum -- an online support group for carers like me. At that time, Erbe was confined at Medical City. I found the forum and bombarded the site with questions after questions after questions. It was a scary and confusing time. There is this woman, Beverly, who is about 60 years old and she helped me through it all. She helped me through the whole ordeal. She was my confidant and my sanity at that time.

I continued to visit the forum for several months but then I stopped. The problems were just too much for me. The posts were heartwrenching. I'd find myself crying over one post and then I'd start bawling again for another. I suddenly stopped visiting.

Yesterday, I decided to check out the site and see how my old friends were doing. Apparently, Bev stayed on but the rest -- like me -- stopped visiting as well. I posted a message for Bev and her answer was --

"I hope you find the time to help others on here."

Ouch.

I realized how great she was when I needed the help. I feel selfish for giving up on people who are going through the same things that I went through. I realized how Bev helped me and how I can be of the same help to others. It's not easy, you know. The stories are just way too terrible and devastating. I cannot imagine how they survive. There is one question that people always end up asking -- Should I stay? And there is one thing that stands out from all the stories -- Love. Great, great love.

Anyway, I decided to "pass it on" -- helped out like Bev helped me.